- F-O-M-O, fear of missing out.
Everybody's always wasting time thinking
about all this stuff they missed out on.
Well, guess what?
You could sit around and wait like I did,
waiting for it all to go down
or you can go out there and find a glorious love triangle.
I think about it every day.
This song is about a threesome I was supposed
to have that never happened.
While I was recording my album "Cowboy Tears",
these two girls call me up to have a little menage a trois.
They call me, they're like,
"We're gonna come over right now."
I'm waiting and I'm waiting and they never show.
The next day, I wake up with a missed voicemail, LA county.
These girls were in the pin.
They called me up trying to get me to bail 'em out,
Oliver Tree doesn't bail anybody out,
not even my own family,
but I did write them this song.
As it turns out,
these chicks were credit card scammers.
Every sucker on social media
acts like they're living it up.
Somehow they forget to mention
that their life fucking sucks.
It's something that I see every single day.
It's a goddamn illusion.
Just like when I thought
I was gonna have an Oliver Treesome.
You see this phone right here?
This is the exact phone I was waiting
for these girls to call me on,
when they were arriving to my place.
I wasted a perfectly good Tuesday night
that I could have been getting jiggy with the holy trinity.
It's a swing and a fucking miss.
I don't know how many more times I gotta say it,
you struck out, game over, time to move on.
There will be no thirdzees tonight little man.
I'll tell you that,
and I'll tip my hat.
My research has shown that humans blink approximately
anywhere from 900 to 1200 times an hour.
That's 15,000 to 20,000 times
in one fucking day bro.
I'm talking about a lot of epic shit you're gonna miss.
Just like the time I missed out
on that bedroom Bermuda Triangle.
(Oliver breathing heavily)
That's why I started using eye drops.
I only blink half as much
and I can see shit way more clearly.
It's changed my life.
(air whooshing)
People love to talk about how good their fucking life is,
but it's not as good as they say.
Like me for example, I fell the fuck off.
Look at me, where did it go wrong?
Like can you imagine where my head is,
after I missed out on a triple ripple banana dipple?
I shit you not dude,
this is the worst night of my fucking-
(phone ringing)
One second, I gotta take this.
Bro, I told you don't call me right now,
I'm doing a genius interview.
I'm not talking numbers right now, we went through this.
If he's not gonna do 6 million, tell him 5 million.
Well then tell him four.
I'm not gonna say it again,
if he can't do 4 million,
do 3 million 'cause Oliver Tree
does not get out of bed for less than two.
Fuck off dude!
Sorry about that, where were we?