Hey there everybody.
This is Clay with http://modernlove.life and I'm coming at you live from home,
actually.
Today we're going to be talking about insecurity in relationships.
And before we go ahead and get started with all of this,
I just want you to know that we do have a book over at
http://modernlove.life/book.
So if insecurity is something that you deal with in your love life and your
dating life.
Then that might be something that you want to come and check out.
Anyway,
also,
before I go ahead and begin,
if you could,
if you like the stuff that we put out here on this channel,
please go ahead and subscribe to the channel and give us a thumbs up and of
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Okay,
so this is actually in response to a comment that I got after yesterday's live
stream.
And that was somebody was...
They had come out of an abusive relationship of some sort,
an unhealthy relationship and they were in a new relationship and it was still
kind of young.
And they were actually really enjoying the dynamic that they had,
but they kept feeling insecure that this new relationship was going to either
fall apart or that they were going to lose this person or that it was like too
good to be true and that it was going to somehow end up leading into that
unhealthy dynamic that they had with the other person in the past.
And so,
there's this insecurity thing going on in that respect.
And so when this happens,
it's important to,
number one,
look and see if there's actually anything tangible to actually be insecure
about.
So,
if somebody says,
Hey,
I'm thinking of cheating on you or something,
then,
you know,
sure,
that's actual evidence that you might want to be insecure about or at least
address or deal with in some way.
In that respect there's something actual to work with there.
But,
if there's no actual evidence and it's just things that are going on inside your
own mind,
then that is something that we actually call in our training and in our
teachings,
the BS Machine and the BS Machine is your mind's ability to take these unknowns,
these blanks in our experience.
Like,
hey,
why is it taking this person so long to text me back?
Or,
what does it mean when they said this one cryptic thing to me?
Or something like that.
And it's taking these unknown variables and rushing to fill them in because our
mind wants to make meaning out of our experiences in our life and it's rushing
to fill them in with our own insecurities,
our own anxieties and our own fears.
And as this happens,
we start to create our own worst case scenario thinking in our own mind.
And so again,
I don't know the specific details of this person's situation.
So I don't know if there's actually anything tangible to really be concerned
about or if it's just things created in their own mind.
But if it was things that were created in their own mind,
then this is their mind projecting those insecurities,
fears and anxieties on to what's happening in their life and in this new
relationship.
And if that's the case,
then you really have to start by getting really clear about what the differences
between things that are actually happening,
things that you actually have evidence to support,
like somebody saying,
Hey,
I'm thinking of cheating on you.
Hey,
I'm attracted to my coworker.
Hey,
I have thought about breaking up with you.
Or something like that versus things that are just manufactured in your own mind
where you're just worried about how it might start to get out of control.
And you might start to...
things could easily snowball into a negative kind of way.
And,
and if it's just all in your mind,
you have to say,
okay,
well if there's no actual evidence to support it,
then why am I believing it?
Why am I believing that as opposed to something else?
And typically it is really just a projection of our insecurities,
our fears and our anxieties.
And so what you want to do is you want to really start to learn to differentiate
between these two things.
And as you start to do that,
your anxiety will either say,
okay,
there's nothing really to support these fears or insecurities or anxieties that
I'm having,
and so I can let go of them.
Or you might say,
oh,
well there's actual real evidence.
This person has cheated before.
This person has threatened to cheat.
This person has whatever it might be.
And if that's the case,
then you have to start to take a real look at the relationship.
Is it meeting your needs?
Is this really the relationship that you want to be in?
Is it best for you?
And if it's not,
then you should probably talk to your partner about it and if they're willing to
make any necessary changes,
then great,
awesome.
But if they're not,
then you may not be able to get your needs met in that particular situation and
it might be worth entertaining the possibility of letting go of that
relationship.
Again,
this is a choice that you have to make on your own based off of what your needs
are and what you are looking for in a relationship.
But,
this is really how I would suggest that you deal with this kind of insecurity in
a relationship.
So really,
it's really about looking at your own mindset,
looking at what is actually happening in your relationship or in the world and
taking a step back and saying,
okay,
is there any evidence to support this?
Is there any actual real concrete stuff underneath it,
supporting it?
Or is it just my own fears and insecurities filling in the blanks?
And if it's just your own fears and insecurities filling in the blanks,
it might be time to maybe take a step back and turn off your BS Machine in your
head so that you don't end up sabotaging your relationship by jumping to
conclusions,
by accusing somebody of doing something that they are absolutely not doing or,
in other ways,
undermining yourself and your own relationship.
So anyway,
I hope this has helped you out.
If you like all this stuff that I've been talking about lately,
you would probably love our book over at http://modernlove.life/book.
It's called Be Loved for Who You Are.
You can pick it up for $7 US.
And if that sounds good,
then go ahead and pick it up.
Anyway,
thanks so much for being on this livestream.
This is the second time I've tried to do this one.
It didn't work out this morning.
I tried to do it at a coffee shop,
but the Internet connection wasn't very good.
And so,
it was kind of choppy and then there was this weird HVAC unit that turned on and
it was making all this noise.
And I know we just had a truck backing up in the background there,
but I think it's a whole lot better than this morning.
Anyway,
let's see.
Got a couple of messages here.
Someone says,
thanks for the Info.
Someone says "Smiley face." Um,
yeah.
Cool.
All right guys.
Well,
this has been Clay.
I'll talk to you again tomorrow with another relationship topic.