JALAPENO WITH GOOGLY EYES: Hello, internet.
I am a jalapeno pepper with googly eyes.
You are seeing me instead of the Wil
Wheaton you are expecting.
Because he looks and feels like crap.
He has a cold or something.
He's going to eat me soon.
Because he hopes I will clear out his sinuses.
Wait.
He's going to eat me?
WIL WHEATON: Just do what we agreed on you would do.
JALAPENO WITH GOOGLY EYES: Oh, yes, well.
[CLEARS THROAT]
There is no new "Table Top" this week.
You're really going to eat me?
WIL WHEATON: Come on!
Back to work.
JALAPENO WITH GOOGLY EYES: [GRUMBLING].
There is no new "Table Top" this week.
There is, however, a hilarious gag reel featuring Felicia
Day, Garfunkel and Oates, and the
aforementioned Wil Wheaton.
Next week, "Table Top" will be back with an all new episode.
I think it is Star Flux.
Please don't eat me.
WIL WHEATON: I'm probably going to eat you.
Good evening.
And Happy Halloween.
Well, maybe if you were actually in the film, trying
to run away from and survive the zombies, you wouldn't be
so smart and smug.
I'm making this opening way too [BLEEP]
long.
Especially on Halloween.
Sorry, I have a crinking in the box.
For the zombies to win the game, they're going to have to
stop the humans from doing that before the sun come-- oh,
mother [BLEEP], [BLEEP]
balls, other things that people shouldn't say on TV.
I'm looking forward to that part of the gag reel that's
just me trying to remember where I'm lost.
Are you ready to find out who's going to [BLEEP]
up an otherwise relatively decent take?
Wait no longer, the answer is me.
They'll draw cards from their hero--
really, Wil?
Really?
KATE MICUCCI: It's not turning off, guys.
RIKI LINDHOME: Maybe we should get rid of the--
WIL WHEATON: Let's see, let me see what happens here--
[SCREAMING]
FELICIA DAY: It's not going to kill me, but I don't like it!
RIKI LINDHOME: Glasses.
I'm a nerd.
To botany and science.
FELICIA DAY: Just insert any kind of penis joke.
WIL WHEATON: I was playing a lot of video games.
RIKI LINDHOME: Like, this is how I got through college.
Just like this.
WIL WHEATON: That made you look.
RIKI LINDHOME: Yeah.
You got through college rolling a lot of dice.
WIL WHEATON: Yeah.
I was rolling a lot of dice.
FELICIA DAY: Stop!
WIL WHEATON: Sometimes I rolled that
dice with both hands.
FELICIA DAY: Stop it.
WIL WHEATON: I don't see why that's a problem.
Though Jake is over here in the gas station, he can't move
because he's dealing-- ow, I funny boned myself.
FELICIA DAY: Oh, no.
RIKI LINDHOME: I funny boned myself.
WIL WHEATON: Ow ow ow ow.
FELICIA DAY: I hate that face.
WIL WHEATON: It's the most improperly
named part of the body.
FELICIA DAY: I know, but you have a weird
face when you do it.
WIL WHEATON: Ow ow ow ow.
You know why?
Because my hand just kind of went--
[VROOMING NOISES]
FELICIA DAY: OK.
That's self-explanatory.
WIL WHEATON: It's still doing it.
It's still doing it.
It's awful.
I don't know-- no, I don't need you to chainsaw me.
FELICIA DAY: You're going to lose the hand.
WIL WHEATON: It's gotta come off?
FELICIA DAY: You're going to lose the hand.
I'm sorry.
Oh!
WIL WHEATON: Oh god, it's the Civil War and we don't have
anaesthesia!
Ah!
It's terrible, ah!
You took off too much of my arm.
RIKI LINDHOME: You have to play the rest of
the game like that.
Is that cool?
WIL WHEATON: What?
RIKI LINDHOME: We'll say it together.
KATE MICUCCI: One, two, three. (TOGETHER) It's always good to
play the heroes.
[BLEEP].
RIKI LINDHOME: Play on any hero.
Until the end of the turn, your hero
rolls extra fight dice.
KATE MICUCCI: They can hear us talking.
RIKI LINDHOME: I don't know, ask Wil.
WIL WHEATON: My favorite thing ever is that she wanted to
show it to you so we didn't know.
And then you read the entire card out loud.
RIKI LINDHOME: I mean--
not that it--
OK, this game is really hard to interpret anyway.
WIL WHEATON: What do I do with these cards?
You have two aces.
RIKI LINDHOME: Well, here's the question!
KATE MICUCCI: (GEEK VOICE) It's nice to make you--
WIL WHEATON: (GEEK VOICE) Oh my goodness, are you also a
gaming nerd?
KATE MICUCCI: (GEEK VOICE) Oh yeah, kind of, I am.
WIL WHEATON: (GEEK VOICE) I just find it really
pleasurable to play games with you.
And then they come up, and they're like, I love you.
And you're like, I love you, dog.
[KISSING NOISES]
What the [BLEEP]?
FELICIA DAY: I know.
RIKI LINDHOME: People who kiss their dogs with their tongues.
FELICIA DAY: Wait, you-- that's not common.
WIL WHEATON: Wait, kiss their dogs with their tongues?
RIKI LINDHOME: The dog's tongue, when
they kiss their owners?
WIL WHEATON: Wait, people do that?
FELICIA DAY: You heard it, internet.
WIL WHEATON: I guess I should've told them they
couldn't do that.
RIKI LINDHOME: That's how she got the part on "Til Death."
WIL WHEATON: Really?
RIKI LINDHOME: No.
WIL WHEATON: Wow.
What was with the crazy demon eyes?
What happened just now?
RIKI LINDHOME: No, that was Kate Face Number Two.
WIL WHEATON: Wow.
That was one of the scariest things I've
ever seen in my life.
FELICIA DAY: I hate your Father Joseph face.
I hate it.
It's very irritating.
KATE MICUCCI: It's scary?
FELICIA DAY: It's just very self-satisfied.
KATE MICUCCI: He is very self-satisfied.
RIKI LINDHOME: She has some really good smug faces.
Have you ever seen her--
do your pregnant smug face.
KATE MICUCCI: Oh, I forget, umm.
That's it.
WIL WHEATON: Oh God, I know that person.
FELICIA DAY: You know, Dr. Hannah had so much paperwork
he forgot to do that he's going to go into here in this
reception area.
And just file around.
And then he's going to find some naughty pictures of the
Hispanic receptionist, Maria Sanchez.
And he's going to just look at those longingly.
I have a rash just on my upper chest.
What do you think, Dr. Hannah?
Should I take something for that?
Or is it just a wool allergy?
Cool.
[MUSIC PLAYING]