[music playing]
Welcome back to the most dramatic episode
of any show ever.
Still in play are two immunity idols, four roses,
and a lip sync for your life. And it all starts... now.
Okay, uh, Carly, Sonny, let's try this yet again.
I need some real conflict.
Okay.
You ate the last of the peanut butter
and then put the jar back in the cabinet.
So I thought there was more, but there wasn't.
Oh, do we live together? That's fun.
Sonny, no. We need more drama.
You know what? Why don't you just hit me
one time, real quick?
Oh, I'll hit you with some character work.
Greetings from troll crossing.
Oh, this is nothing. Cut.
That was everything I look for in reality TV.
Peanut butter, larceny, roommates, that voice.
I wanted more troll.
It's not working, but you know what
every reality show has that we're missing?
Writers, wine throwing, Andy Cohen?
Don't you dare shift those fingers.
Don't you shift 'em.
Bigger than both of us. Oh!
Look, Paul, I don't have feelings for Freddie,
but it's complicated.
You know, I don't know much about friendship squiggles
or sex [unintelligible], b- [gasping]
[unintelligible] triangular.
Look, the road trippers finally made the trip to set.
[chuckles] I also have a fulfilling life.
I was surprised you're doing another TV show.
Last time you got replaced by a dinosaur.
Oh, kids love dinosaurs. Rar. Love me.
That was a dinosaur.
So you two sure you want to be on my reality show?
Yes. We had an emergency session with Dr. Susan
during which I told Freddie,
"If you're sure you have no feelings for Carly whatsoever,
we should do the show."
And any scene I'm not in, I'll sit on the side
with my arms crossed, watching closely.
To which I replied, "How can I say no?"
[chuckles] Do I get $200 an hour
for listening to that story? [chuckles]
Fun. [chuckles]
Is it too late to replace me with a dinosaur?
I'm on it.
But until then, I have got a fun and relaxing activity
for you all to enjoy.
Aerial silking.
I do not feel relaxed.
Perfect, use that anxiety to fuel your confrontation
at the dramatic height of two to three feet.
Can I get a helmet?
Can you make that two?
Freddie, I'm flying.
She's very flexible. Triple jointed elbows.
Oh, yeah? Watch this.
Carly, don't worry about the actual silking.
Worry about being alone forever
because Freddie refuses to speak to you. Wow.
Is that what she told you?
Why did no one fetch me from my trailer
that should have been provided? I am the host.
There's no host.
Our first twist is... a twist.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Dude, no!
Oh, God! I may not survive this!
Ah! I need a Dramamine!
I was Peter Pan on Broadway.
Freddie. Freddie, Freddie, Freddie.
Do you know what Carly's been saying about you?
I do. Because I've got the receipts.
Those are from CVS.
I know, but I used 'em to write down everything
you told me the other day. Here we go. Here we go.
Um, [clearing throat]
Pearl could tell you and Carly were in love.
You went after Pearl while Carly waited up
all night for you, crying her eyes out.
[yelling]
That's going on the sizzle reel.
Let's do it again. But this time, tackle Pearl.
I am done with this.
But...
But I am keeping the ponytail.
Okay, fine... I'll play Carly.