- Oh my god, (gasps) it's so kawaii!
This is some smart marketing,
I will tell you that right now.
(romantic music)
- Back doing dating simulators, I love it.
- Maybe today is the day I finally
find my OTP, my one true love.
- Today, we're gonna play KFC's new dating simulator,
I Love You Colonel Sanders,
which is something I've said before they released the game.
- A finger lickin' good dating simulator (chuckles).
I'm gonna be dating Colonel Sanders today?
Probably.
- I'm from Kentucky and I'm a vegetarian,
so this is, like, doubly blasphemous.
But whoever I see I'm gonna win their heart.
- Being recently single, this is gonna help me,
juice up my swag a bit.
Learnin' how to talk to people.
So that's what games really are for,
to teach us how to play life, the hardest game of all.
- Let's get crispy (laughs).
(trumpet buzzes) Ew.
- Whoa.
- This really reminds me of anime,
and I really love anime, I'm kinda upset.
- Me and Colonel, we got the same glasses,
so I'm already feeling the synergy.
- I hate how much I love this right now.
I'm ready to roll, I'm ready to fall in love.
- Is this a bootleg BTS?
Your first day of culinary school is no time to sleep in.
- I gotta smack that clock, baby.
- You confidently grab a biscuit.
Wait, why do we just have a biscuit?
- Whoo, look at that anime biscuit.
- I see you, KFC.
I am craving them now, though, so.
- You're sweating buckets as you rush to leave in time.
Uh-oh, we stanky.
- Standing in the quad, you gaze upon the magnificent
University of Cooking School Academy for Learning.
I love how long the name of the school is.
- Here comes your lifelong best friends forever, Miriam.
- She's the most adorably awkward person you've ever met,
and you absolutely love her for it.
- I love her!
Good morning, Kelsey, are you excited for the first day
of the rest of our lives?!
Obviously.
- All summer you've been hearing rumors
about the dreamy, enigmatic mystery student
who enrolled at the school, they say he has powers!
He's had them ever since he was born from an egg.
He was born from an egg, like a chicken?
- Before you get another word out,
you're rudely interrupted when someone smacks your books
and custom engraved measuring spoons out of your hands
onto the ground.
- Ooh, it's our rival!
It's Aeshleigh, your arch rival.
She's totally evil,
but you can't help be filled with jealousy.
She can get everything she wants and she knows it.
- Yeah, she's already won my heart.
Ooh, thick.
- Across the quad, you see Aeshleigh's best friend,
Van Van the Man Man, stopped to look at his own reflection
in the mirror.
Whoa, handsome!
- Oh, they both thick.
By the way, Van Van looks like a character
straight out of Jojo.
If you haven't watched Jojo's Bizarre Adventure,
check it out.
- You amateurs can learn a lot from us.
All right, Van Van! You have a name that is two things
and your hair is a star, you need to calm down.
- I know this is about Colonel,
but Aeshleigh stepped into my life.
(farts)
- Oh, that's gross.
- Is this a puppy or a child? (laughs)
- As you approach the door (laughs)
you see a goofy lookin' kid
pushing hard against the window directly next to it.
I think it's broken.
You reach forward and easily pull the door open.
- I love you!
Oh Pop, let's slow down.
- You got this one guy who's got these powers
and he's enrolled in the same school
as this little weirdo.
- Is it just me, or is he kinda cute?
No, Miriam, no.
Sprinkles the dog is our teacher!
- The health code's out the door.
- Please call me Professor Dog.
I may be cute and a little fluffy,
but I still demand respect.
Woof!
- Head Instructor and CEO of our school?
What do you mean CEO?
Why is there a wind of cherry blossom petals in the class?
I'm chilly!
Someone close the window!
And then, he walks in.
- Hello!
Handsome, yes.
He's also pretty jacked.
- I'm unhappy but also I'm thrilled.
- If it isn't my favorite student, Harland.
Colonel Sanders interrupts Sprinkles,
sorry, Professor Dog, before he can finish his sentence.
- Please, call me Colonel.
- Okay?
He's got super powers?
This is a three day course.
Why is he here again?
- You're immediately swept up in the aura of this
new student and his remarkable goatee.
- A hushed murmur rolls through the classroom as
Colonel Sanders walks down the aisle of the desk.
Suddenly the room is sweltering.
- Boy howdy, this classroom
gets hotter than a Kentucky fryer!
My family says stuff like that.
- Sweat begins to bead across your brow.
- Please use my handkerchief.
- Wait, Colonel Sanders is talking to you
about how sweaty you look?
You're completely mortified.
(gasping)
I'll take the handkerchief real sexy like.
- Just then, another student enters
the classroom and interrupts the professor.
- Who is this?
- Hi, guys, sorry I'm late!
I hope everyone had a good summer, I really miss--
- QUIET!
Sprinkles has no patience for this student.
- Okay so Colonel Sanders was late and interrupted him,
so clearly playing favorites.
Tardiness is unacceptable
But what about Colonel Sanders?
- Even Clank made it here on time, rolling
halfway across town on his tiny wheels!
Who's Clank!?
Oh my god, Clank is a robot. (laughs)
- Oh look at Clank! (laughs)
Buzz, whir.
- Why would you laugh at that?
- Oh, Clank, you rascal.
What is this game!?
- Hmm, your diet is lacking.
Based on what I'm picking up here, you definitely
need a multivitamin.
You should be taking better care of yourself.
Alright, I'm stanky, I get it.
- You decide to try to butter him up by
giving him a treat from your pocket.
But what kind?
A beef treat?
A rubber ball or chicken snack?
Chicken snack!
- I feel like this game is too on a tracks so
I'm gonna derail it for a second and give him a beef treat!
Are you trying to give me a heart attack?
I would never eat that.
Whoa!
Am I getting kicked out?
Please remove your apron
and then remove yourself from this class.
I lost.
- Seriously?
- I lost the game.
What am I gonna do?
My parents paid a lot of money for this three day school.
Alright, he wants a chicken snack.
- Settle down, young chefs!
Take your seats and prepare to have your minds
opened to the amazing possibilities of culinary creations.
As everyone rushes to claim their favorite seats,
you're left standing at the front of the room.
Only two options remain.
Hey, IFY, there's still a seat here.
- Oh my god, so do I sit next to Colonel Sanders
or do I sit next my best friend?
You move to take your seat by Colonel Sanders.
I'm not here to make friends. (laughs)
- Think fast, time for a pop quiz.
This is the first day of school.
- If train A is traveling to point B and train B is.
Oh my gosh, I'm so stressed right now.
- The first part is what have we call
in the math world unnecessary information.
So the real question, take away that.
How important is it to wash your hands before cooking?
- Extremely, lookin' at you Pop, you're dirty.
- Forest is a bunch of trees,
chicken is a bunch of feathers.
- I'm gonna guess this game is pro spork.
I don't know why.
- What food is best for a broken heart?
Anything, as long as it is prepared with love
and not too much salt.
As long as it is prepared with love.
Is Sprinkles a good boy?
- He's a talking dog that teaches at culinary school,
he is the best boy.
That is right.
I love that Sprinkle put that on their pop quiz.
I know we just met, but I have to confess
I think you have a beautiful brain.
What?!
- See that's my line right there.
It's like look I know came over here in this club
you got that dress on but
I'm really interest in that brain.
And you look like you know
what's poppin' with the pythagorean theorem.
- Time for lunch!
Thank god.
- Everyone, can I have your attention?
Why are you talking again, Thriller?
Pop, why are y'all sitting next to me.
- Howdy, folks, I'd like to make an announcement!
It's about lunch.
Everyone cheers.
In honor of the new semester, I have prepared something
special to share with everyone for lunch.
That's not appealing to me.
- Piled high are huge pieces of chicken,
breaded and fried to a crispy, golden finish.
I feel like, I'm being duped right now
into being an ad for KFC.
He's talking about his secret recipe,
everyone's very impressed and writing it down.
- Let's talk about this guy's meat paws.
His hands are huge!
- Dear diary, today I smelled something beautiful.
I knew at that moment that only the hands
of a true gentlemen could fry chicken so tender.
Oh, she tryin' to come for my man!
Back off girl!
- Easy now, there's enough for everyone.
Please, my fellow classmates, dig in!
That is what he would sound like.
- Takes one bite and his eyes grow wide,
starts contorting his face and then colonel
looks him straight in the face and says.
(speaks Japanese)
And then Van Van goes.
(speaks Japanese)
And then just explodes.
- I'm transporting
- Tasting Colonel Sanders' food transports me
to another dimension.
- Alone with your taste buds,
gripping a drumstick in your hand,
you float weightlessly.
Should I focus my mind and meditate on this moment.
Try and identify every flavor.
Savor the moment, and every that tell you about
Colonel Sanders' culinary heart.
Swim toward the light.
- I'm gonna focus on Colonel Sanders' culinary heart.
Alone with the flavors you feel something that
can only be described as love.
For a man, for a flavor?
Are they the same?
- Try and identify.
You let the food rest in your mouth and focus on it,
Could it be. (laughs)
He really did it, how bold!
How adventurous, to use blank!
- I wanna swim toward the light.
Your mind dissolves, there is no Matt, now.
There is only herbs and spices.
I died again, ugh!
I'll try again.
- I don't think I ever had another person cook for me.
It's the first time, I'm getting like
someone to romantically cook for me in a video game.
After tasting his, (laughs)
I hate this.
- After tasting his food, you try
to get some one-on-one time with the Colonel.
- Colonel, I wondered if I could talk to you for a second?
Anything for a fellow chef.
What exactly was on that chicken?
- It's an idea for a new combination of flavors
that will make me my fortune and establish my legacy
for all the time as I open a chain of highly successful
fried chicken restaurants.
No big deal.
- It's just you and me here talking, I can keep a secret.
In fact, I've got some of my own
I'd be willing to trade.
- Just one ingredient, but you can't tell.
I use (makes bleep sound).
So even the game is like bleeping out the recipe.
- Now you're two ingredients closer
to knowing the full recipe,
but you don't tell Colonel Sanders that.
I'm getting the recipe, and I'm winnin' Aeshleigh.
That's the sub game I'm playin'.
- Colonel!
Ah I found him in the quad.
I'm gonna neg him.
I stopped at a random fried chicken stand
the other day, and their chicken tasted
exactly the same.
I think I'm going down the wrong road again.
Hey, Matt, you saw that this game was called
a Dating Sim, right?
If that's your idea of dating, this is not the game for you.
(girl laughs)
- I'm gonna be modest but thoughtful.
Well, I just wanted to tell you that
I really enjoyed your food.
Now you've got his attention.
- I'm in a kitchen now!
- Alright, Sprinkles is welcoming us to this cooking arena
and for today's lesson we'll be cooking with partners.
Alright, we are going to pair off again.
Naturally, Miriam looks over at you,
but unable to control yourself,
you pounce on, I pounce on Colonel Sanders!?
All right, game?
Without you as a partner,
Miriam is left standing all alone.
Two different students quickly take notice.
Oh, it's Pop versus Clank!
- Clank is thousand percentage is probably gonna
be the better cook.
But Miriam was eyeing Pop,
I'm gonna suggest she goes with dirty bae
and build that love and when
she's focused on love thing she won't be
mixed up in me.
Sorry, Clank, but I think Miriam will be
partnering with Pop today.
Pop gives a big smile as he steps up
to the same station as Miriam.
I'm a chief!
Oh no.
Looks at you like really, this kid?
But it's too late to change your choice now.
You're the one thirstin'!
- All right, you two.
For today's lesson, we're going to keep it simple.
Pick a basic dish and divide up the steps.
I mean who can resist some mashed potatoes and gravy.
- A lot of times they use turkey as a base for gravy.
I can't have a chicken or turkey stock.
But I won't tell him that.
- Looks like things are getting pretty fresh around here!
Does someone have a crush on Colonel Sanders?
No, it's on you. (laughs)
- Are we battling right now?
We fit together like a thigh and a drumstick,
it just makes sense.
Back the fork off, Aeshleigh!
- We are cooking partners,
mind your own freaking business.
- You look down at your station and realize that,
in the tension of the tension of the moment,
your hands have been cooking on autopilot.
Distracted by the drama, you've already crushed
the boiled potatoes into a perfectly creamy mashed texture,
with plenty of butter and cream for flavor.
It's as if your natural passion guided you through
the steps you know so well
- So Granny taught me how to cook these mashed potatoes
but our village was attacked by a giant kaiju.
She handed me her recipe with a scarf
and was stepped on by 70-foot lizard
and my house, my granny was gone.
All I had was this recipe,
the last thing Granny said to me before
that giant lizard foot came crushing down on her was like,
"Have faith, you cook the best
"mashed potatoes you can, blast ultra."
- We finished these mashed potatoes.
(soft music)
- Oh, he's not gonna kiss me.
- Colonel Sanders holds a spork out to you.
You reach out and grab hold it,
but he doesn't immediately let go.
The two of your stand holding the same spork,
and for that small moment,
all of the madness and pressure in this crazy world stops.
The moment is electric!
Time stands still.
If you love something, set it free.
What?
- Van Van rushes back over, a covered dish in his hand.
It's on an axe!
- He serves octopus with silky saltwater sauce
plated on a battle axe, yuck.
- You've ignored me for too long, that ends now!
It is I who will have first bite,
and you will look on with envy.
- No, don't--
- Too late, it is eaten.
Ah, I think I left something in the oven.
Van Van disappears, student doesn't feel so good.
- It killed him. (laughs)
- When you look back at the plate,
the rest of it is gone.
You notice the tip of the tentacle being slurped
in Pop's mouth.
Is Pop gonna die?!
- The entire class has gathered to watch
Pop's final moments.
Adios, Pop.
We hardly knew you, because we didn't want to know you.
- Tastes like poison. (laughs)
- Oh, he didn't die.
- Seeing that you're shaken up by that
really annoying student and all his nonsense,
we're so mean to the student.
Colonel Sanders approaches you.
- Can you imagine him walking up to you
trying to give you a nice moment and then you hear
I'm sorry you had to go through that.
- I'm sorry you had to go through that.
Please let me walk you home.
Thank you Colonel.
Colonel Sanders is getting choked up.
Cooking is obviously important to him,
in a way that you find inspiring.
It might be the perfect time to tell him you're
developing feelings for him.
Oh my god, let's do it!
Let's do it!
There's something I need to tell you.
(trumpet honks)
What the frack Van Van!
- When I was just a boy I had a dream,
that one day I would be the greatest chef
the world has ever seen, okay.
- We should follow our dreams with all of our hearts,
that our souls may grant them like wishes floating
on a shooting star.
- Shut up, I'm the only one here
to say inspirational stuff and be the star of the story!
Forget him, we're talking about me!
Me, me, me, me, I'm the hero!
- The spork monster is here to fight a hero!
So now Van Van is like later nerds.
Dippin' out when we meet a monster.
- Be afraid, be very afraid, of me!
Because I'm a monster, see?!
I don't know if that's the right voice for spork monster
but I made it and I'm going with it.
- What will you do?!
Attack!
Cook with love., there's only one option.
Oh no, we upset the spork monster.
And it's gonna attack me.
It threw hot gravy at me and I take one damage.
Alright, we are just going to keep attacking.
- Think it might be a chicken nugget or
it might be a nice hard piece of mashed potato.
- I'm gonna defend.
I don't wanna hurt the spork monster.
I'm a lover not a fighter.
It spit hot gravy on me, no!
I will die here before I inflict damage on spork monster.
- I'm not gonna survive.
All right, I guess I'll defend, trepidation, sure.
I curl into a ball, who would never?
Feeling vulnerable, Spork Monster prepares
for ultimate attack.
- Vile villain, your reign of terror stops here!
- Summons the energy of 1,000 chickens!
(blows raspberry)
I mean he's got a nice physique
- Pot pie power pinch!
- Pot pie power pinch does 10 damage,
Spork Monster is defeated!
Colonel you saved me, oh my god.
- His mouth isn't as juicy anymore.
- How rude this game will not
let me be the hero of this story.
Forget mercy, finish him.
Nah, I'm gonna spare this wretched beast.
- I won't forget this.
And I certainly won't be back, like you said.
- And it left behind a special item.
It seems to be a cookbook.
- A book of magic spells, with golden chicken on the cover.
- You open the cover and find a library card tucked inside.
The last name to have signed it out Borko.
- The world around your begins to fade away.
Without any energy to keep your eyes open,
darkness overtakes you.
- Ooh you in my room now.
- He's in my room, I didn't even clean it.
- He must've helped me get home but in my tired state,
you don't know if you could've made it without him.
What a guy.
- Goodnight, my Colonel.
- We're dreaming, that we're together and for some reason,
Sprinkles is also there, instructing your love
dreams are weird.
That's true.
(laughs)
- Ah Sprinkles, and the other ones!
Whose names I don't remember and the ghost.
- That was truly bizarre.
- That was very thoughtful.
There's definitely like some fun anime themes
and RPG things they play with.
- I think maybe I can learn
to love a man who cooks chicken.
Maybe that's not so bad.
We both have facial hair.
The making out would be interesting.
- There's some nerd who works at KFC who made this
who actually does like watch all these things
and good job to you.
Whoever you are, out there.
- I'm upset by how hot Colonel Sanders is.
- I would love a chance to finish what I started
and chase down the Colonel, and maybe die a few more times.
(upbeat music)