- Whoo! - We are back to start 2019,
so if you turn to page eight you're gonna see
a whole list of questions where you're gonna ask
the person in your life, or ask yourself,
what's one thing you want to change or improve
in each category of your life?
Today I'm going to go through with Oakley,
and I'm going to show you what it's like
to ask somebody else, and to have a conversation about it,
and then we will end the year with me going through it,
and tell you what mine are for 2019.
Remember to use the hashtag mindsetreset,
and remember if you're regretting
that you haven't done this with people that you love,
you can still send them the link
- It's free! - To Melrobbins.com
- It's F-R-E-E!
That spells free!
- That's right, baby!
Melrobbins.com/
- [Both] Minsetreset!
- Okay, let's go into 2019, you ready?
- Yeah.
- Here we go, new year, new year.
Okay, I'm gonna say a category
and you're gonna tell me one thing you wanna improve
or change about that part.
- Alright, let's go.
- Your body.
- I wanna get taller!
I'm a short little short stack right now.
I stand up, I'm like (grunts).
And everybody in my school's like six feet,
and I'm just kinda like five.
And I'm just kinda like.
- Don't (laughing) the.
- Oh, sorry, sorry, yes. - Okay, taller, taller.
I'm not sure I can make an impact with that, but okay.
- No one can.
- So does it really bother you how short you are?
- It doesn't bother me.
There are perks to being small, but I mean like--
- Like what?
- Parkour everywhere.
- Yeah? - It's pretty neat.
I don't know.
- Do you make yourself wrong for your height?
- No.
- You just wish-- - That's just something I
would want to just be a little bit taller.
- Okay, got it.
School, what's one thing you wanna change or improve?
- Be more proud of the work that I pass in.
- Wow!
I love that one.
Is there anything I can do to help you with that?
- I don't know.
- Well, I'm here to help if I can.
I love that you wanna be more proud of yourself.
That's cool.
Money?
- Just whenever you guys tell me to do something,
just accept it even if there isn't pay.
Just do it.
- There normally isn't!
- Yeah, that's true.
- Although I saw you stacking wood with Dad the other day.
- Yeah, I got to drive the tractor.
- That was cool.
- Yeah that was pretty cool.
- 13, can I ask you if you have goals about a love live?
- I just want, I don't know, if I get a girlfriend let's go!
- But here's just one piece, just don't
try to hard 'cause that turns girls off, okay.
- Oh, I know, I know, I know.
- Play it smooth.
Is there somebody you're thinking about?
- No. - Maybe?
- No. - Okay.
Friendships, what's one thing--
- Get closer with the new people at my school.
I said that before, but it's all I can think about.
- I feel like you have a lot of friends.
- I do have a lot of friends but get closer with them.
- What does what does being closer mean?
- Like get to know them better.
- Okay.
What about your self-worth,
like how you feel about yourself?
- Probably just not be as like
looking down on myself when I walk into school
or just like in the classroom.
I don't know.
- You wanna feel more confident?
- Yeah.
- Why, do you say negative things to yourself?
- No, it's just I'm not really confident
in myself during school.
- What do you think you are gonna have to do
in order to get more confident?
- Man up!
- But what does that even mean?
Just like legit what do you think you're gonna need to do?
- Just get, I don't think the support's
really helping, I think I'm just gonna need
to get like a kick in the butt and just be like, okay go.
Just do it.
- So you need a little more discipline and actually
- Yeah. - Put the work in.
Are you avoiding the work to get better?
- No, no I'm not avoiding the work to get better.
I don't know, it's just feel
better about myself, like confidence-wise.
- I think if you put in more work,
you'll do a little bit better.
And that'll then make you feel a little bit better.
And then if you put in more work, you'll do a little better.
And that all make you feel a little better.
And if you put in more work, you'll do a little better.
It all begins with just trying and putting in the work.
- Yeah.
- It really does.
And not hating that you're in a new school.
Does that make sense? - Mm-hm.
- What scares you about the changes you need to make?
- That I'm gonna have to change the way I am right now.
- What are you afraid that you're gonna have to change?
- I don't know.
Just like having to try things differently
than I normally do.
- Why does that scare you?
- 'Cause change is hard!
- Well, why is it hard for you?
- Because, I have no idea.
Change is different for everybody.
- 'Kay, but what is it about changing
yourself at school that's particularly hard?
- People think of you differently if you change yourself.
- Oh, and you're very popular?
- No.
- So are you worried that you're gonna have to get serious?
- I'm not really popular.
- Well, are you worried that you're gonna,
like, what are you worried about?
- Not much.
Just like, I don't wanna really have to like change.
- Okay.
- 'Cause to do that you have to change.
- What scares you-- - Your height!
- What scares you about it though?
What makes you nervous or afraid?
- I don't know, that people will look at me differently.
- There you go.
So this is actually all, this has less to do about you,
and more to do about what you think people think about you.
- Yeah.
- That's a big thing for teens.
I'm not surprised.
What excites you about the changes that you need to make?
- That I'm gonna get to try new things.
- That's a lie.
That does not excite you.
Does it?
- It does.
- It does? - Yeah.
- What are you excited to try?
- I don't know, like it's exciting
to meet new people, get to know them.
Exciting to get an A on your test.
- It's also exciting that you joined Band,
and you're playing guitar and the lead singer
in a band at your school.
And I have a bonus question here,
and this is something that you can do.
- Bonus question!
- So if you're doing this with your team,
if you're doing this with your kids,
if you're doing this with your spouse,
if you're doing this with your students in your class,
this you can customize,
and this the question that I wanna ask you:
what's one thing I can do this year to be a better mom?
- You're a great mom.
- Why am I great mom? - You're a perfect mom.
'Cause you just do everything that you need to do.
- But what, tell me more, give me specifics.
- Well, you're not a helicopter parent.
You don't go over everything I do
and parent everything I do.
You give me the opportunity to make my own decisions
and suffer the consequences if I make them, I guess.
- Yeah.
- You trust me on things.
You support me when I need it.
- What do I do that's irritating?
- Probably when I'm like, Mom?
And you're just kinda like, yeah.
And I'm like, Mom, what time is it?
And you're like...
And I'm like, Mel Robbins.
And you're like.
And I'm like, Mom!
And you're like, What I heard you the first time?
And I was like, What time is it?
And you're like, oh, um.
And you go back to working.
And then you just look at the clock
and you're like, it's 3:30, but I'm like out of the room
'cause I just grab my phone instead.
- So, what else, so other than paying attention
and being a little less distracted,
what else could I do for you personally?
- I don't know, just be supportive.
- Okay, is there a way in which you prefer to get support?
- I don't know.
- Like as you're trying harder.
Like when you come home from school
and you have a frustrating day, what can I do
when you come home frustrated?
- Just like acknowledge that I'm frustrated
but don't try to like baby me.
Just be like, I see that you're frustrated do you wanna talk
about it or do you wanna just be alone for now?
- So acknowledge it, but then let you
direct me on what you need?
- Yeah. - I can do that.
I can do that.
Awesome.
Dude, I love you.
- I love you, too, Mom.
- You're super-cool.
Are you ready for a Mindset Reset?
- Oh, yeah!