GEOFF: Okay guys, you may be asking, uh, why I called you all here.
MICHAEL: Geoff, why- JACK: Why did you call us all here?
GEOFF: And why I'm in this sweet get-up. JACK: [laughing]
JACK: Why are you in a sweet get-up?
GEOFF: I wanna show off my pecs. MICHAEL: You look hard, Geoff.
GAVIN: I wouldn't say 'sweet'.
GEOFF: I'm pretty hard.
MICHAEL: I'd say you look hard. RAY: I'd say sour.
JACK: You have a funky belly button there, Geoff. MICHAEL: I'm ready to fight.
GEOFF: You wanna say that to my face? GAVIN: Sweet and sour chicken.
MICHAEL: I'm gonna put my finger in it.
GEOFF: You can- Absolutely. JACK: You've got a funky belly button there, Geoff.
GEOFF: Agh, why did- Don't do that.
GEOFF: [laughs] You're just gonna hurt my feelings twice. MICHAEL: Let's fight!
GEOFF: Alright! So this is a Things To Do we're gonna do. RAY: You're walking in circles.
GEOFF: Uh It's gonna be called 'Bloodsport'.
GEOFF: And I'm sure you all remember the movie 'Bloodsport'- Uh- RAY: [impression] "Okay, USA."
GEOFF: And it's based off of- Uh- JACK: [impression] "Bottom brick"
GEOFF: Based off of uh- RAY: Alright, it's over.
JACK: [laughs] That was it! Two quotes. RAY: That was it.
GEOFF: [laughs] What was your quote, Jack? JACK: Are we gonna dip our han-
JACK: Uhhh, "bottom brick."
GEOFF: Oh, yeah.
JACK: Are we gonna dip our hands in caramel and cover them in ice?
GEOFF: Wh- [laughs]
JACK: Ice? I meant glass. Okay. MICHAEL: Gav, you wanna go wander over here?
GEOFF: Why did you say gla- [laughs] GAVIN: Split jump!
GEOFF: Why'd you say ice? JACK: I don't know, I- [laughs]
GEOFF: Was it caramel!?
JACK: Nah, it's some sort of glue or something. GEOFF: It's like some sticky shit, right? Right.
GEOFF: Uh, okay.
GEOFF: Uh, so what I need you guys to do- This is gonna be a martial arts competition.
GEOFF: So I want- need you guys to dress appropriately.
MICHAEL: Aw, nice!
RAY: Okay. GEOFF: So while you guys are doing a little montage of getting your martial- get your gi on-
GEOFF: Uh, I'll mention- MICHAEL: Nice! Do they have gis here?
GEOFF: This Let's Play- Or- It's not a Let's Play it's Things To Do. RAY: Nope.
GEOFF: This Things To Do came from an idea, uh, that was submitted to me via Twitter by a user.
GEOFF: And I wrote it down and I lost that piece of paper and I can no longer find it.
GEOFF: So sir, I am sorry- Or Ma'am MICHAEL: That is shocking.
RAY: Geoff, I can't believe you thought of this on your own!
GEOFF: I can't- GAVIN: Even if you had the paper, wouldn't be able to damn read it.
MICHAEL: Yeah, it's true. GEOFF: His or her idea was that we should do, uh, 'Things To Do: Sumo'.
GEOFF: But since we, uh, aren't- that fat.
GEOFF: And we can't really push each other in GTA- I mean, I guess you kinda can but it- yeah, it doesn't really work.
MICHAEL: You probably just run. GEOFF: So we're gonna- We're gonna modify 'Sumo' to make it 'Bloodsport'.
GEOFF: Because Jean Claude Van Damme's cooler than E. Honda anyway.
GEOFF: Okay!
GEOFF: Whew! So, guys, go ahead and get ready- RAY: Edmond Honda.
GEOFF: And whenever you guys are appropriately attired we will begin the Things To Do.
(Epic montage music)
MICHAEL: Shall we- Shall we do this?
RAY: Yeah, let's do it. MICHAEL: Let's do it.
JACK: Where are hats at?
MICHAEL: Over by the hats. GEOFF: Okay!
GEOFF: So, uh, everybody just go ahead and get in your vehicles or my vehicle or whatever - I only have a two-seater though,
MICHAEL: Oh. GEOFF: And follow me to the arena.
MICHAEL: I blew mine up on the way here. GEOFF: And I'll explain the rules.
MICHAEL: Can I ride with someone? GEOFF: Oh! Everybody's all-
GAVIN: I don't think so, Michael.
MICHAEL: Hm, alright.
GEOFF: It's like we're- It's like it's 1AM and we're out- MICHAEL: I hear, uh, I hear mine so-
GEOFF: We're in the parking lot of a Whataburger. MICHAEL: Hey, Geoff, I'll ride with you.
MICHAEL: Whether you like it or not.
GEOFF: Showin' off our neon. GAVIN: Ah! The-
RAY: Where are we going? GEOFF: Jack knows what I'm talking about. MICHAEL: I don't think these cars are outside a Whataburger.
MICHAEL: Maybe that lawnmower. JACK: [laughs]
MICHAEL: That's probably outside Whataburger GAVIN: Jack-
GAVIN: You have some broad shoulders. JACK: I'm wearing my gi!
GEOFF: [laughs]
JACK: That's about as close as I-
JACK: Awww! GEOFF: That sounded bad.
GAVIN: Why did that happen? MICHAEL: Alright, see, I heard all those mines.
GAVIN: Why, Ray?
GEOFF: [impression] "Mine?" MICHAEL: Well, Ryan's not here, he had to make up for it.
RAY: Yeah. Something has to happen in the video, Gavin. JACK: [laughs]
GAVIN: Oh, fair play.
MICHAEL: Well, the video didn't really start yet... Ray.
RAY: MADNESS!
GEOFF: [laughs] JACK: [laughs]
JACK: [impression] "One step beyond!"
RAY: Also, you're driving a lawn mower, Gavin, for fuck's sake.
GAVIN: I mean, it was a nice shiny lawn mower, though.
RAY: Was.
JACK: [laughs]
MICHAEL: I'm watching the circle be created, Geoff, and it looks magnificent.
GEOFF: Is it getting any darker? GAVIN: Ray, you've got turbo!
GEOFF: I feel like it's getting darker. RAY: Yeah. JACK: Yeah, it's getting darker.
GEOFF: Yeah.
GEOFF: Alright, I'm gonna do one more lur- lap, and then this'll be our battle circle. JACK: One more lurp?
RAY: Lurrrp. MICHAEL: Alright so, Geoff- GEOFF: What we're gonna do-