- Ball in the mouth.
I mean, you have to just eat a dick first don't you?
I wanna cry with happiness.
Hey everyone, I'm Hannah, welcome to my kitchen.
I don't think I've properly filmed here before.
But we're doing some baking.
And not just any baking, no, I teased this
in a previous video and you asked for it and I'm delivering,
we are baking, da da da da, genital shaped cookies.
You can't see from here, but these are genitals.
And like, internal reproductive organ stencils.
Normally when I'm baking or cooking, I like playing music,
but copyright, so I've got "Dancing Queen"
in my head for some reason, I'm just like, (humming)
Okay, so I found a recipe online,
we're gonna go Sainsbury's,
because when you search biscuit recipe online,
it's just all of these fancy things,
and I don't want that.
I want something that a child would make.
Except the child would not put genitals,
in their cookie dough.
First things first, apparently we need 200 grammes
of softened butter, but we do not have softened butter.
So microwave.
(upbeat jazzy music)
Yes, we have softened butter.
Now what?
In a large mixing bowl, use an electric whisk.
Don't have that, we've got a trusty old wooden spoon.
Butter and sugar.
200 grammes of white caster sugar.
Wow, this is so much easier to do
when you've softened the butter beforehand.
Who knew, who knew?
Uh!
It did say do not overwork, so I think we should stop there.
And we should also eat some, mm, mm, mm.
Ta da, this is my breakfast.
Beat in the egg.
But I have to like beat the egg first,
'cause it says, one medium egg, lightly beaten.
Lightly beaten egg.
So you've got eggs in your ovaries.
People with ovaries are born with all of the eggs,
that we'll ever happen and we very dramatically
lose them over time.
Roughly every month, from the start of puberty,
we release an egg from one of the ovaries, sometimes both,
that's how twins might happen.
And then the egg goes into the fallopian tube,
if there's no sperm around to fertilise it,
then it just continues down into the uterus
and then you have a period.
Ta da, egg comes from the ovary here,
down the fallopian tube, into the uterus.
And then you have your period which is the uterine lining
and then it comes out through your cervix,
through your vagina and into your underwear.
Ta da, education!
Sorry I'm looking here, 'cause I need to point
and don't know where I'm pointing.
Okay, what's the next step?
Beat in the egg, until well combined.
(upbeat electronic music)
Aw shit, preheat the oven, fuck.
Oh my god, I have to chill it for at least an hour,
do we have time for that?
Jesus Christ, really should've read this recipe
before I started.
Why do I have to chill it?
This is like fucking Bake OFF.
Just like proofing, put in the fridge,
right okay, let's go then, so we don't have to turn
the oven on right now.
Okay, I need to add the flour.
How much flour are we doing?
400 grammes of plain flour.
Add the flour and mix on a low speed
until a dough forms.
Do I sieve it though?
This is when Hannah starts panicking,
because I need specific instructions.
This is why I enjoy baking because it tells
you exactly what to do.
Okay, let's go with no, it doesn't tell me to,
so we're gonna avoid the extra step.
And just go, do we add all off the flour in one go?
Oh my god, it's so much flour.
Right, fine, we're just putting it all in
and hoping for the best.
(bright electronic music)
C'mon, this doesn't look like a nice dough,
it just looks like a crumbly...
floury mess.
Oof, fuck me, it's stiff, That's what she said!
What other educational moments can we have?
This is the internal clitoris,
because the clitoris extends inside the body,
a significant amount, what you see on the outside,
is the tip of the iceberg.
And it wraps around the vagina.
So often, internal vaginal stimulation
is actually as it's pressing against the walls
of the vagina, it's actually hitting the internal clitoris.
What do I have to say about the penis?
Not much, to be honest.
Fucking hell, is this some karma for dissing the penis?
Jesus Christ.
When do I add the vanilla?
Is there any vanilla in this recipe?
Aw, there isn't, I wanna add vanilla.
Oh my god, Hannah's being a rebel and adding her own
thing to a recipe, oops.
(gasps)
Okay, gather the dough into the bowl
and wrap in clingfilm and chill for at least an hour.
Right, still very floury in parts.
It has not mixed in, but it's definitely a dough.
This is gonna become some genitals.
That's how babies are made.
Clingfilm.
Come here.
Gonna chill this for an hour.
Hey Siri?
Set an alarm for one hour.
- [Siri] I've set an alarm for 10.57.
- Told you it was morning.
Okay, there we go, I'm gonna clean up this mess,
see you in an hour.
(humming)
We're back, it's been an hour, I cleaned the thing,
it's got a baking sheet on it.
This has been in the fridge for an hour,
and now we're gonna roll it out.
We need to lightly flour the surface.
Oven is on.
(squeals) Making a mess.
We'll flour the rolling pin as well.
I bought a rolling pin especially for this video.
(chill music)
Let's go this way, uh!
Can you even see what I'm doing?
Probably not.
All you need to know, is that I'm doing a fantastic job.
It looks a bit like the UK.
Let's just go with that.
Our beautiful UK shaped cookie rollout.
There we go, there's Scotland at the top.
And then it goes down, that little bump there is Wales.
And we're missing Cornwall, but other than that
it's the UK right?
Oh but no Northern Ireland, sorry.
You're this bit of flour over here.
So these are my cookie cutters.
We have penis.
Other penis.
This is like outside a penis
and this is like internal anatomy penis.
This one is gonna look like a vulva.
This one is the internal clitoris.
And then this uterus, and ovaries and fallopian tubes.
There we go.
So now we just start punching some holes I guess/
Right we're gonna do some cutting.
(squeals)
Oh my god. (laughs)
That is brilliant.
Oh wow.
Oh my god, the detail.
The detail,
(chill electronic music)
I'm pushing it all the way down, 'cause I feel like
the people that'd design these, it's like,
oh my god, look, you get all of the anatomy details.
This is perfect.
You can go there.
Push it all the way down, 'cause then it like cuts it,
but then these bits
Aw!
I love it.
I really hope I'm not pushing too far, but whatever.
(gasps)
I didn't think it would bring me this much joy, but.
Okay, let's keep going.
Let's just keep going.
Aw.
Oh my god.
I wanna cry with happiness, it's so beautiful.
It's so beautiful, more, more, more more.
Oh, that's my door, why's my door going?
It was the postman.
I'm assuming there's a book in here.
And then this thing, is some crickets for Mustard.
Where were we?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, it's not as detailed as that one,
but, (heavy breathing)
I don't actually know how many
we'll be able to fit on the tray.
But...
Oh boy.
Oh boy, is this a good day.
Aw no, don't rip!
The fallopian tube, no.
Please fallopian tubes, stay together this time.
Ah!
It's like how spaced apart do they need
to be on this baking sheet.
How much...
do they grow?
They shouldn't grow too much surely,
'cause it's cookies and it's biscuits.
Okay.
dun dun dun dun.
Dun dun dun dun.
Yay!
We have our trays, they're going in the oven.
Dun dun dun.
What do you say, 12 to 14 minutes, okay, awesome.
I know I probably should roll out this dough
and make some more.
But one, I can't be bothered,
and two, that's like a lot of cookies for one person to eat.
But maybe I can save this dough, can I save it?
I'm gonna wrap this back up in clingfilm
and put it in the fridge.
And then look up how long I can fridge it for.
Right, I'll see you in just under 14 minutes.
When we're gonna take 'em out and see how it all goes.
Ah, I really hope that they remain their shape.
They remain their shape, I really hope that they
retain all of the detail that's in the cookie cutters.
(humming)
Okay, they are done.
I couldn't film taking them out of the oven.
Because I was on the phone and a lot was happening.
But they are done, they're over there.
So these are like the thinner ones,
they didn't come out so good, the details
are definitely like gone on these.
But they still are good.
The clit looks good actually, the clit came out nicely.
Lovely jubbly.
These bad boys, these look amazing.
Oh my god.
The detail, the pubes on the scrotum,
it's just everything.
This is kind of amusing.
The leftover marks on the paper, aw, love it.
Can you see, can you see?
Oh yeah.
Look how beautiful that is, aw.
Stunning, stunning.
Yeah, boy.
Beautiful, beautiful vulva.
Pretty good.
I mean, you have to just eat a dick first don't you?
It's great, it's a Biscuit.
I'm not sure what Paul or Prue would think of it,
but I like it very much.
Mm, mm mm mm.
Other than a banana, this is the first thing
I've eaten today.
It is a very basic biscuit recipe.
But they're genitals.
Right, well thank you so much for watching this video.
I now have all these genital cookies to eat myself
for the rest of week.
Please give the video a thumbs up, if you enjoyed it.
I'm gonna leave the link in the description
to the website where I got these stencil things from.
Not sponsored or affiliated at all,
just I assume that lots of you might be curious
and be interested in getting your own,
so I'll leave it in the description.
Let me know in the comments if you're a baker.
And what like the best thing that you've ever baked
has been, and also what your favourite genital is.
Don't forget to subscribe and hit that notification bell.
So you don't miss another video,
I'll see you in the next one, bye.
Let's see if I can do this.
Oh!
Ball in the mouth.