SPEAKING OF BREAKOUT STARS OF THE INAUGURATION, WE HAVE
ANOTHER ONE WITH US IN-- REG, DO YOU NOTICE ANYTHING DIFFERENT
ABOUT THE STUDIO OR THE BAND?
TONIGHT.
>> Reggie: OH, THE GARLIC, GUILLERMO LOOKS PRETTY RAD, TIM,
LOOKING SHARP.
AND STEVE LOOKING GOOD.
>> James: YEAH.
>> Reggie: I DON'T KNOW.
OH, A NEW BARTENDER.
>> James: A NEW BARTENDER.
HE'S STANDING IN FOR IAN.
YOU WILL SEE THIS IMAGE EVERYWHERE AT THE MOMENT.
LOOK AT THAT, LOOK, I'M LOVING HAVING HIM HERE.
EVEN THE AUDIENCE IS FILLED OUT.
>> Reggie: IT'S NICE.
>> James: IT IS A CARDBOARD CUTOUT.
IT IS A CARDBOARD CUT OUT AND YET SHOW I CAN STILL HEAR HIM
YELLING.
DO YOU THINK BERN YE SANDERS KNOWS THAT THIS IS A THING?
LIKE DO YOU THINK HE EVEN KNOWS WHAT A MEME?
>> I THINK THEY SHOW IT TO HIM AND HE'S JUST LIKE.
>> THAT'S GREAT.
>> I THINK IS HE NONPLUSSED SWRZ I RECKON THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
BERNIE'S FINDING OUT ABOUT THIS BEING A THING.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE THIS ENDS.
YOU HAVE GOT TO SAY, AS A SHOW, WE HAVE REALLY COMMITTED TO IT.
SO YEAH, THAT WAS IT.
TALK TO ME ABOUT THIS.
GUILLERMO, REG, DID YOU GET IN TOUCH WITH EACH OTHER THIS
MORNING AND GO ARE YOU GOING TO WEAR YOUR CAMO JACKET?
THIS LOOKS LIKE IT'S MADE BY THE SAME PERSON, IS IT?
DO WE KNOW?
>> PROBABLY NOT, PROBABLY REGGIE'S COST MUCH MORE THAN
MINE.
>> Reggie: THAT'S REALLY SWEET.
>> James: I CAN ONLY IMAGINE THAT THAT'S TRUE.
>> Reggie: THIS OLD THING.
>> James: ANYTHING REGGIE'S GOT COSTS MORE THAN ANYTHING ANY
OF US HAVE WORN IN OUR LIVES, THAT IS THE TRUTH OF IT.
THAT IS THE ABSOLUTELY TRUTH.
WHEN I'M IN THE PARKING LOT, WELL, WHEN THERE USED TO BE
PEOPLE HERE IN TV CITY I WOULD BE WALKING TO MY CAR AND THEY GO
LOOK, IS THAT YOUR POR SHALL, AND I GO NO, THAT'S REGGIES.
MINE'S JUST THAT ONE ON THE END.
AND THEY LOOK AT ME LIKE WELL, YOU'RE IN-- NO, NO, THAT IS THE
TRUTH OF IT IS, THAT IS THE TRUTH OF IT.
YEAH.
IT I CAN'T IMAGINE IF IT ENDS UP ANYWHERE SUNNY-- FUNNY, SUSAN,
WE'LL FIND OUT.
BUT UNLIKELY GIVEN HOW WELL THE WHOLE BERNIE THING HAS GONEMENT
BUT REGGIE HAS BOUGHT MY DREAM CAR, YEAH, HE'S GOT IT WOW,
INDEED, SUSAN.
THAT IS WHAT I AM THINKING, WOW.
HOW DID THAT HAPPEN.
I GO OUT EVERY NIGHT, I LOOK AT MY KIDS AND I THINK, IF YOU
WEREN'T HERE.
>> THAT'S THE TRUTH.
>> THAT IS THE TRUTH.
>> James: I DESPITE-- DES PIES THEM FOR IT.
>> I'M DOING IT FOR YOU.
>> James: I LOOK AT THE SCHOOL FEES I'M PAYING OUT FOR THEM TO
SIT IN THEIR OWN ROOM ON ZOOM.
PAYING OUT SCHOOL FEES FOR BASICALLY WHAT IS AN ONLINE
TUTORIAL.
AND I DRIVE PAST REGGIE AND I THINK I COULD HAVE THAT CAR IF
IT WASN'T FOR YOU.
MOVING ON TO THE HEADLINES, IT WAS THE FIRST FULL DAY, TERENCE,
WHAT ARE YOU TAKING A PHOTO OF.
HAVE WE NOT-- (LAUGHTER).
>> James: DO WE NOT HAVE THIS PHOTO ALREADY IN THE ARCHIVES?
IS THIS, IS THIS SOME NEWS, DO WE NOT HAVE SHALL IT-- YOUR
LAPTOP MUST JUST BE FULL OF PHOTOS OF ME AT THIS DESK DOING
THIS, LIKE I THINK WE'VE GOT THIS ONE COVERED.
IS THERE ANYTHING NEW, I LOVE THAT ARE YOU HERE T BONE BUT I
FEEL WE'VE COVERED THE JAMES AT THE DESK SHOT.
WELL, MOVING ON, LET'S LOOK AT THE HEADLINES.
IT WAS THE FIRST FULL DAY OF THE BIDEN ADMINISTRATION AND THE
PRESIDENT GOT RIGHT TO WORK THIS MORNING SIGNING TEN EXECUTIVE
ORDERS TODAY, RELATED TO THE COVID-19 PANDEMIC.
SURE.
FINE.
YEAH, YOU WANT TO CLAP, SUSAN, GREAT.
IS HE FRIENDS WITH THE DICTATOR OF NORTH KOREA, NO?
DIDN'T THINK SO.
I MEAN EVENTUALLY, EVENTUALLY STORIES LIKE THIS, ABOUT A
PRESIDENT BEING COMPETENT WILL BE SO COMMON WE WON'T EVEN HAVE
TO START THE SHOW LIKE THIS.
WE WON'T EVEN TALK ABOUT HIM.
WE CAN JUST DO JOKES ABOUT, YOU KNOW, A MAPLE SYRUP TRUCK THAT
HAS FALLEN OVER.
>> Reggie: OR NARROW HOUSING.
>> James: SOME GUY BUILT A THREE STORY BONG, WE WILL OPEN
WITH THAT.
ALL WILL BE RIGHT AGAIN.
BUT UNTIL THEN, AMAZON HAS EXTENDED AN OFFER TO PRESIDENT
BIDEN TO HELP WITH THE NATIONAL DISTRIBUTION OF CORONAVIRUS
VACCINES.
>> Reggie: YES.
>> James: THAT WILL SPEED THINGS UP.
ALTHOUGH, WELL, FOR SOME REASON EACH TINY VIEL IS STILL GOING TO
COME IN A GIGANTIC CARDBOARD BOX.
THAT HAS JUST BEEN KICKED OVER THE FENCE INTO YOUR GARDEN.
I DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT IN.
I'M NOT SURE I LIKE IT.
I THIS THINK THIS WILL PUT A LOT OF HISTORIC MOM AND POP
VACCINATION CENTERS OUT OF BUSINESS.
IF AMAZON REALLY WANTS TO STEP THINGS UP THEY SHOULD LEAN INTO
THE AMAZON PRIME TV TALENT.
JUST HAVE ALL THE VACCINES ADMINISTERED BY THE HOT PRIEST
FROM FLEABAG.
THAT'S A SHAME.
WE MOVED ON FROM FLEABAG THAT EARLY.
BERNIE?
BERNIE LOOKS A BIT BOARD, A BIT CARD-BOARD.
(APPLAUSE) CANCEL AMANDA GORMAN, WE'LL JUST
PLAY THAT JOKE FOR TEN MINUTES.
AND THIS IS EXCITING, THIS MORNING THE UNITED STATES
OFFICIALLY REJOINED THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION,
REVERSE-- YES, REVERSING A DECISION THAT WAS MADE BY TRUMP
LAST YEAR, DR. FAUCI ATTENDED A WHO MEETING TODAY AND BEGAN BY
SAYING, SO, THAT WAS AWKWARD.
IT IS GREAT NEWS BUT I HAVE TO SAY THE BAR IS PRETTY LOW, FOR
GOOD PRESIDENTING RIGHT NOW, ISN'T IT.
BIDEN GOES LET'S REJIN THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION DURING A
GLOBAL PANDEMIC AND WE'RE ALL LIKE OH MY GOD!
THAT IS AN AMAZING IDEA, WHERE DOES HE GET THESE IDEAS FROM, I
LOVE THIS GUY, WHAT?
ISN'T THAT RIGHT, BERN.
EXACTLY.
AND BIDEN IS MAKING SOME OTHER CHANGES AS WELL.
HE APPARENTLY HAS REMOVED DONALD TRUMP'S DIET COKE BUTTON FROM
THE OVAL OFFICE.
DO YOU REMEMBER THAT, HE WOULD PRESS A BUTTON AND A BUTLER
WOULD BRING IN A DIET COKE ON A SILVER PLATTER.
I'M GOING TO SAY IT, BIDEN HAS UNDONE THE ONE GOOD IDEA TRUMP
EVER HAD.
BIDEN TOOK OUT TRUMP'S DIET COKE BUTT BUTTON, UNFORTUNATELY HE
REPLACED IT WITH A MET AMUSE-- METAMUCIL BUTTON.
I THINK I WOULD LIKE A DRINK BUTTON.
I THINK I WOULD LIKE THAT.
HAVE I BRN DOING THE SHOW SIX YEARS, I DON'T HAVE A DRINK
BUTTON.
ROB, GET THE NETWORK ON THE LINE, I WANT A PELLEGRINO
BUTTON.
>> Reggie: NICE.
>> PELLEGRINO BUTTON, I WANT IT TOMORROW OR I WILL WALK.
WHAT ARE THEY GOING DO AFTER THE AFC CHAMPIONSHIP THEN, HUH?
YEAH, LET'S FLEX THOSE MUSCLES, RIGHT?
PELLEGRINO BUTTON OR I WALK.
>> ON IT, ON IT.
>> James: GONE.
(LAUGHTER).
>> James: DO I THINK-- DO YOU THINK THEY WOULD DO THAT.
>> I THINK IT WOULD BE US DOING IT.
I DON'T KNOW WHO ELSE WILL GET INVOLVED WITH THIS PELLEGRINO
BUTTON BUT WE CAN PROBABLY MAKE IT HAPPEN.
>> James: AN HERE WE G THE BIG STORY, BIG NEWS, ROB GET READY,
BERNIE, YOU READY?
OF COURSE HE IS, CHEEKY BAS TARD, GET THIS, DONALD TRUMP'S
FINAL LATCH OF PRESIDENT YESTERDAY WAS TO EXTEND SECRET
SERVICE PROTECTION FOR HIS ADULT CHILDREN POTENTIALLY COSTING
TAXPAYERS MILLIONS OF DOLLARS, TRUMP'S CHILDREN WERE LIKE THANK
GOD BECAUSE THIS WOMAN HAS BEEN TALKING US, SHE'S EVERYWHERE AND
ST A LITTLE SCARY AND THE WOMAN WAS LIKE MY NAME IS TIFFANY.
CAN YOU IMAGINE BEING ONE OF SECRET SERVICE OFFICERS, LIKE IS
THERE A FATE WORSE THAN BEING FORCED TO TAKE A BULLET FOR ERIC
TRUMP?
YOU TRAIN YOUR WHOLE LIFE.
YOU GET IN THE SECRET SERVICE.
YOUR PARENTS ARE PROUD.
NO ONE CAN BELIEVE IT.
AND ONE SAYS SO TELL ME, WHAT DO YOU DO.
AND THEY'RE LIKE I PROTECT ERIC TRUMP.
AND THEN SOMETIMES HAVE I TO LOOK THE OTHER WAY WHEN DN ALD,
JR. AND KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE GO TO THE BATHROOM TOGETHER.
AND FINALLY A RESTAURANT IN THE UNITED KINGDOM IS HOPING TO OPEN
SOON WITH A COVID SAFE DINING EXPERIENCE.
BECAUSE THEY PLAN TO USE ROBOT WAITERS TO TAKE ORDERS AND BRING
OUT THE FOOD.
HERE ARE THE WAITERS HERE.
YEAH.
THE FACE MAKES IT SO MUCH MORE WELCOMING.
THE OWNER OF THE RESTAURANT THINKS THAT THESE ROBOTS ARE THE
FUTURE BUT THE ROBOTS SAY THEY ARE ONLY DOING THIS UNTIL THEIR
ACTING CAREERS TAKE OFF.
CAN WE SEE THE WAITERS AGAIN?
ANY GUESS WHAT KIND OF FOOD THEY SERVE, GUILLERMO.
>> I WILL TELL YOU, MEGA BITES.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK