In my heart. I'm back with Ashley and I want to be back with her.
But in my head, it's just an ongoing battle because I, again, don't want to let my mom
down. I don't want to let Ashley down.
I just don't have a planned decision right now.
It's something I have to go back and weigh and talk to my mom more about.
So Ashley and I have been on a break.
We've been on a break for quite a while and it's been quite necessary.
I wish Mom was a little supportive with it, but.
With you and Ashley? Yeah.
I was telling Anna, I was like, You know, Ashley and I are pretty good.
She sees me through and through.
I mean, we're both transparent and, you know, she's stuck around.
I mean, that shows, that shows some damn good commitment in a way.
I also want my parents to be on board both.
And, you know, because I've realized that, you know, if you're if your parents aren't on
board, then it makes it very hard and very challenging to for a relationship to actually
be practiced the way it should be.
I just feel like. I mean, you've just got to move your keep.
Yeah. As long as our relationship forward was going forward.
As long as I keep moving forward, I feel like, you know, time will heal itself and Mom
will probably come back around.
I mean, yeah, if you really like her and everything and you see a future with her.
Then just keep working on it.
I mean, that's what I'm doing.
If you don't see a future with her, then with everything that's going on in Jonas
life, I am very proud of him since he's moved back home and he's overall every day
improving between therapy and just mom and dad helping him.
I know he's just going to keep like, keep moving forward and and then eventually, like,
find a job and then move back out and then just continue to what he's doing right now
but just on his own.
So I'm very proud of him.
My friend Marina is coming over to give me a perm today at the house.
I'm very excited for it.
Something that I've never done before.
I'm getting a new look in place for the conference in Spokane, but also just for the
change of pace and keep everybody on their toes.
Amber, how are you?
Good. How are you? I'm good.
So, Joanna, we are perming your hair today?
Yep. Oh, my God.
Are you excited?
I'm looking forward to seeing what it looks like they look like.
I think they're more excited than I just want.
To see the final result.
Is it going to be like a Napoleon Dynamite perm, or is this something different Right
now?
The trend for young adults like Joanna is having a curly top and very shaved on the
sides. So it's the trend is in.
It's like dripping.
Wet. It's like ramen noodles over here.
So when can we dry it, or am I going to have to.
Like, keep it, like.
Hanging my head? Now I'm going to.
Have to dry the sides so I can cut your hair.
Woo hoo! What?
I guess Jonah's hair looks.
Like.
Just like noodles. Like ramen noodles.
Because they're kind of like curly.
So the noodles noodler Amber.
There you go.
You got to see in the mirror, and you can play with it, too.
There you go.
Thanks. It looks good.
Is the back door.
I can't see it. I'm definitely excited to show Ashley between the two of us.
I'm wanting to definitely keep the other on their toes.
She's kind of reserved and kept to herself, and she likes surprises, but it's to a
certain extent. So this is definitely going to surprise her.
And it's definitely what what I've intended to do all along was to show her that kind of
bam, holy.
I want to see Ashley at conference in a couple of weeks.
So I decided to, you know, give her a FaceTime call to check in and see how she was
doing and also show her this.
Oh, my gosh.
Your hair.
You like it?
Oh, yeah. On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate it?
9.5. Yeah, it's definitely different.
Ashley was, you know, completely thrown off because it's something that she's never seen
before. So and it's also something that she would never assume would happen, but I think
she likes it. I mean, she's like, it definitely is different, but it looks good on
you. It's just going to take some getting used to.
Well, I'm glad that you like it.
And it'll be good because we get to reconnected conference and.
Yeah. Everybody you'll see everybody's reaction then.
Yeah I'm.
Excited. It's been too long since our last one.
So I'm excited.
Yeah. To catch.
Up with everybody.
And stuff. We haven't seen each other since you came down, so it'd be cool to catch up.
Oh, yeah. In this type of setting.
And I've never been to Spokane either.
You haven't either.
Yeah. No.
So that's another state slash city to mark off.
Ashley and I are on a break, and now that conference is coming up.
I want to be able to kind of reconnect, slash, see if Ashley, you know, wants to.
Shallow things and go back to how you were.
But as of right now, we're, you know, both, you know, not dating.
You know, I was thinking, since we haven't seen each other, you know, maybe I could take
you out one of the times during the week, maybe to dinner or something.
If that's all right with you, we could catch up one on one.
It's been challenging being on a break with Ashley because, you know, it's somebody that
I truly care about.
It definitely sucks because, you know, you want to be with that person at all times.
But, you know, you got to have this break to be able to hopefully progress forward.
So, you know, that break kind of leaves a, you know, a question in the air or an
uncertainty as to whether or not, you know, this break can either end and she either
comes back or the break ends and she's like, you know what?
I'm going to turn the opposite direction.
And the last dinner that we had in conference, we that was kind of the kickoff
of things. If you think about it.
That was our first date.
Yeah.
Ish. It was a date, but we weren't dating.
Being that Ashley hasn't seen me in a while, I think that the changes in her perspective
are going to be very apparent because it's something that, again, she's not used to.
But it's a good change, and I think she's going to take it really well because that's
what we're all hoping for, for me, is to see change in a positive way.
And if she sees that, then, you know, my job here is complete.
Yeah, it'll be a chance to, I guess, recreate that moment.
You know, another one on one type, you know, atmosphere slash, you know, just us again.
When I saw Jonah for the first time after several months, it was good to see him.
I mean, the hair.
Yeah, I noticed the difference in the hair.
It's going to take time to get used to, but I like it.
So it's been.
A couple months since we last saw each other.
And now that I'm starting to get a feeling like of I think relief would be the best word
because of the fact that like, I'm battling with anxiety and all this stuff.
And I think the break ultimately has helped me.
I think so too.
We needed to just reevaluate and I think things have grown.
I've definitely seen a change in you.
Yeah. And then I've definitely seen a change in us because we were so, you know, tense
about everything. And now we've opened up more and I think that's good.
I was like wanting to know kind of where we stand now because, yeah, we were on a break,
but. If this rate is going to end, because that's what I'm hoping for.
I don't know right now as to whether or not my relationship can withstand the issues that
I've been going through. I mean, all I can do is hope.
But Ashley plays a big role in this, too, and her word means just as much as mine.
And I have to respect that.
We've both had enough time to reflect on this and I think now.
I feel like we should start things back up.
You think? Yeah.
I mean, I don't think we should dive into it, like, so fast again.
Don't take. But I feel like if we enter this on the same page of things, I think it'll be
a lot smoother this go round.
Yeah.
Ashley and I, we have a strong bond.
And that was it from the start.
And I had some setbacks that I had to work towards and bust my ass for to prove to my
parents that I'm able to handle something like this.
And I cherish it greatly.
I truly love you.
So that's why I'm like, you know, I'm.
Yeah, I'm doing it for me.
I'm doing it to show my parents that I'm capable.
But ultimately, like, this is the reason why I'm doing this.
Jonah Being committed into this relationship, it makes me feel good.
I mean, we've put a lot into it, and now we've come back together.
And I feel like we're stronger than we were before.
Now the next step is talking to my mom.
I mean, my dad is rooting for us.
And I think my mom is, too.
She just is is worried for the both of us.
She wants us to succeed.
And I see that now.
My hope is is to have a great time this weekend, but to also get my mom on board.
Yeah. If my parents aren't on board with it, I definitely want to know why.
Because I think I've checked off all the requirements, if you will, and I think it's
time to get Ashley back around.
And I hope that love wins.
At the end of the day, that's what I believe in.
Because if you're happy with who you're with and that's all that matters in my opinion, my
mom doesn't know that me and Ashley solidified things at dinner when the both of
us talked and I asked to, you know, see if we could pick things up, you know, when we
left off. And Ashley agreed.
I mean, we're good.
It's just, you know, the whole I want to just kind of reassure her that I'm still
bettering myself.
However, I've come a long way, but I also asked her, I was like, you know, now that
we've had a break, I think I'm at a good place to where I can just start reconnecting
again, but doing it on a slower pace.
I think my concern with you, you know, jumping right back in is we've got to, you
know, find a job.
Then you're also going to be enrolling in finance school.
So you're going to be working and going to school.
Jonah has a lot going on right now, and he is considering getting licensed for finance
in car sales.
What I don't want.
Is for me to lose focus off of that.
Or the overwhelming of I have so much on my plate and I can't do this and da da da da.
Being that Jonah has been living with us for the past six months, I do not foresee him,
you know, in the next six months, moving out on his own, working him and Ashley full time.
I don't I don't see him being ready for that things and challenges you know, that you are
going through do not heal and get better and and you know get back to normal that fast.
The other concern that I have with Ashley is you are an individual that needs some serious
motivation and you need a person in your life that's going to light a fire under your
ass and get you to be doing so.
I don't see that he doesn't have accountability to to get up, you know,
because he's not working on Saturday.
He's going to sleep all day and she's going to sleep right beside him.
When I'm finished bettering myself and I'm smooth sailing, I moved out and I have a job.
$0.05 that Ashley's pulling me back and that's where we cut the line.
But I'm still improving.
Ashley is still improving.
And I mean, for my mom, she was like, I don't really think you should end the break.
I mean, we're doing really well, so why stop?
So, you know, that's kind of what I'm fighting for, but I want to have ample
reasoning to show my mom as to why I'm fighting for it.
I truly love her and wanted to see her grow.
And but if.
It goes backwards like it was previously where you were.
No, because I didn't.
You were.
Failing.
It's no, my biggest fear is if I were to backtrack and all of this would be nothing.
I understand where Jonah is coming from.
In his eyes, having a relationship with Ashley is not hindering anything.
My focus is Jonah.
I need Jonah to be in a better place, to be healthier, to be back at work so he can move
forward and take care of himself for the rest of his life.
So we're not like thinking about like, marriage anytime soon?
No.
Okay. It'd be good to actually reach a point to where I've checked all the boxes and I'm
doing well. And hopefully if if that's where it takes us and I'm fortunate enough to reach
that level, hopefully she would be ready as well.
With all five of my kids, I want them to, you know, be independent and to be successful and
to, yeah, find somebody if that's their choice.
But with Jonah and Ashley, I see through it.
And this is not a good fit and it's going to end up failing.
And what I don't want to happen is.
Lust.
To take over and get him in a situation that, you know, not only costs you no money, but
costs so much mental anguish.
And with his instability as well, like, I don't want my kid to go through that.
I feel like the the break for Jonah and Ashley is not over.
Jonah is nowhere ready and nowhere completely healed and nowhere at a point in
his life to take on a full time relationship with a girlfriend.