How can you spot it, too?
I'm going to be breaking it down in this video coming up.
So, lots of politicians and people on the news, definitely gaslight.
Lots of people in your personal life gaslight too,
but sometimes you see it in celebrities,
you see it in politicians, so I just want to highlight
how Governor Cuomo has been gaslighting,
so that you guys can see it played out in the public eye
that way you can spot it and
I'm also going to, at the end of this video
give you some ways that you can fight back
against gaslighting and be able to shut it down
so, make sure you watch all the way to the end,
so that when you're negotiating,
you'll be able to have some ways,
some actual concrete ways to shift that dynamic and
shut it down.
So Governor Cuomo, obviously, all these employees came out and
said that he was sexually harassing them.
The state attorney came out and said that they investigated,
they talked to hundreds of people,
they analyzed, like, 74,000 pieces of evidence,
they looked at texts, they looked at photos,
they talk to all these people and
they ended up filing this report and
he ended up ultimately resigning,
but I saw an article actually in Huff Post
about how he actually was gaslighting.
When you look at the emails and
there was a woman that actually came out,
there was actually another article about this where
they were actually talking about how he was gaslighting
when they went to express their feelings about how they felt
when he was basically crossing the line,
they felt like, uncomfortable or he was crossing boundaries,
that he was gaslighting them.
So, let's first of all, go back and talk about what gaslighting is.
So, gaslighting is when somebody says something to someone and
says, “Hey, you said this, or “This is how it happened”,
or “Wasn't this what you said?” or something like that,
they say “No, that's not how it happened”
or “That's not what you said”
They try to make you think you're crazy.
“You're remembering it wrong”, “You said it wrong”
That's not how it happened.
They're trying to make you think that you're crazy.
So, that's basically what gaslighting is.
So, while there are a lot of specifics here,
one of the women for example,
Charlotte Bennett said that he was absolutely gaslighting her
by insisting that he was only showing concern towards her
during certain encounters that had made her feel uncomfortable,
like, it wasn't sexual harassment, he was only showing concern and
by the way, I just want to make a comment here that
I'm not trying to be a Democrat or Republican in any of these videos,
I'm not leaning one way or another,
I'm just simply pointing out examples of narcissistic behavior
so that you guys can spot it when you are going to negotiate.
That's my little disclaimer when it comes to these things.
All right. Okay, so let me just go back.
Another one of these denials,
he shifts the blame on his accuser,
saying that his executive assistant,
who accused him of groping her,
was the initiator of the hugs and
he was just going along with it because
he didn't want to make anyone feel awkward about anything.
Other examples of things like gaslighting,
these are not specific examples of
what Cuomo might have said, or not have said, because,
I don't know exactly what he might have said,
but an example of gaslighting might be,
“That's not how it happened”
“I was only showing concern for you”.
Other forms of gaslighting are just complete denials,
“It didn't happen” “You're just crazy”
“You're remembering it wrong” “You agreed to it” and
I do have a lot more of this on my video called
“Narcissistic gaslighting phrases”.
You can definitely check it out.
So, one of the ways that you can be sure
to protect yourself against this
in any potential legal action down the road,
is to definitely keep a journal in real time.
I've won entire cases on people's journals.
So like, when it happens, just write things down in real time.
You can keep notes on your phone,
you can keep notes wherever you need to,
but just write it down in real time,
exactly what happened, because
if you're keeping it in real time and
you're doing it at the same time and you can say,
I've always kept this journal and this is what it said,
that's definitely really helpful.
I had to deal with a narcissist in business myself and
I was gaslit by this particular narcissist as well
as we were wrapping up some business stuff,
I had this particular narcissist do things to me and
I had to go back to this person and say,
“Hey, this is not what we agreed to” and
the person would come back to me and say,
“Oh, we discussed it blah blah blah” and they would take
shreds of things that we might have said and
twist it into something else.
That's something else they do, by the way,
they might take like a piece of a conversation and
turn it into another whole conversation and
then make it seem like that was the conversation,
like you're not remembering what the real conversation was,
you're remembering it wrong, like,
acting like you're the one who's remembering it wrong.
Another way that you can protect yourself in these situations
is actually just send a confirmatory email right after
“We just had a meeting”, or “We just had a zoom call”
or “We just had a telephone conversation”,
“This is what we discussed, and
this is what we agreed to” Send it directly after,
even send a follow-up text, something like that.
A lot of times, if you don't record it in writing,
I just say it didn't happen.
If you don't record it in writing, it didn't happen because,
they'll just say it didn't happen or didn't happen that way
or you're remembering it wrong, whatever.
I mean, narcissists will do and say whatever they need to
to what I call project and deflect,
revisionist’s history is what they live on and
they completely just don't take responsibility for anything.
A lot of times they do get away with it,
at least initially, and it is frustrating
so the best way that you can defend yourself against that is to,
as soon as you possibly can,
either write it down somewhere or send them a writing
so that you are at least protecting yourself
as much as you can against that gaslighting.
It is frustrating. I've been there.
I just saw this playing out in the news
with Governor Cuomo and all these women and
obviously the allegations are alleged at this point,
but these are examples of what women are saying is gaslighting and
I wanted to take this opportunity to show you
what gaslighting looks like in real time and
also take this opportunity to teach you how to protect yourself
against that in a negotiation setting
so that you can potentially have that power
when you're negotiating, either in a workplace setting
or in any kind of litigation setting.
So, if you are getting ready to negotiate you are certainly free
to grab my free “Crush my negotiation” prep worksheet
at winmynegotiation.com and
also join my free private Facebook group at
“Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung”.
I'll definitely drop links to both of those things below as well.
Also, if you like this video, give it a like, give it a share,
drop me a comment.
We'd love to know what you think and
also any other examples of gaslighting you may have seen.
If you haven't subscribed to this channel,
I invite you to do that now.
Subscribe and hit that notification bell.
I'm Rebecca Zung.
I'm so glad that you're here.
Remember that today is a great day to start negotiating your best life.
I will definitely see you in the next video.