- This video is sponsored
by the McIntosh Mortgage Group.
Now, one of the struggles people face when decluttering
is other people,
whether it is the gifts you've been given,
the guilt you feel about decluttering,
sentimental like items
or judgment from others.
Then of course,
there is the ongoing problem
of the people that we live with.
Now, if this is your first time here,
my name is Robyn,
I help overwhelmed people,
simplify their lives
through organization productivity
and creating an environment where they can thrive.
Now, grab your tea and let's go.
(upbeat music)
One of the best things you can ask yourself
when you are decluttering,
when you have guilt
over something that involves other people is,
am I keeping this for me?
Now, this of course pertains
when items are being kept solely
because you are feeling guilty about decluttering.
I'm not talking about keeping things
that are other people's things,
or perhaps the off chance
that you're saving something for a child
who might be moving out in the next year,
and maybe you're saving it for them.
I am talking about
when you are decluttering past gifts,
things that have been handing down to you
or anything like that,
then you need to ask yourself,
am I keeping this for me?
Decluttering gifts can be so, so hard.
It can honestly get messy.
Gift-giving can be a real, real struggle,
the bane of many people's existence.
I personally struggled with gift-giving.
I feel like I don't think
that it should be an obligation
and that over time,
a lot of us have felt that way.
And we have actually given people gifts
and then people feel bad about it.
Or when we're gift shopping, we think, okay,
they will like this,
maybe they will like this,
I don't know, I just have to give them something.
I don't think that that is in the spirit of gift giving,
but I want to recognize that quite often,
when we are giving gifts,
it is not because we truly feel like it is
the item we are giving
is going to add value to someone's life.
Even if we feel that way,
and maybe if it doesn't,
we shouldn't be upset
when people are decluttering.
So sometimes we are given things
and they are just meant
for a certain season in life.
For example, maybe it's when you have little kids
and it's an item that you keep,
maybe just like a breastfeeding pillow
or something like that.
You don't need that,
for the whole rest of your life,
you could save it to hand it down to somebody,
but that seems really silly to hold onto,
to hand something down to somebody
that could be years and decades away.
Another example could be,
maybe a piece of fitness equipment
that you loved at one point of time,
but maybe you're just not into road cycling
or something like that anymore.
We need to recognize that some items
are only useful during
a particular season of life.
Now, sometimes we are given something
by someone we've enjoyed it for a season,
but it's time to declutter,
and I think that is perfectly okay.
Now their comes a time
when we need to let go of things, gifts included.
And quite often we feel bad about that.
Now I think that quite often
the gift giver is okay,
that you're not going to keep
the thing that they gave you forever.
And quite honestly,
if they have a problem with that, that's not okay.
No gift giver should be upset
that you do not want to keep something
for the rest of your life.
One example of what you could say to somebody is,
I loved this item,
but we just don't use it anymore.
And I feel like somebody else
could just benefit from it much more
than we are right now.
Just having it in storage,
isn't really serving anybody.
I love that you thought of me with this gift,
thank you so much, etc, etc,
you fill in the blanks.
Now, say your mom, for example,
buys you a sweater for your birthday
and you just don't quite like that item.
Maybe it's just not your style,
and you're like, okay,
you just throw it in your closet
and you never wear it.
Why are you doing that?
What purpose does it serve?
I think that quite often,
we don't want to let people,
we don't know that we don't like an item.
And I don't think that
depending on the person you know,
whether or not it's worth the battle.
And sometimes you could say,
I'm just going to declutter.
If you're not going to wear it,
there is no point in keeping it.
When I was a kid,
I honestly think I was like seven or eight.
And my mom gave me a jean vest
with a matching skirt.
It was denim and it had
paint splatter all over it.
Now, it was the '80s,
but this just did not feel like me,
even at that age, I was like,
this just does not feel like something
that I want to wear,
I really wasn't into dresses at the time,
and I just felt uncomfortable.
Now, she respected that.
Even to this day,
I know she was disappointed,
but she never tried to pressure me into wearing it.
We definitely kept it for a long time
and I think she was hoping maybe I would grow
or I would grow to like it,
I mean, I was small forever,
so it would have fit for a long time.
But we did eventually declutter it
because it just wasn't something
I was going to wear.
So ultimately, the person who is giving you the gift
should want you to be happy.
If being happy involves,
decluttering something that they gave you,
then that is okay.
You should not be keeping extra things around
because you feel guilty.
And the people,
who love you enough to give you a gift
should want you to be happy too
and they can just chalk it up to,
if they don't like it, or they don't use it anymore.
You could always offer to give it back to them,
maybe they would like that.
The other thing is,
you don't have to tell people
when you declutter things.
If for example, you have a family member
who comes and visits and they say,
where's that blah, blah, blah, that I gave you?
You can just say, you know what?
It just wasn't something we were using,
and so we thought somebody else could use it.
Boom, end of story.
You also don't have to give excuses
just so you know,
this is your life, you are the boss.
So I'm going to get to sentimental items
in just a second.
But first I want to tell you
about the McIntosh Mortgage Group.
Now, we remortgaged last year
and they were absolute pros.
We did it right around Christmas time
and they were so awesome.
They didn't care what day it was,
they helped us out.
There were a couple of problems
with our last company.
They were like, no problem,
we took care of it for you
and I was like,
you guys are the best.
So, right now,
if you remortgage with them
and you live in Canada,
they will give you a free enrollment
in my simplify, your home course.
So, check out those details below.
Now, sentimental like items
can be one of the hugest hugest things
that make it hard for people to declutter
and keep in mind why you want to declutter,
it so that your life can be better.
You should not be feeling guilty
when you are decluttering.
Now, sometimes people will hand down things to us
that were theirs.
This can often be because they feel better,
decluttering something of theirs
to somebody that they know.
I think we've all done this.
We hand down our kids clothing
to people that we know
because it makes us feel better,
it's like, there's still like
that connection with those things.
I think that that really truly
is quite an interesting phenomenon among people.
The other thing though,
is sometimes we have family members
who have had things handed down to them
and then they hand them down to us.
Now, this is a really interesting thing,
because if you don't want the items
that they're handing down,
you need to let them know right away.
Often they feel bad about it.
And I know that I went through this recently with my family
when they were decluttering my grandparents' house.
And they just so desperately wanted,
family to take everything.
I mean, they want it, all of this stuff gone,
and I think in some ways they were like,
whoever can take it, take it.
But there were certain things
that they wanted to see go to family.
And I was like, I'm sorry,
I'm just not taking items that I don't want.
I know it sounds maybe kind of harsh,
but then it becomes my problem,
and I am faced with extra clutter
and nobody needs extra clutter.
Items handed down to you by the hand downer,
doesn't need to feel,
the guilt of decluttering themselves.
It makes them feel better,
by handing it down to you,
and that is not okay.
So for example, maybe your parent
shows up at your house
with a box full of stuff
that was once your aunt who has passed on,
you need to be very honest and just say, I am sorry,
this is just not something that I want.
And they might say, well, you know what?
I put her all in the car
and I brought it over here
and you can be like, well, next time,
maybe just call me first.
It is completely fine,
for people to check with you,
if you want an item,
but they should not be making you feel bad
for not taking something.
Or maybe you have a box of things,
sitting in your house
that have been handed down to you,
maybe it already got past that initial phase
and you feel guilty
because it was your great aunt etc.
The thing is,
I don't want you holding on to things
that aren't serving you.
You need to recognize that,
if you don't want the items,
you need to just let them go.
Always remember, somebody at a thrift store or something
will probably benefit from those items.
So just let them go,
you are doing something good,
you are doing a service,
it is not fair
for you to have these things around forever.
Now, another thing that people can run into
is when a family member or a friend
doesn't actually approve
of all of the decluttering and minimizing
that you are doing.
So, maybe you've been on a kick,
you've been decluttering for awhile
and you are just like, whoa, whoa this is great.
But you have some friends or family
who just don't approve.
Now, I think this is a very interesting topic.
Now, I think that I have a friend
who has a parent who doesn't approve
of the amount of decluttering
that my friend is doing.
I think this is a very interesting thing
because this friend is not going to extremes,
she truly is just keeping,
the things that she likes,
the things that serve her.
And she is feeling incredible
with the results that she's getting.
But her parent is just not approving.
And I think that part of it
could be that maybe jealousy,
maybe they feel like they should declutter,
but they just haven't explored
why they struggle with clutter.
And I think ultimately it often comes down
to the Swedish death cleaning instincts,
which you know I love.
So, there's the hoarding instinct,
which is just keeping a lot of things just in case,
because it just makes us feel better to have things,
the clutter instinct, which is having things around us,
so we can see them,
that makes us feel better.
And then there is the fear of death,
which I always feel the most kinship with, I get that,
especially when it comes to like,
decluttering things from my kids or whatever,
it just reminds us that nothing is forever.
When you have a friend or family member
who is not approving of you decluttering,
I think that quite often they feel guilty
about the amount of clutter that they have,
or they just wish that they could.
So maybe just have some conversations
about why you feel so good decluttering
and why you think that it is good in the long run.
You don't even have to mention them at all.
Quite often, people will make that connection.
And if they don't like it,
you can just say, oh, well, sorry
and maybe just try not to talk about it with them.
I mean, the thing is you don't have to
share absolutely everything with everybody.
Now another thing that can be a real challenge
when it comes to decluttering is,
family that you live with.
We maybe have a spouse
who doesn't want to declutter,
or we have kids that don't want to declutter,
or we live with a parent
who doesn't want to declutter.
I hear these things all at the time.
The best advice I can give you is that,
you need to declutter your stuff first,
always in every time.
Never start with your kids' stuff,
never start with your spouse's stuff,
declutter your things.
If it's been handed down to you by somebody else,
it's now yours and you can declutter it.
If you have a family member,
who is really resistant
to you decluttering anything,
like I said, start with your stuff,
start with your clothes,
and then you can move on to common items and say,
do we use this, have we used this in the last year?
Have we used this in the last five years?
Sometimes, and I know you might not want to hear this,
but sometimes people actually need
some form of therapy.
They actually need to talk to a professional
about why they have so much trouble
letting go of things.
In particular, if these things are causing
an actual problem.
Now, an example of an actual problem
could just be that clutter stresses out you
and maybe it stresses out them.
I think that sometimes we have a clear space
and people will not realize that,
the clear space feels good,
but for some people,
the clear space feels bad.
Those would be like the clutter instinct people
who maybe grew up with not enough things around them
or food insecurity or things like that.
So it gives them a sense of peace.
This can be a challenge
because we have different personalities
with different experiences in a household,
and we have to learn to coexist
and having a lot of clutter around us,
is not good for most of us.
So, sometimes you do need to seek therapy
and it is so good
to talk to a therapist every now and then
to just talk about anything.
So, that is my advice for you,
I feel like it needs to be said.
Now, check out this video here,
all about decluttering, sentimental items,
this is my minimizing playlists.
Thank you so much for watching
and I will see you next time, bye.
(soft music)