-Vladimir Putin once again threatened the world
by climbing Russia was not bluffing
with its threat to use nuclear weapons
in its brutal war against Ukraine,
a threat that prompted Donald Trump to once again
say something totally insane and incoherent.
For more on this, it's time for "A Closer Look."
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
Russia's invasion of Ukraine has been going terribly
for Russia recently,
with Ukrainian forces pushing back Russian troops
and regaining control of large swaths of territory,
so now that Putin is backed into a corner,
he's threatening once again to look inward
and see how he can change
to become not just a better leader,
but also a better man.
Oh, wait. Nope. Sorry. Read that wrong.
He's threatening once again to trigger a nuclear war.
-Vladimir Putin announces a major escalation
in his totally unprovoked invasion of Ukraine,
the Russian president calling up 300,000 military reservists
and threatening to use nuclear weapons.
-Vladimir Putin doubling down in his war against Ukraine,
in a national address, ordering up more troops
after a series of setbacks
and vowing Russia will use "all means at its disposal"
and he added, "I am not bluffing."
-Okay, the problem with Putin is,
even if he was bluffing, it would be impossible to tell.
The guy is a former KGB agent and he's addicted to Botox.
[ Laughter ]
His expression never changes.
It doesn't matter if he's losing a war
or riding a roller coaster.
[ Laughter ]
He wouldn't even crack a smile
if Paul Hollywood shook his hand!
[ Laughter ]
[ Imitating Putin ] "I'm this week's Star Baker.
Thank you. I feel nothing."
I mean, I can't think of a single thing
that would make one of the world's most evil
and dangerous men smile.
Oh, right.
[ Laughter ]
Like, in all seriousness,
can you imagine this guy ever telling a joke?
You know how presidents here in the US
have to do jokes every year
at the White House Correspondent's Dinner?
Well, except for Trump, who refused to do it,
because he got teased one year by some dumb young kid
who didn't know any better and then,
you know, ran for president.
You remember M.C. Butterfly Effect over here.
Anyway, imagine if Putin had to do that in Russia.
[ Imitating Putin ] "They say war in Ukraine is going badly.
Almost as badly as press tour for
'Don't Worry, Darling.'
[ Laughter ]
If you laughed at that joke, you will be poisoned.
And it is the worst kind of poison,
because Harry Styles spit in it.
Chris Pine knows what I'm talking about."
[ Normal voice ] World leaders are reportedly
making contingency plans in response to Putin's threat,
as well as communicating in private with Moscow
about just how bad an idea that would be.
-We have communicated directly,
privately at very high levels to the Kremlin
that any use of nuclear weapons will be met
with catastrophic consequences for Russia,
that the United States and our allies will respond decisively,
and we have been clear and specific
about what that will entail.
-We have communicated to the Russians
what the consequences would be,
but we've been careful in how we talk about this publicly,
because from our perspective,
we want to lay down the principle
that there would be catastrophic consequences,
but not engage in a game of rhetorical tit-for-tat.
-I guess it's at least a relief to hear that,
after four years of nonstop tat from the world's biggest tit.
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
So as Russia loses more ground,
Putin and some of his top officials
have been threatening to use weapons of mass destruction.
And it's been a deeply revealing study in contrast
to see how different the reactions have been
from Joe Biden and Donald Trump.
First, there was Biden, who was asked about the possibility
that Putin might use nukes on "60 Minutes" earlier this month,
and adopted a very sober tone.
-As Ukraine succeeds on the battlefield,
Vladimir Putin is becoming embarrassed
and pushed into a corner.
And I wonder, Mr. President,
what you would say to him if he is considering
using chemical or tactical nuclear weapons.
-Don't.
Don't. Don't.
-I like when Biden treats a world leader
like his dog Major threatening to bite a Secret Service agent.
"Major, don't!
Don't do it, Major.
Damn it, Major!
Now, I got to send you back to Scranton,
and I'm cutting you off financially.
You'll have to go back to tending bar."
Anyway, Biden continued from there,
but he just didn't reveal many details.
-It would change the face of war unlike anything
since World War Two.
-And the consequences of that would be what?
What would the U.S. response be?
-You think I would tell you if I knew exactly what it would be?
Of course I'm not going to tell you.
-Okay, but could you tell us a little?
I would just love to know if I need to start reinforcing
my desk with concrete so I can use it as a bunker.
Because right now all I have is my attic,
and that place is filled with wasps.
Plus, I've been told by many a YouTube commenter
that the lighting for my home shows made me look like,
"young crypt keeper or old Loki."
So Biden has been stern but quiet
about how the US would respond.
Trump, meanwhile, has been speculating wildly at rallies
and other events about insane ideas like bombing Russia,
but blaming it on China by putting Chinese flags
on a US fighter jets.
That's a real thing he actually said.
It's one step removed from Bugs Bunny
dressing up as a lady to trick Elmer Fudd.
[ Imitating Trump ] "Poor Elmer Fudd.
He had such a boner for the ladies that when...
when he saw one with pretty red lipstick,
he ignored the whiskers and the buck teeth.
It wasn't until he saw the cotton tail that he realized,
'Elmer, you've done it, you've done it again, Elmer.
You've -- You've tried to have sex with a rabbit.'"
And then this weekend at a rally in North Carolina,
he brought up the topic of nuclear weapons
in the weirdest and most uncomfortable way possible.
-You know, Putin mentioned the N-word.
You know what the N-word is?
-Now...
[ Laughter ]
...I have to imagine
there was some percentage of that crowd,
however large or small,
that heard that sentence and thought to themselves,
"Oh, my God, it's finally happening!"
Meanwhile, Biden was probably watching
that like this --
-The N-word! You know what the N-word is?
-Don't.
Don't. Don't.
-And to be fair, it seems like Trump sensed
what his crowd was thinking, too,
because he quickly had to clarify himself.
-You know what the N-word is? It's --
No, no, no.
It's the "nuclear" word.
He mentioned the N-word yesterday.
The nuclear word, not supposed to be mentioned.
You could end up in World War Three.
And this will be a war like we've never had before.
It won't even be close,
because we're being run by stupid people.
-Yeah, you know, stupid people, like the kinds of people
who are refer to the word "nuclear"
as "the N-word."
What's wrong with you?
Why would you shorten a word no one shortens like that?
"You know, honey, I have to say, your sister is a real C-word.
That's right. She's a real charmer."
[ Laughter ]
Maybe he shortened it because it's easier
than saying the word nuclear, because at this rally,
there were times when he clearly had trouble
getting any words out of his mouth,
as evidenced by whatever the hell
he was trying to say here.
-Our once-great country --
Remember, I was going to say,
I was gonna use an expression,
we have to keep our country great --
but it's not -- I mean,
for some reason, it's just not great anymore.
-I love that famous expression.
Very...
Did you crib that from Winston Churchill?
You should put that on a hat.
[ Laughter ]
What happened to him there?
I would say he lost his place in his script,
but he never follows one to begin with.
It's also, I like when Trump gets so confused,
he can't even find his way back to one of his standard lines.
Like if you're really that lost,
just toss in a "crooked Hillary" or a "lock her up" or something.
Instead, he turned into Ralph Kramden.
"It's not I mean, for some reason --
hummina-hummina-hummina."
By the way, we did a "Honeymooners" joke last week,
and the audience went as dead silent
is when Trump said the phrase "the N-word."
And yet tonight, we decided to call it back in a new segment
we've dubbed "Seth Doubles Down on a Stinker."
-Hardy-har-har.
[ Laughter ]
Also, when it comes to nuclear war,
I'm not sure we should be taking advice from a guy
who stole highly sensitive, classified documents
about a foreign country's nuclear capabilities
and stashed them away
at his private beach club, Mar-a-Lago.
I'm guessing they were just
laid out in tiny dishes around his office
the way my grandmother put out hard candies.
And by that, I mean on every possible surface.
She loved a hard candy, my grandmother.
Used to walk into the candy shop and say,
"Give me something sweet that's harder than
living through the Depression."
Now, as we told you last week,
an appeals court ruled that the federal criminal investigation
into Trump's handling of those documents can move forward.
And yet, oddly, there's only one current or former president
Republicans seem focused on impeaching, and it's not
the one facing multiple criminal investigations and civil suits
he stole classified documents from the White House
and fomented a violent coup to overthrow American democracy.
-Congresswoman Nancy Mace believes there is pressure
on House Republicans to try and impeach President Joe Biden
if they take control after the midterms.
-Do you expect
an impeachment vote against President Biden
if Republicans take over the House?
-I believe there's a lot of pressure on Republicans
to have that vote,
to put that legislation forward and to have that vote.
I think that is something that some folks are considering.
-These people are so crazy.
The guy you support can't even complete a full sentence.
In fact, I'm pretty sure if you asked Republicans
what specifically they want to impeach Biden for, they'd say --
-Gate -- buh-buh. But it's not...I mean...
-I mean, what are you going to impeach him for?
Not stealing classified documents?
Wearing sunglasses inside?
Doing that thing where he occasionally looks like
he's not sure where to stand and just kind of get stuck on stage?
Look, it's funny, okay?
It's funny, and it happens to all of us.
One time I got so lost in the Mall of America,
I ended up just moving there and getting a job
as an LL Bean mannequin.
[ Laughter ]
This is how badly the Republican Party
has degraded the institutions of our government.
They see power purely as a means to reward themselves
and punish their enemies,
even in the midst of major global crises
that should inspire bipartisan cooperation.
Republicans want to impeach Joe Biden for no reason,
but if you ask them to hold Trump accountable,
even just a little bit, they'd say --
-No, no, no.
-This has been "A Closer Look."
♪♪
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