- I've known for a very long time
I'm a fusion between boy and girl.
I'm just stressing about not being feminine enough.
(speaking Spanish)
It'll be so much easier if I just accepted the identity
that people saw me.
Not having control over what your body is doing
is really terrifying.
- Good breath and then just speak.
- My name.
- [Doctor] Good.
- [Andrea] I'm a trans woman now.
(soft upbeat music)
So I just parked here at Kaiser.
I'm about to walk in and get my first shot of estrogen.
I just called my aunt and let them know what I'm doing.
And she was super supportive.
She didn't ask as many of the, like
"What are you sure questions?"
And she was just more, like, well, you're really blessed
that you have a family that supports your minds
and you don't have to worry about housing or a job
you know, like really a wonderful privilege and a blessing.
So I just had my first shot of estrogen.
I don't know if that was a placebo effect or what
but I couldn't stop smiling.
I just can't believe it happened like and so it begins.
(soft upbeat music)
I feel very excited for this Mexico trip.
I am here, thank goodness, y'all It's raining
and It's so beautiful.
I'm just thinking about how grateful I am
to be Mexican, to have access to such beautiful land.
I'm going to go see my family.
It'll be the first time I see a lot of them since I came out
- Right now we're in the Hacienda la encarnicion
and this is where my parents and my mom lived.
They lived here for many years.
They met here.
My dad was a farmer and they were really poor.
And eventually they were able to buy this beautiful estate.
And now it's a family reunion center.
Well every year since we were little,
we get together to celebrate the La Virgen del Carmen,
the Virgin Mary origin Del Carmen.
- We usually have a little ceremony for my cousin
Julian, who passed away when he was two years old.
That's why were wearing white.
We try to recite the brightness we brought into our lives.
I'm a little nervous, just cause I know
that they know my old identity so well
and I don't look to drastically different.
So is our family reunion
and I should have snap the group picture
cause I was too busy worrying about the way that I look.
I don't know if they'll necessarily quickly or easily
or readily accept my chosen name and my pronouns and XYZ.
- [Interviewer] So is this, I guess perhaps the first year
that you're here with both your daughters?
- Yes, this is the first year.
Yeah. There are no words, It's just first year.
- Turning off the call, so what were you feeling
when I called you from the gym?
- I don't know.
My first instinct, whenever it comes to anything
having to do with you is that I would just want you
to be happy.
That's always been my guiding principle.
We didn't have the easiest childhood, right?
I just wanted to make sure that you were in a good place.
Other than that, as long as you're doing it,
like in a safe and healthy way
then we're with you every step of the way.
- It feels like very different.
I am older. I graduated college.
I'm living on my own.
And I've decided to make this huge life choice.
It just feels like I'm born again.
Like the process is like, I'm going through puberty
and I'm experiencing my body change.
- Feels like we're the whole family is transitioning.
I'm transitioning with my son to become a daughter.
And now you get to say goodbye to your son
and then get used to having a daughter and calling her her.
It's not easy.
I remember when he came out and I said,
"Whatever makes you happy, baby."
And then I said, "But you have to be,
I don't want it to be a flamboyant gay.
I wanted to be an elegant gay."
And then he started dressing up in drag
and I was like, "No, no, no, that's not what I want."
Andrea has been one of my greatest teachers.
She said, "Mom, you like that I'm very smart.
You'll like that I go to Berkeley.
You love all these things about me
but the things that you don't like,
those parts you reject."
And he says, "Then you don't love all of me.
You really only love what you want to love."
And that was a huge awakening for me.
(speaking Spanish)
Now that he, she said, "You know what
I want to this is who I am
and I want to be the most authentic self that I can be."
She has been doing this journey on her own
for so many years.
And when she told me the biggest pain for me was like,
it was a lot of compassion.
Like I've never struggled with my sexual identification,
never and I felt that she has been pretty much alone
living out of a box under her bed.
Not free.
- I feel like in this whole process I'm also learning
what it means to be feminine
and what it means to be a woman
and what I means to I don't know
be on the other side of life.
- You, whether you want it to or not have always
been given a position of privilege within our culture
in addition to general society
and all the women in our family are in anomaly.
We know what we want and we go and we get it.
But at the same time, we do it with this assumption
that we're doing it for the group.
And that's something that we try to instill in our men
but our men are still taken holds
by this assumption that they come first.
It's something that we all have to work on
and you have the benefit of having seen both aspects of it.
So maybe we can learn a whole lot more from you.
- I'm scared. I get scared that they might hurt you.
I get scared that they might make fun of you, as a mother.
And that's my biggest source of pain
but I want you to be you.
I remember the massacre in Orlando
and I remember seeing all the mothers crying
and saying, "I just want to hug my son or my daughter."
And I said, "I don't care if my son is a chicken.
I don't care. I just want to be able to hug my child
for the rest of my life."
The happiest for me is that you and I get to go to meetings,
to women's meetings together
and we were going to get to go to retreats together
and share this new journey of spirituality.
- I've always wanted a sister, but I think I've always
thought I've had a sister.
I think there was a slight period when I realized the way
that I saw you was like, had to be altered.
And I didn't want a little bit for like the way
in which I thought I saw you, but that's not who you were.
So if anything, I'm just more grateful that you're
becoming who you've always been.
And that we're able to share that with you.
(speaking Spanish)
- The last two months have been super supportive
which is really nice.
- Mares, we grew up together.
You've always been a brother to me
and now you're just a sister and nothing's changed.
(speaking Spanish)
- Andrea, doesn't matter if you're a man or a woman.
What makes you beautiful is your heart.
(upbeat music)
- My coworkers have taken on my chosen name
and my correct gender pronouns, which feels really awesome.
We even did a gender and sexuality diversity training
at the LA LGBT center.
I just met Drian and she's super sweet.
- So the old idea was that for trans people,
oh, that's somebody who was a man who became a woman
or a woman who became a man.
Well, for me, I have always been a transgender woman.
- No, I don't feel too stressed about speaking
in front of all my coworkers,
because that's actually one of the biggest reasons
why I decided to transition.
Everyone's so supportive and so just open-minded
that it's really made me feel comfortable enough
and owning and living in my truth.
My name is Andrea Mares.
Queer for me has always been very political.
We just wrapped up.
My heart is honestly full to see so many of my colleagues
that come and support and expand their minds.
My mom and my sister, love y'all.
But since it's so fresh and since I'm not really
presenting super feminine with them yet
like they keep using my old name and he/him pronouns.
Now that I've gotten a taste of what it feels like
to be seen and affirmed, to have it come from my family
is like a little upsetting.
At the end of the day this whole coming out process
is a daily struggle for trans folks.
Sadly, I think it's just going to come down to me
having to have breasts and wear dresses
and do my makeup every day.
For those closest to me to start saying,
"Oh, this is mija, this is Andrea."
And like, I don't knock them for it
but it's coming to understand the fact
that these institutions and histories
and habits are entrenched in people's minds.
Them sticking to them doesn't mean that they don't love you.
It just means that they have to try harder.
My body's changing a little bit
and then I started realizing this is my life now.
I'm only going to start looking more feminine.
(soft upbeat music)