- Where do you think you guys will get married?
- We know there's a lot of hidden costs in a wedding so-
- Oh, everywhere!
We gonna get married over here and over there
and in the sky and on a cloud!
- Oh wow, it sounds like it's gonna be a big wedding.
- Well, you know, that's a conversation that we're having-
- Oh, girl, we gonna rent the moon and fill it with rose!
♪ All I want, yeah ♪
♪ But I don't need you ♪
- The mood is infectious and exiting today
as people from all walks of life celebrate
becoming the seventh state to legalize gay marriage.
We're here talking to excited couples
about how they feel on this historic day.
Oh, hi. - Hi, hi.
Yeah, it's a very historic day for civil rights
(LaShawn cheers) and for gay Americans
and Americans all over the country.
- (cheers) We're gonna get married, yeah!
- We said that'd be a conversation, you know what I mean?
Because we didn't know this was gonna pass so darn fast.
- So are you guys a couple? - Are we a couple?
Come on, girl, let's get serious.
- So fast. - My name is LaShawn,
and this right here is my samwich.
- It's Samuel, yeah.
- (laughs) And we're gonna get married, yes!
- That's so great, how long have you guys been together?
- Well, we've been- - Three years.
It's been forever, we've been waiting forever.
- It's really important to know the person
that you're gonna- - And who is the bride?
I am the bride, do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. (laughs)
- Well, tell us all about your plans.
- Well, you know, we never thought it was important
to have a piece of paper so there's not any plans in the-
- Oh, that piece of paper.
We gonna get that piece of paper, Sammy!
- Yeah, yeah. - That piece of paper!
- Where do you think you guys will get married?
- We know there's a lot of hidden costs in a wedding so-
- Oh, everywhere!
We gonna get married over here and over there
and in the sky and on a cloud!
- Oh wow, it sounds like it's gonna be a big wedding.
- Well, you know, that's a conversation that we're having-
- Oh, girl, we gonna rent the moon and fill it with rose!
- We really need to talk about whether or not
we think it's fair to even get married
when it's still illegal in so many other states.
- Oh my God, see, look at him, look at him.
That's my man with his big heart.
I'm sorry, my husband.
You my husband now. - Well, we just-
- You're my husband now, bitch.
- Okay, we just don't want to rush into anything
because stuff gets overturned.
Remember what happened in California.
- Baby, I'm gonna get a 14-karat ring
the size of 14 mother (beep) carrots.
That's what's up, doc!
- Well, you two certainly seem excited.
- Yeah, do we seem excited? - Yeah.
- Okay.
- Congratulations, I hope you guys
have a wonderful life together.
- We just, we really just didn't think it was gonna pass.
- Oh my God, it's gonna be, I'm gonna have a house
that's shaped like a unicorn,
and we're gonna have five little girls.
Their name's gonna be Ettny, Carousel, Sequin,
Abercrombie, and Phantom.
And we gonna have a little dog named Ruffalo.
And the dog gonna have a cat named Myriad.
(phone ringing)
- I'm going to be honest with you, Samuel.
Adoption can be a long, difficult process.
- I'm sorry, we should probably wait for my partner.
- [Adoption Assistant] Okay.
- He should be here any second-
- We're having a baby! (door slams wall)
♪ We're having a baby ♪
♪ We gonna raise it and feed it and change it ♪
♪ And dress it up like a pea pod ♪
Hello, Sammy.
- You must be LaShawn. - Ooh, you must be LaCorrect.
- (chuckles) Okay.
Well, we were just discussing your options for adoption.
- And how difficult it is to actually be approved.
- Oh, well you can just put us on a list
with a gold star and a check and an A+
because we want this baby like yesterdoodle.
- Well, as I told your husband,
it can be an extremely long waiting period.
- Right, right, and it's even hard
for straight couples to adopt so don't get your hopes up.
- Oh, well just, you tell them baby people
that we are going to be the best parents ever
because we're gonna be strict but also fun.
Like for instance, everybody gonna have to clean up
after Tuesday night dress-up parade.
- I do not know what that is.
- Oh, every day gonna have a different theme.
- Is it? - So for instance,
Monday, that's gonna be under the sea day.
Tuesday, that's gonna be dress-up parade.
Wednesday gonna be based on the Chinese calendar.
Thursday's gonna be sing whatcha doin' day.
And then Friday- - Okay, actually,
you know what, it might be very difficult
when you actually have kids, LaShawn.
- Kids, do you want to adopt more than one child?
- Absolutely not. - Absolutely-tootly!
- It can speed things up if you're willing
to adopt siblings together.
- (gasps) Sammy, we can get a set.
- Why? - Sammy, we can get a set.
- We're not getting a set.
- Ooh, we could dress 'em up like companion objects
like a bat and a ball or a kite and the wind.
- See, look, LaShawn gets carried away so-
- If you really want to expedite the process,
you could adopt a special needs baby.
- (gasps) Yes! - You are killing me here!
- Yes, that's what we want, a special needs kid,
preferably one with white eyes and can tell the future.
- Okay, so now we're getting a special needs kid.
LaShawn, there's a lot of extra cost
when you get a disabled child.
- Come on!
- Because that's what actually special needs means.
- We ain't never gonna have to worry about money again.
- How is that possible?
- 'Cause we gonna start a family band
called LaShawn and the Samsations.
And ooh, how many times can you change a child's name
because I have this system, and it's a little bit
of an out there idea, but I think if you really set up
a system where if you do something good,
you get a better name.
So if your name is Alistair one day, you do something good
your name could be Popeye.
- Hello, LaShawn, hello Carousel.
- Ooh, Sammy, Carousel had another premonition.
- Oh, what was it this time?
- She says an ostrich is going to escape from the zoo today.
- Nope, she heard that on the news last night
so that's a thing that actually happened
in real life already.
- Okay, well, better late than never.
All right, well, go make Daddy some camomile, let's go.
Come on, go around, use the force.
There you go.
- LaShawn.
LaShawn, I just got this letter from an insurance company.
It looks like we are officially on the same insurance.
- What? - Yes.
- (screams excitedly) Sammy, we did it!
- Yep, I can't believe this.
We're finally not gonna be treated by second-class citizens.
- Oh my God, now I wanna see, I wanna see, I wanna see.
No, don't show me, just tell me, what are we covered?
What are covered, how are we covered?
- It's good insurance.
We get dental and- - Dental!
Oh my God, make me an appointment right now.
- Okay, LaShawn, you gotta take it-
- I'm gonna get a ruby filling and a fang for apples.
- A fang, a fang. - Yes, a single, solitary fang
for tricky fruits and bottle caps.
- You understand that that's kind of an elective procedure
which means it wouldn't be covered by this insurance so-
- Oh my God, well, I'm going to proceed
to elect the fang the president of my mouth.
- Okay.
- And then I'm going to get my voice loudened!
- Voice loudened. - Yes, so I can talk to birds.
- All right, so, well, I don't know
if we're gonna find a dentist who can do that.
Also, it's not covered as insurance.
- Uh-huh.
- Because it's the basic dental.
- Yes. - And vision.
- Uh-huh, vision! - And like general-
- You said vision?
Oh my God. - I did say vision.
I'm sorry I said it, but I did.
- Sammy, Sammy, Sammy, Sammy, Sammy, what?
Sammy what, Sammy! - That is my name.
- I'm gonna have one contact that looks like a cat eye
and another contact that looks like a cat's face
that's missing an eye.
- You don't wear contacts.
- And I'm gonna have a third eye that looks like a letter I
and it's gonna be in my eye
and I'm gonna be like, I see you.
- (sighs) LaShawn, you don't wear contacts
so there's no reason- - Well I'm going to need
to wear contacts when I have my eyebrows redid
'cause they say that kind of procedure
will scrumple the corneas.
- You're not getting your eyebrows redid,
redone, undone, done. - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm,
mm-hmm, I'm gonna have 'em switched on my face
so when I get mad I look delighted.
- Do you understand that insurance
is only for real medical problems?
And even then we have a deductible.
- Well, I'm going to deduct the fat from my ass
and put 'em in my fangles
so when I wave I look like Mickey Mouse.
- Okay, all right, listen to what I'm telling you right now.
- What?
- Insurance is not for you to have the bottom half
of your body cut off and you sewn to a horse
so you can experience what it's like to be a centaur.
- Centaur, oh my God.
Sammy, that's a good idea. - That's not a good idea
because you'd die almost immediately.
- Oh, it'd be worth it, Sammy.
It would be so worth it, Sammy!
Please tell me I can.
- I know that you want to do that, but you can't do it.
- No, Sammy. - It's not covered
by the insurance. - Ooh, Sammy, come on!
Why you gotta be the '80s to my disco right now?
Why do you have to, hm?
- I'm not trying to be. (DeShawn smooches Samuel)
- You don't, you don't. - I'm just trying
to be the reality to your dementia.
- I'm gonna have two stomachs.
I'm gonna get another stomach.
One for cherries and one for corn.
- Oh my God.
- That's right, Sammy.
I'm gonna go to couples therapy alone
and just play both parts. - Yeah.
- I wanna go to the gynecologist,
just ask questions till I get it.
Oh, and I got another questions, a few questions
about how many different parts of your you can make blink
(energetic rock music)
'cause I wanna get my earlids done.
And then my foot pockets.
Foot pockets are this invention I've been thinking of
where you can just put your keys
(Samuel sighs) up by your ankles.
Then I'm gonna have a coaster put on my shoulder
so when I go to a bar I can say, "You want a drink on me?"
And then I'm just gonna be like a monster.
And then for Halloween I'm gonna dress up
like a normal human being.
♪ All I want, yeah ♪
♪ But I don't need you ♪