So the question is, "How do you spice
things up with your husband?"
My name is Paul Friedman, I founded The
Marriage Foundation
and we're going to talk about that but
we're going to talk about it a little
bit differently.
Because typically, what
people who suggest that are saying
is let's enhance the sexual connection,
let's build on sex
which is like the wrong thing to do.
It's not wrong to
spice up your marriage
but it's wrong to be doing
things in your marriage that are not
contributing
to the things that you want from your
marriage.
And what you should want from your
marriage,
what you should expect from your
marriage
are two main things. I call them the
promises
of marriage. One is happiness,
I mean it's just common sense yet we
never talk about it
but you want to be happier, and you
should want to be happier every single
day of your lives.
The other thing that you want, and this
is why
this spicing things up is tricky.
What you should want is love and if you
mix up
love and sex, it's going to
undermine your better aspirations
for your marriage. You want to enjoy
love. Think about it. What is the thing,
the one thing that always works
to bring you happiness? It's not a new
car.
It's not jewelry. It's not a night out on
a town. They make you happy but that kind
of happiness is
fleeting. You remember some of those
moments
in your memory but your memory has even
enhanced
the scenes so that you have a little
laugh
or you feel good about it, but the love
when you feel that connection with your
husband
which is not sexual. You may have felt it
during sex
but it's not sexual -- it's actual love.
Love is a mystery in our world, isn't it?
We talk about it as if we know what
we're talking about
but we really don't because we don't
look at it for what it is. Everyone's
afraid to use the word
spiritual so let's make it really simple.
If you can't touch it, if you can't
see it, taste it, etc., if you can't
comprehend it through your five
senses yet you know it's
there then it's spiritual that's what
defines
spiritual as opposed to material.
So love outweighs
all the material gifts one could ever
hope to achieve in life.
Ask anyone who's made millions and
millions,
what's the most important thing for them?
Well, they're about to die and they'll
tell you.
The love that they have had in their
lives
so that is what you want in your
marriage.
The promises of marriage are happiness
ever-increasing and love, ever-expanding
and that is not going to be
built up by spicing things up.
So I'm urging you to really learn much
more about marriage.
Subscribe to this channel, there's so
much to learn.
Read one of my books. Get one of the
programs that we have at
themarriagefoundation.org.
Now we've got a podcast that's come out.
You could listen in on that. You could
read articles.
The main thing is you got to get
marriage educated.
So when we talk about spicing things up
in your marriage we're talking about sex
bottom line. When what you really want to
do
is infuse your marriage with loving
behavior. So, what are the things you
should do?
You should smile more. You should avoid
the things
that take away from happiness. Avoid
criticism,
avoid reactivism,
avoid complaining
and instead, replace those things and
replace them in your mind.
Replace them at the level of the
thoughts.
So if you have a thought that is being
judgmental about your husband,
turn it around and make it a thought
that's praising your husband.
If you're having a thought that's
critical,
turn it around. Make it supportive.
Everything that comes out of your mouth
should be loving.
What he should see when he looks at you
is an endearing
smile that captures his heart,
what could be more romantic
than you lightly touching his hand
with a smile and the words, "Honey,
I love you more today
than when we got married."
That's where you want to go, that's just
the way to spice things up.
Thank you for spending time with me! Like
this,