I personally think and you've heard me
say this before that even if 90 of men
are not quality commitment oriented men
that leaves
ten percent like a solid 10 of men to
choose from and most women are not
choosing those men they're choosing the
90 so if you could just focus your
energies on the top 10 percent of men no
matter where you live what you do how
old you are I am really confident that
you can find love
hey this is Devin Moore Kent stating
coach for smart strong successful women
and your personal trainer for love
welcome back to the love you podcast
today we're going to be talking about
what to do if you hate online dating
this should get boffo ratings and there
should be millions of people listening
to this because I don't know too many
people who like online dating when we're
done with this conversation I'll tell
you how to apply to love you to find a
relationship that makes you feel safer
and understood and at the beginning of
this podcast because it's audio for most
of you there's some people who watch on
YouTube it's mostly audio podcast
I want to do a little light housekeeping
as they say and share with you some up
upcoming events and opportunities that
you should be well aware of
um first is a live stream webinar that I
am doing a presentation that I've been
working on for a while it's coming up on
Thursday night at 5 PM Pacific 8 P.M
Eastern
um
I just did one and it went really really
well uh the one last night was called
three things you can do now to start
attracting high value men and I was
again I was really jazzed at the
response the next one I hope is going to
be even better uh it's something that I
have been tinkering with for a while
it's really important because this is
the biggest issue that women have when
it comes to dating relationships the
title of this one that's going to be on
next Thursday night is called how to
stop wasting time on the wrong men and
finally get the unconditional love you
deserve uh in it I'm going to be
teaching three of my top tips on
confidence which are from love you and
I'll be answering the two most important
questions you have about dating how do I
know if a guy is wrong for me and how do
I know if a guy is right for me if you
want the answers to those questions so
you could stop wasting time go right now
to
www.evenmarkcats.com forward slash live
stream to register for this event
um you can click on a link in the
description on YouTube you can click on
a link which hopefully will be put in
apple podcast as well or you can just go
to evanmarkcats.com forward slash live
stream
put in your information so we'll send
you a reminder and we'll give you access
to the link where you can see how to
stop wasting time on on the wrong men
and finally get the unconditional love
you deserve
at the end of the event not to preempt
the punch line by the end of the event
I'm going to tell you about my newest
course it's called the love you boot
camp uh why a boot camp well because I
work with smart strong successful very
busy women and for some of them who are
work 55 hours a week who aren't
necessarily the boss and they work for
other people and have to report to them
for people who travel a lot the
commitment to do love you is often too
great the content is wonderful but it is
absolutely a commitment love you is a
six month program with a weekly coaching
call that takes place on Tuesday nights
and those calls are you know usually
like two hour calls so it's for people
who are really dedicated and that
doesn't work for everybody's desire and
schedule so I decided to take all the
highlights of love you the best stuff
that I've been teaching to over 13 000
women over the past six years and pack
it all into a five hour intimate
coaching program that's going to jump
start your love's life
um you'll get small group coaching with
me you'll discover how to fix your
broken man picker you'll learn to
attract and connect with quality men and
all using the tenants that I teach my
higher paying clients in love you this
is the first time I've ever done this
that I've really created a program that
puts the best stuff in love you into a
small seminar so uh everybody else here
everybody else who's ever taken this has
gone through a much longer process uh
for people who are impatient people who
are on a budget this is an amazing
opportunity to get high level coaching
and all you have to do to get that is go
to
www.evenmarkcats.com forward slash love
Dash U Dash boot camp and you can learn
more about the program and you can
enroll directly even if you don't attend
the webinar this is an exclusive program
there's only a limited number of spots
that I'm promoting to all the people on
social media so make sure if you are
motivated to actually get coaching and
make a difference in your love life
instead of just listening to free
podcasts make sure you take advantage of
both the webinar
and the boot camp they are should be
both linked so with that out of the way
let's dive into today's presentation
um
I heard this the other day and I thought
it was really interesting
you may have heard it before I didn't
invent this cliche if you think you can
you're right
if you don't think you can you're also
right
which is to say that belief is
everything if you don't believe you can
become a lawyer you're not going to be
much incentive to take the LSAT if you
don't believe you can do that well
sorry for you there's other careers for
you but this is really pertinent when it
comes to love we all have a form of
negative self-talk that's born out of
our previous life experience and if
you're someone whose father left when
you were young if you're someone whose
parents
fought a lot if you're someone who's
gone through two divorces and has a
history of Rocky Relationships
um
it's not terribly surprising that you're
not going to feel too positively about
dating relationships and Men uh and the
immediate reaction to this is what we
call negative automatic thoughts I
remember reading about this in a book
um when I was struggling with insomnia
and I remember reading about negative
automatic thoughts so it's not that all
these experiences aren't real right
everything you've been through with men
is real and no one's trying to take away
your lived experience
the problem is that they typically
involve worst case scenarios jumping to
conclusions
catastrophizing and awfulizing we
basically turned everything into this
life or death situation
um and we we assume the worst and that's
usually not how things are in real life
it's not how things play out uh but tell
that to our primitive lizard brains and
well it's obviously a different story so
what are some of these
catastrophizing limiting beliefs
all guys are looking for sex and not
commitment again maybe you've said some
of these things maybe you thought of
some of these things but if you've ever
believed guys are just about sex and not
about commitment that's a perfect
example most men are not dating open to
dating curvy women or women my age the
good ones are already taken
my God my city is the worst for dating
New York Los Angeles rural Indiana my
place is the worst for dating or the
next guy is going to be just like the
rest of the guys so these are perfect
examples oh I just got out with a guy
who ghosted me the next guy is going to
ghost me right I've been struggling to
date in Los Angeles for 30 years clearly
Los Angeles is a horrible place for
dating the good ones are already taken
clearly by my dating pool there's no
good ones left so we tell ourselves
these stories and they're just too easy
to shoot down
we don't even question them or stop to
examine these as truth claims they're
really more emotional claims about how
you feel about things right consequently
negative automatic thoughts about dating
relationships to men cause us to lose
perspective get locked into one track
thinking accentuate the negative and
view stressful situations in an
inaccurate distorted fashion
negative automatic thoughts sacrifice
accuracy for Speed and increase the
likelihood of false alarms
and so
this is something that is really obvious
to anybody who's in love you with me
because this is almost all I deal with
almost any question I have is about a
woman who's drawing a conclusion that is
partially true but not totally true
about the guy She's Dating the guy she's
seeing the guy she likes her boyfriend
um because her perspective is skewed by
all the negative stuff in her past
and it's not necessarily true about what
is often the good guy she's dating in
the present so in love you we spend the
entire first month of the course before
we do any dating
we help people get past their negative
beliefs the entire first month of love
you was on confidence alone so you can
get your beliefs on straight see things
a little bit more clearly and a little
less emotionally so that you can date
with joy and you can date with
confidence and you could have fun with
the process of selecting men to take you
out to dinner and kiss you at the end of
the night
think of other people who have negative
automatic thoughts
you ever gone out with a man who told
you all about his awful ex-wife or all
the women who were using him for free
meals or the women who are constantly
rejecting him on the apps and how they
don't look like their photos if you've
ever dealt with that guy you could see
the Perils of negative automatic
thoughts he may have a point it's not
like he's making this stuff up but what
does that have to do with you how
effective is that as a flirting or
mating strategy it's not effective at
all nobody responds to that nobody
responds to that negativity no one no
woman's going to respond to listening to
complaints about how bad women are
similarly no matter how many bad
experiences you've had with men
we have to put them aside for the sake
of first dates and give each new guy the
benefit of the doubt if you think
they're a quality commitment oriented
men in your area you're right if you
don't think they're a quality commitment
oriented men in your area you're also
right
I personally think and you've heard me
say this before that even if 90 of men
are not quality commitment-oriented men
that leaves
ten percent like a solid 10 percent of
men to choose from and most women are
not choosing those men they're choosing
the 90 so if you could just focus your
energies on the top 10 percent of men no
matter where you live what you do how
old you are I am really confident that
you can find love if you really want to
find love and accelerate that process go
to evanmarkcats.com forward slash apply
watch my free video on how to fix your
broken man picker fill out an
application we'll get on the phone we'll
see if we can help you out now I just
want to talk briefly uh about our love
you small wins this is something that
happens during our coaching calls where
every woman shares something good that's
going on in her love life however
minuscule that maybe she would not have
to say if she weren't in the course
today I want to share a little story
about uh
let's see
we had three women
sharing positive affirmations and small
wins in the group and I loved this part
she said because it's a group call and
we put women in breakout rooms they
become friends with each other and then
this one day I asked them to complement
each other and she wrote I have to thank
Joanna for this just now in her in our
group she shared commit to the vision
not to the timeline meaning don't give
yourself six months and love you to find
a husband just make sure you're on point
to head in the proper direction to be
treated right by a man and as long as
you're doing your part you're in the
right direction so I really loved this
reframe and so I I I call I noted the
fact that she that was her wisdom that
wasn't mine that was her wisdom that she
figured that out you don't go into
online dating and give it a month you
don't come into my course and think I
gotta meet my husband in the next six
weeks right
I took a poll this is true I just did
this a couple weeks ago I took a poll of
the happily married women in my love you
uh Facebook group the group experts
who've had great success in my course
and I asked them when they met their
husbands after taking my course here's
what they said look at the variety of
responses
three months one and a half years two
years two months five years 14 months
six months one year one year
five years two years 18 months seven
months one month two years five years
five years two years
those are all women who came to me
feeling the same thing you're feeling
now
they're all happily married and that
timeline is how long it took them to
take the material and the coaching that
they got and translate that into a
relationship that would last for a
lifetime a couple people found it in a
month or two a couple couple people kept
plugging away one woman even told me her
story uh she was on her fourth love you
boyfriend but this one looks like a
keeper so I just want you to know that
there's a lot of Hope for you now I want
to touch on
um my recommended read for the week
because I pride myself on being read and
keeping up with what's going on and
sharing relevant information with you I
hope you find it enjoyable this is from
a website called Dating News and it's a
it's an article from 2018 that I think
it Bears relevance because it had tons
of Statistics a lot of them were pretty
harrowing right like about half of
people lying on their dating profiles
and 10 of profiles being fake
um the statistics I want to key on today
which I think are relevant to you to get
you into a more glass half full instead
of a glass half empty place
a majority of Tinder users are looking
for a serious date not a hookup that may
come as a surprise to you
it doesn't come as a surprise to me
because this actually Echoes a study
that was done by match.com 10 15 years
ago and just because it's an app doesn't
mean people are any different at that
point in time 75 percent of men were
looking for a real relationship online
um so when Tinder hit the dating scene
in 2012 it got a reputation as being a a
hookup app because it's a swiping
matching system it's as shallow as you
could possibly get
you look at a photo you see a couple
details about them you swipe right you
say yes or no but actually
eighty percent right this is not me
eighty percent of people on Tinder say
they want to find serious dates and a
long-term relationship according to
Business Insider
so how is that possible
right when you see what you see on there
well it mirrors my experience as a
single guy right like when I was single
I was
you don't go on 300 dates like I did
um I shouldn't say that
my goal was not to be go out on as many
dates as possible my goal was not to be
a player my goal was to fall in love get
married start a family it took me 300
dates to do that and for me if that's
what I really really wanted I couldn't
not do that I guess I could have just
waited to meet someone in real life but
I'm a writer I never meet anybody in
real life
so
most guys genuinely want love and keep
busy with casual until they find someone
that they really that knocks their socks
off presuming they're emotionally
available ready and want that thing so
this thing that seems really impossible
we were talking about at the beginning
and it can't be that men don't want
commitment but
there's 50 million married men in
America
and 50 million men buy their own
volition ended up getting married after
divorce more men want to remarry than
women women are really down on their
ex-husbands and less than 50 percent of
them want to remarry over two-thirds of
men want to remarry after their divorces
so these are really useful statistics
for you to key on so how could Tinder
produce husbands well
I don't like the medium itself the
medium is flawed because there's no
written information it's really more of
a looks and class-based system but
I'm not going to put that Genie back in
the bottle right I I still like
Match.com and Okay Cupid uh I will
always recommend longer form uh profiles
if I can but I've lost that battle and
people are going to use Tinder Bumble
coffee mix beats Bagel hinge and so
hinge might be the best dating site
according to my clients Bumble might be
second but it doesn't even matter
because the volume is so great there's
so many people on these sites that it
gives you infinite options infinite
options mean that people are going to be
less invested in you because everybody
has hundreds of choices right so even if
everything I just said is true and I've
got no reason to doubt that what I said
is true right
there's not much of a qualitative
difference between people on any one
side or the other so you can Bounce
Around what's the best site what's the
best app there's not a huge qualitative
difference in my opinion between the
people on one or the other right but
even if 80 of men on Tinder want
something serious that doesn't mean that
80 of men are capable of being the man
that you want them to be that's a
completely different story
so I like this 10 rule that I made up
um the idea that only 10 percent of
things are worse worth your time what
percentage of movies are great what
percentage of people that you meet at a
party do really click with what
percentage of clothing do you find
attractive at any given apartment store
that you would consider wearing
now that doesn't stop you from going to
movies or going to restaurants or going
to parties or going to stores because
only 10 of things are great
in that you don't get too you don't get
too upset when you see a mediocre movie
right you don't get too upset if you go
to a department store and there isn't
too much that's inspiring but you find a
couple items that you want to take home
when it comes to dating it gets a lot
more emotional I so we want to reframe
this
if you're not that upset that in real
life only 10 of things are worth your
time let's try not to get too upset
about it when it comes to dating right
if you get a date online my belief is
that 90 of guys are definitely not going
to be right for you maybe 10 are going
to be worth your time and if you could
just focus on what you do see right that
gives you hope and possibility and
potential instead of being thrown by the
90 of men who are
have Mountain bushy beards and no teeth
and
you know I don't know guns
I sound like I'm being judgmental in
classes perhaps I am but don't worry
about the guys that you're not
interested worrying about finding 10 of
guys likeable online and you're gonna do
great
um next point before we finish up this
article
one in ten online daters quit after
three months
this is from statistic brain ten percent
of online dating daters try online
dating for 90 days and then cancel their
subscription
this is the ultimate in short-term
thinking
I am not a short-term thinker uh if you
are a smart strong successful woman I'd
be surprised if you're a short-term
thinker right you built a career
probably wasn't entirely by accident
there's probably a lot of hard work and
strategy
right but short-term thinking would be
like I'm going to move to Hollywood and
if I'm you know I'm going to give myself
you know six months and if I'm not
starring in a big action movie by the
time six months is over I'm gonna I'm
gonna go back to Kansas or I'm going to
get myself three months to lose 40
pounds and if I don't do it I'm just
gonna give up dieting forever
so
this is what it's like when people give
up on online dating and I'm not judging
you for giving up on online dating or
taking breaks from it it's all it's all
very very normal
but
we don't go on a hunger strike when we
have a bad meal we have to have
proportional reactions to things and we
have to learn from our experience so
online dating sucks but I'm not talking
to you from like some sort of pedestal I
did it for 10 years I was that guy who
was on dating sites for 10 years oh I I
got married I broke up with my husband
there's that guy that I remember seeing
before I was married that was that was
me
right and it was because I wanted love
and real life unfortunately wasn't
providing too much access to dates so I
challenge all my clients who complain
about online dating it's fine I will
never make you date online I don't have
any power over you however
if you're going to be in a dating and
relationship course called love you and
you're going to be working with someone
you better go on some dates now so if
you can get one day a week without being
on a dating site because you're
attractive you around people and they
ask you out great I will never make my
clients State online but the problem is
from a lead generation perspective
trying to get one date a week without
being online is really hard for most
people
and so we use it as a tool and we'll be
like I don't want to go on LinkedIn if
I'm unemployed well
if that's where all the jobs are you
might want to figure out how to make
LinkedIn work for you instead of saying
I'm going to do it without it
so I recommend to everybody if you're
going to date online here's just a
formula I'm giving it to you the same
stuff I teach in my course
make it a practice you got a yoga
practice you got a meditation practice
you got a morning routine you got a
nighttime routine you got a skincare
routine make dating a practice
put on your calendar half hour a day for
online dating if you do that
huge part of the battle it's like going
to the gym and doing high intensity
cardio five times a week like it just
becomes a thing you do as part of your
daily routine I recommend that you get a
professional profile I'm old school I
have a service that writes people's
online dating profiles called e-cirino
e-c-y-r-a-n-o.com all right that's for
fully written profiles match.com Okay
Cupid style profiles but even if you're
on a on a dating app right make sure
that you're putting something out there
it's good great because you got to
differentiate yourself from 99 of people
so I encourage my clients to invest in
professional profiles I encourage them
to invest in professional photos I got
I've been working with the company for
15 plus years called look better online
they do professional photos I don't get
a kickback they do great work I've used
them I've put in put a thousand clients
through look better online why because
if a guy's scrolling through a thousand
photos why wouldn't you choose the one
that looks like a magazine cover why
wouldn't you try to look your best if
you could right and now if you've got
Pro profile Pro photos
getting online for a half hour a day
screening men all you got to do is
screen men for a half hour a day and
talk to maybe 10 guys not every single
day but if you've got 10 guys in
dialogue and there's a high attrition
rate we could expect most of the guys
are gonna flake out or not follow
through or take a long time to text you
back or something say something weird
and perverted that's baked into the cake
we understand that right so if you learn
how to date online and this is a skill
set these are the building blocks but
this is a skill set if you could figure
out how to make this work out this daily
routine work for you you can get one
quality pre-screened data week I predict
you're going to find love sooner rather
than later this technique for making
online dating work for you is what we
teach in week seven of love you when we
go into a great deal detail we'll spend
90 minutes working on that topic alone
as opposed to what I just did in the
past five minutes
but it takes what might seem like the
worst medium in the world dating apps
and turns it into a playground where you
could screen out all the losers and have
the winners eating out of the palm of
your hand and taking you out to dinner
and drinks on Friday Saturday night so
if that appeals to you I am excited to
be able to teach you how to do that but
it means you got to take the next step
um
and you know the next step we'll get to
it at the end of the podcast today's
love you love story
uh as always I just collect these I
don't write these but they make my heart
sing
Evan I've been reading your posts with
happy client stories but I never thought
I'd be emailing you mine as deep down I
believe I was destined to say stay
single for the rest of my life does that
resonate
however I persevered with online dating
no matter how frustrating it was to me I
refuse to give up on love I'm so
grateful for your coaching all the
lessons you taught me and love you I
finally met a man who makes me feel safe
heard and understood everything you kept
repeating during coaching sessions now
makes sense good relationships are
indeed easy and you you indeed can't do
the wrong thing with the right guy guess
how many arguments or even minor
disagreements we have had zero we are so
different but I feel our personality is
perfectly complement each other signed
Dory
if um yeah again I could get emotional
just thinking about how
lovely it is that through my struggles
of dating and online dating I've been
able to figure out a smoother path for
women to do this thing better than I did
so you don't have to go on 300 dates you
could actually get the love you deserve
faster so to Circle back where we began
today I want you to if you felt inspired
by this podcast register for my live
stream how you could stop wasting time
on the wrong men and finally get the
unconditional love you deserve you can
do that at
www.evenmarkcats.com forward slash live
stream put in your name and email
address to register and you'll get the
link for that
and if you already know that you're sick
of sitting on the sidelines listening to
podcasts watching videos watching reels
on Instagram and Tick Tock and wondering
why your life doesn't change you can
take action today to get my new program
love you boot camp first ever at
evanmarkcats.com forward slash love Dash
U Dash boot camp whatever you're dealing
with the love you boot camp will get you
unstuck maybe it's a lack of confidence
born out of failed relationships maybe
it's the inability to meet new men
because your friends are married you
work from home and you're exhausted by
online dating maybe it's the endless
confusion that is dating not knowing
whether you should text or have sex or
commit to him as a boyfriend
the fact is we all have blind spots we
all have limiting beliefs
we've all had our confidence take a hit
after each heartbreak and disappointment
the love you boot camp puts all the
confusion and heart heartache behind you
and provides you a GPS that will finally
lead you to the relationship of your
dreams
soon you will carry yourself with
unshakable confidence when it comes to
all dating situations fix your broken
man picker and be loved unconditionally
overcome the pain of your past and look
to the future with optimism become an
empowered woman who could attract a
marriage-oriented man and find the right
guy who always makes you feel safe heard
and understood
my name is Evan Mark Katz thank you for
joining me on this love you podcast for
more episodes like this on YouTube
click the Subscribe button and ring the
bell to make sure you get notified when
new content comes out
and if you want a man it makes you feel
safer and understood
evanmarkcats.com forward slash apply
watch my 20 minute video on how to fix
your broken man picker and learn to
trust your judgment and I will take care
of you like I've taken care of all of
these women with their small wins and
testimonials and love stories
um I am a really optimistic person when
it comes to your love life I hope you
are getting a sense as to why you should
be too thanks and have a great day I'll
see you on the live stream and in the
boot camp bye-bye