(alarm blaring) Dust-
"I-I-I-I- h-h-hate d-d-d-dust!"
(GTA "Wasted" sound)
DUST.
It's everywhere.
Its not something you can consciously avoid.
Dust is... relatable, because it's a challenge we all have to face,
and try to conquer, at one point or another.
Dust is... inevitable.
It's also a fucking annoying meme I created by accident.
"I hate dust!"
(Intro music)
"I hate dust! I hate dust! I hate dust!"
"Wow, uh oh!"
"I'm the audience reacting to this video. This is incredible IHE! WOW, I guess you really have run out of ideas, huh?"
"Pathetic! WOW!"
"You used to be quite good a long time ago, but now you've really changed. WOOWW!!!"
"I hate dust! I don't want it building up in my home!"
(Antonio Vivaldi's "Four Seasons" plays)
"Hi, Daddy."
"You let dust build up, and before you know it, you got an army of dust bunnies plotting to take over!"
"Beautiful flowers..."
Okay, yes, I'm fully aware about the "I Hate Dust" Meme I created with the Search For the Worst episode about the Amazing Bulk,
But that is not the reason this video exists!
"WOOOW, look at him try to explain and justify his way out of this one."
"WOOOOOW."
Shut up, we're done with that part-
I have a big, chunky momma of a Google Doc filled with IHE topics
that's been updated and maintained since the very beginning of the channel.
And written on the thunder thighs of this...
...Thick chunky momma, are the words:
"I hate dust".
No, this was not added after "The Bulk",
in a cheap, lazy way of succumbing to the...
Fucking memes.
This is actually been a video I've had stashed away in the woodworks for a very long time.
Because, believe it or not...
I'm actually VERY ALLERGIC to dust.
No joke, this is not adding to the fucking meme,
I literally am allergic to dust.
And as a result...
I fucking hate it.
Not that dust is inherently likeable without having an allergy towards it,
it's just sort of a thing...you accept.
I don't think anyone particularly ENJOYS dust building up in their home,
but my goal, with this video...
Is to reveal the truth,
about dust.
To...
Expose, as it were.
The true, diabolical nature of the clingy, DISGUSTING particles of dirt.
So hopefully, as a community, we can band together and finally agree and proclaim...
To HATE.
DUST.
(Clattering)
For months, I've been storing, and researching data on dust,
gradually building a profile.
Through all the victims it has affected.
The results are disturbing...
And I have to ask those with a weak disposition,
to leave the video now.
You have been warned.
"I fucking hate..."
(Sigh)
"I-I ju-I...I hate dust."
"You go over and do your little dusting,
and then it comes back 2 weeks later to make you even more butthurt."
"Hate dust."
"I hate dust..."
"Fuckin' hate dust."
"Huh, I fucking hate dust..."
"I hate dust."
"Dust killed my family..."
"Let it build up, and before you know it,
"you got an army of dust bunnies plotting to take over."
(Multiple people saying "Dust")
"Aaah," [unintelligible]
"Dust" "Dust"
"Dust called me fat, no. YOUS FAT, dust."
"DUST!"
"Dust, JESUS CHRIST-"
"Even the most basic of living creatures hate dust."
"Dust..."
"I hate a dust."
(Several people saying/shouting "Dust")
"It dries up your penis..."
"Okay? And then your penis explodes."
"DUS-"
Honestly though, fuck dust!
FUCK YOU, DUST!
This video will cause the least controversy out of all the videos I've ever made, simply because...
No one likes dust.
No one. Not a single person.
It's not something you're ALLOWED to like.
In fact, if any of you cheeky fuckers have the nerve in the comments section to say that you indeed,
LOVE DUST, "OOH, I LOVE DUST!"
First off:
You're a dirty slut liar, shut your pie hole-
And secondly, have you ever actually tasted dust?
It's pretty fucking gross.
Got a very nice nugget of dust here.
(Lip smack, followed immediately by spastic convulsions)
Dust is a fucking nuisance, and we all know it.
What is the definition of Insanity?
Doing the same thing
(Mystical sounding) over and over and over, and over and over
(Normal) again, expecting a different result.
No matter how many times you wipe it away,
or brush it off...
It always...
ALWAYS...
...returns.
This is Jesus Christ level shit right here,
I mean, dust is unforgivable.
Merciless.
But EVEN THEN,
nobody seems to care.
We have our silly dusters, and cloths,
... and some of us even lick it up to give it a taste.
(Gasping and sputtering)
But it ALWAYS...
comes back.
God forbid you have any Lego, because that's what dust enjoys attacking the most.
Yes, I'm a fully grown man. What of it?
Star Wars.
It's a relentless force hell-bent on ruining your cool toys.
That are definitely not intended for children.
Look, it says 16+ on the box.
And don't you even get me started on bathroom dust...
I mean, what the heck?
That stuff is beyond flipping disgusting!
Wait, why am I filtering myself?
And don't even get me started on bathroom dust,
I mean, what the FUCK?
That SHIT looks like the gross slime my cat pukes up after a long day of hunting sewer rats.
And as if that wasn't enough to justify the hatred,
for such an evil thing existing on this earth,
what about what dust does to your personal computers?
I mean, LOOK AT THIS!
(Retches)
Sickening...
NOTHING makes my blood boil more.
My poor, innocent, personal computer, just sat there.
Rendering away, having a gay old time!
Only to be...
Infiltrated, and...
... Yeah, I'm gonna go there, ASSAULTED,
assaulted by dust! Attacked and VIOLATED by this cruel and ruthless force!
Kite Man: "Do you wanna chill out, mate?"
"Do you-do you even understand what dust IS?"
Of COURSE I do!
It's what ghosts leave behind once they've haunted you, right?
"Umm..."
"No."
"It's small particles of:"
"plant pollen,"
"human and animal hairs,"
"textile fibers,"
"paper fibers,"
"minerals from soil,"
"human skin cells,"
"burnt meteorite particles,"
"aaand loads of other weird stuff too."
Oh...
Wait, UGH. That's e- that's even worse! That's even more "yuck"!
I'm honestly not sure if I should be pleased or disgusted about devouring that dust earlier.
On one hand, it was composed of...
human skin, and...
other gross stuff like that.
But on the other hand it might've had some meteorite particles in there which,
would be kinda cool?
Then I could say I've eaten some meteorite.
At the end of the day, to be honest,
in conclusion,
in essence,
lastly,
in the end,
in the long run,
when all is said and done,
dust is a truly evil force that we have to try our very hardest to conquer.
It may seem futile, I know,
or a waste of time,
but we must not let it crush our spirits.
We must take these feelings of hatred and disgust
and try our very best!
To harness and apply these malicious, destructive emotions
and use them to fight back against the dust.
Say it loud, say it proud.
I.
HATE.
DUST!
Wait, no no-- no no no no no, I-- I think this is one occasion
where I think, we can say something a little different.
I think it's fair to say that...
We...
WE, the YouTube community,
WE, hate dust.
We hate dust!
And together, if we move past all of the horror that dust has caused,
then maybe, just maybe,
we'll all be able to live with it.
I-- it's also pretty cool that some dust has meteorite in it.
What a crazy world we live in, huh?
Speaking of dust victims, I received an email the other day.
It was a heartfelt,
essay about how dust has affected their life,
and I'd like to read you an excerpt from it if you would not mind.
"Hi, Alex."
"I don't know how often you check your email,
especially because nowadays it seems like using email is pretty pointless
when there are so many other options now."
"But I don't have much use for other things,
and I only have one thing to say to you."
"I know it seems pointless to bring it up now,
but I found it recently, and it still bothers me."
"I thought maybe if I say this one thing, we could reach an understanding,
so long as you don't put me down because of it."
"Just hear me out, and I probably won't have any other reason to bring it up."
"I don't even like bringing it up, because of just how idiotic it really is."
"I don't think I like the way you handled My Little Pony." (Laughter)
(Outro music plays)
Those are my thoughts on dust.
Fuck you!
Yes, I actually made the fucking video.
It's-- it's not quite "I Hate Mars Bars",
but it'll do for now.
I needed to do a silly "I Hate" video because
A) It's been a long, long time since I've made one, and
B) I'm about to start work on the next Search for the Worst
which is going to be such a huge, fucking, gargantuan task,
that I have a feeling that I may actually lose my life in the process.
After the credits section here I may leave a little tease,
of what movie it might be about.
Either which way, it's going to be fucking amazing.
And if you don't enjoy it, I'm going to do something about that.
I know the email that I ended on had absolutely nothing to do with dust,
it was the old bait-and-switch joke,
but that is a genuine email I received the other day.
Like, part of the email. It was like, three different emails, all big chunks like that.
No offence to whoever sent it, but um...
trust that I'm long past giving even a single fuck about My Little Pony,
so you can stop emailing me about it.
At the time of writing this, I also just passed 900,000 subscribers
which is indeed, neat.
Thank you very much, your viewership is acknowledged
and respected by me.
That sounded... horribly sarcastic.
So as always! Thanks for watching, all comments and ratings are very much appreciated.
Make sure you check out some of my other videos and playlists for more content.
I'll see you next time.
Bye.
Everyone seems to think it's just one movie.
But it's actually a series of movies.
Guessing game time.
(In a silly voice) So fluffy!
(Unintelligible) Sit.
What... what do you think of dust?
What do you think of dust, my pup?
Paw?
Good girl.
Fuckin' hate dust!