Coming out of the Iowa primary,
the big winners were Bernie Sanders, Pete Buttigieg,
and anyone who didn't build that shitty app.
And last night in New Hampshire,
those top two kept their momentum going.
REPORTER: With a win in New Hampshire,
Senator Bernie Sanders taking control
as the Democratic frontrunner.
But not too far behind him,
Pete Buttigieg.
Despite winning the popular vote
in both Iowa and New Hampshire,
Sanders is behind in the overall delegate race by two.
REPORTER 2: One of the night's other big winners,
Senator Amy Klobuchar, who took third place.
She capitalized on the moment
by reintroducing herself to the country.
Hello, America.
I'm Amy Klobuchar,
and I will beat Donald Trump.
Yes, last night may have been the best night
for Bernie Sanders since he won that free cruise on Noah's ark.
But New Hampshire's biggest surprise was Amy Klobuchar,
who burst into the national spotlight
with a third place finish.
And the timing couldn't be better for Klobuchar.
Because, in many ways, you see,
the presidential campaigns are like getting drunk at a party.
Right? You want to peak at the right time.
See, the other candidates, they had their surge last year,
which was too early.
It's like getting wasted at 6:00 p.m.
Yeah. Because by the time the party's really going,
you're puking in the bushes, like... (retching) "I'm so...
"I'm so sorry I didn't pace myself. (cries)
I promise I'll do better in South Carolina."
So there's no denying that New Hampshire was great
for Amy Klobuchar's campaign,
and it was also a great night
for newspeople who love wordplay.
Senator Amy Klobuchar rode the Klo-mentum.
Are you feeling Klo-mentum?
Klo-mentum is real, and she has it.
A Kloba-surge.
-Klo-mentum. -Klo-mentum.
Klo-mentum. Klobu-charged. Klobu-surge.
They call it Klo-motion.
Is there Klo-mentum?
Oh! This is fun. I want to try, I want to try.
It's Klo-bbering time!
Yeah, yeah.
She gave them the old Klope-a-dope. (chuckles)
Yeah. New Hampshire has an outbreak of Klo-mydia.
-(chuckles) -(gasping, laughter)
All right, I'm done, I'm done.
I'm done. I'm done.
She killed it like Klo J. Simpson!
-Okay, I'm done, I'm done! -(gasping, laughter)
I'm done, I'm done. No more.
No more, no more. No more.
(laughter)
So, for Bernie, Buttigieg, and Klobuchar,
New Hampshire was a dream.
But, unfortunately, for some other big-name candidates,
it turned into a nightmare.
REPORTER: Another major New Hampshire headline,
the candidates who fell far behind,
including long-time national frontrunner Joe Biden
and Senator Elizabeth Warren.
Both failed to get enough votes to earn any delegates.
Before the race was called,
Biden, who placed fifth, was on a plane to South Carolina,
which will hold the nation's next primary.
REPORTER 2: Biden saw the writing on the wall.
He had left even before the polls had closed,
livestreaming into his campaign's
New Hampshire watch party.
Ooh. Joe Biden left New Hampshire
before the polls were even closed?
I mean, I've heard of fans leaving the game early,
but you know it's bad when the team leaves early
to beat the traffic.
The coach is just like, "All right, guys,
screw the fourth quarter. Uh, let's just start the bus."
I also feel especially bad for Biden supporters. I'll say that.
Think about it-- you came all the way out
to see your candidate, and then, instead, all you get is a video?
Imagine you were in, like, the dentist's chair
and your doctor pops up on the screen like,
"Aloha from Hawaii.
Here are three simple steps to perform your own root canal!"
So while Biden supporters wept frozen New Hampshire tears,
the man himself was already in South Carolina
looking toward the future.
REPORTER: Joe Biden spent his night in South Carolina.
His campaign is staking survival
on his strength with black voters.
I want y'all to think of a number!
99.9%.
That's the percentage of African American voters
who have not yet had a chance to vote in America.
Up till now, we haven't heard
from the most committed constituents
in the Democratic Party,
the African-American community.
(cheering)
That's right. Joe Biden's campaign
has basically become a Madea movie.
If black people don't turn up, it's toast.
And even though he's desperate, Biden does make a good point.
It is a little weird. You have to admit, it is a little weird
that the story of the Democratic race
has now been written by two states
that aren't representative of the Democratic Party.
Right? Think about it.
Two overwhelmingly white states shape
who the Democratic nominee will be, right?
And that's long before minority voters have had their say.
It's almost as if the Democratic party is having a buffet,
but then, white people get to pick the menu, you know?
And if you're black, that sucks,
'cause you get there, and you're just like, "Man,
why the hell is there raisins in everything, man?"
(laughter)
"And who the (bleep) is Broccoli Rab?"
(laughter)
So that's where the race stands after two primaries.
Buttigieg and Bernie are neck and neck,
and all the other candidates are hoping
for a boost in Nevada and South Carolina.
Now if you'll excuse me, it's time for us
to go away for a Klo-mmercial break.
Get it?