- [Narrator] Hello, friends.
This will be my recap of the first season of "The Witcher."
All right, let's go.
The story starts off with Geralt of Rivia, who is a witcher.
A witcher is basically a mutated monster hunter
with the added perks of being able
to live longer than humans, being able to use magic,
and also being completely hated by humans.
Our man Geralt has been doing this for a long time
and is one of the few remaining witchers
because they've all been wiped out
and there's no longer a way to create more witchers.
That being said, while traveling and hunting monsters,
Geralt meets this bard by the name of Jaskier,
who wants to change the public image of Geralt,
which he does through very catchy songs.
♪ Toss a coin to your witcher ♪
♪ O valley of plenty ♪
♪ Whoa ♪
♪ Toss a coin to your witcher ♪
♪ A friend of humanity ♪
Anyways, after a while,
Jaskier asks Geralt for protection at a party.
During that party is where the story starts to unravel.
You see, this party was hosted by the queen of Cintra,
known as Queen Calanthe,
who's hosting this party in order to find a suitor
for her daughter, Pavetta.
And Pavetta's in love with this guy by the name of Duny,
who's actually a hedgehog, but that's not important.
What's important is that during the party,
Duny comes in and claims the Law of Surprise,
or Pavetta's hand in marriage.
And the way the Law of Surprise works is that
after saving somebody from certain death,
you could claim the Law of Surprise,
which basically means that you can claim something
that they don't yet know that they have,
such as money, land, or even a daughter,
which as it turns out for Duny is Pavetta
because he saved the king's life
before he realized that he had a daughter.
Anyways, Queen Calanthe, opposed this marriage,
but Destiny said...
- Not today.
- [Narrator] Because apparently, the Law of Surprise
is bound by Destiny,
which also means that if you don't give the person
who or what they are owed,
a punishment ranging from your end to the world's end
is plausible.
And in order for Queen Calanthe
to prevent the end of her own kingdom...
- He said yes...
- [Narrator] to the two getting married,
but not before trying to kill Duny, who the witcher saved.
And since Geralt saved Duny's life from certain death,
Geralt accidentally asked for the Law of Surprise,
which immediately linked Pavetta's unborn child,
by the name of Ciri, to Geralt.
(Calanthe breathing heavily)
- Fuck.
- [Narrator] Queen Calanthe then banishes Geralt
from the Kingdom of Cintra in order to make sure
that she never has to pay up on the Law of Surprise,
even though she just witnessed what Destiny does
to people who try to prevent the Law of Surprise.
Anyways, the story then picks up
with the hunchback of Notre Dame,
I mean, Yennefer,
who looks the way she does because she has twisted spine,
which is caused because she's part elf, but only a quarter,
and that quarter shows.
Her story is that her father sold her to this sorceress
by the name of Tissaia.
And while with Tissaia,
she learns all the ins and outs of magic,
along with this other sorceress by the name of Fringilla.
After their training was over,
Yennefer was assigned to Nilfgaard as an advisor,
but she didn't wanna do that
so they sent Fringilla in her place.
And that's because she got her heart broken
by her first love, Istredd,
who said very mean things about the way she looked.
And because of that, she undergoes
the most expensive cosmetic surgery in the world.
And that's because after the surgery,
she is no longer able to have children,
but on the bright side, she can now make a slow-mo entrance.
(yelling with excitement)
After that, she basically becomes a freelance mage,
who later runs into Geralt,
who at the time was using wishes from a djinn
in order to cure his insomnia.
But Geralt falls for Yennefer
and realizes that she's trying to capture the djinn,
and assuming that the djinn would kill her,
he wishes that he wouldn't lose Yennefer.
From then on, him and Yennefer keep running into each other
and would occasionally wrestle naked.
Yennefer then thinks that she's falling for Geralt,
but after traveling with a dragon disguised as a man...
As ridiculous as that sound, that is what happened.
Anyways, the dragon reveals to Yennefer,
who would do anything to have a baby now,
that Geralt made a wish to keep from losing each other,
which makes Yennefer question
her own feelings towards Geralt
because her feelings could all be because of Geralt's wish.
The two get mad at each other and part ways.
At the same time, Geralt blows up on Jaskier,
who's just there to help, and loses Jaskier too.
Years later, after finding out that Nilfgaard is trying
to lay siege to Cintra,
Geralt goes to Cintra to protect Ciri,
who he's bound to by Destiny and she with him
because of the Law of Surprise.
When he gets there, Queen Calanthe locks him up
but just as quickly regrets it
because Nilfgaard, with the help of Fringilla,
who has been using all types of dark magic and sacrifices,
quickly takes over Cintra.
So Queen Calanthe tells Ciri to go find Geralt,
and then she offs herself.
You know, somebody really needed to remind Queen Calanthe
that you don't mess with Destiny.
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Link is down below.
Anyways, after Queen Calanthe unalived herself,
Ciri goes on a long run from the Nilfgaardians,
who are led by Cahir and his mage, Fringilla.
Now, what Cahir wants with Ciri
is to use her magic to bolster his army
because she has an immense amount of magic.
That being said, while on the run,
Ciri finds this elf by the name of Dara.
But after helping Ciri for a while,
they have a falling out and go their separate ways.
Meanwhile, Yennefer, Tissaia, and a couple other mages
fight to prevent Nilfgaard
from completely taking over the continent.
During that fight, Yennefer basically decimated
the whole army by herself.
And Geralt and Ciri finally find each other.
When they do, however, Ciri asks Geralt, "Who is Yennefer?"
And that's because she had a vision
of Geralt looking for Yennefer.
And yeah, that's it.
Thank you for making it to the end of the video.
If you like that video and wanna see more like it,
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Adios.
(hip hop music)