(rock music)
- [Jordan] When you've been to as many rallies as I have,
you get used to hearing things you don't
encounter in everyday life.
Like "Go to hell," and, "Klepper's a bitch."
But lately, the crowds have been coalescing
around one particular idea that nobody wants to hear.
- Civil war. - Civil war.
- Civil war. - The civil War.
Our country's bitter attempt at divorce
that ended with mom and dad back together in a state
of constant resentment.
43% of Americans think it's very likely there's a civil war
in the next decade.
- Okay, I'm gonna be perfectly straight up and honest.
It's gonna happen much sooner than that.
- How soon?
Because I have an Airbnb rented in the outer banks.
But it turns out a lot of Americans think this way.
And not just your uncle who has been hoarding weapons
and Vienna sausages in his basement bunker.
Even sitting members of Congress like January 6th,
committee member Adam Kinzinger.
How close are we to another civil war?
- I think we're closer than we'd like to think.
And I, I used to be afraid to talk about it.
Now I think it's important for us to talk about it.
- To talk about a civil war? - Yeah.
- 'Cause I think we have to be aware of where we're at.
I don't think it's gonna be north
and south with large marching armies.
You know, if I live in Illinois,
there's gonna be Republicans and Democrats in Illinois.
I do think it could get violent easily.
- I mean, that's scary. - It is scary.
- If a sitting representative like Kinzinger
thinks a second civil war is possible,
it's something we need to take seriously.
So I decided to gather Americans in one
of our most sacred traditions of civic unity,
the corporate focus group.
Bringing together conservatives and liberals
in Purple Arizona
who all think civil war is a real possibility.
The Civil War is tomorrow.
What is the skill set you bring to the battlefield?
- Well, I'm good with a gun.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- Okay. James?
- I have survival skills.
I was in the military.
I know how to shoot a weapon,
hand-to-hand combat if I have to.
I could stick you with a knife
and not, you know, cry about it.
(man laughs)
- We're laughing about sticking people with a knife,
but, okay.
Lancing what skills?
- Leadership. - Leadership?
- Yeah. I just feel there's gonna need to be some leaders.
- Bo what skills do you have?
- Critical thinking?
- Jesus, for all of the liberals here, we have a leader
and a critical thinker.
This is why the blue side is (bleep).
But if America was going to be divided in a civil war,
where would the modern day Mason Dixon line fall?
It was time for a state by state fantasy draft.
Well, nightmare draft.
We've terraformed the states that have been red and blue
to kind of create one land mass.
Who sees themself as conservative, part of the red map here?
Are these the states you would want?
- Oh, I much prefer the red states.
- What breaks your heart? What are you gonna miss?
- Well, Arizona, isn't that supposed
to be a red state though?
- Yeah, let's say we give you Arizona.
Where do you wanna travel to?
- Well, I love California,
but it's turned into such a shit hole.
- Let's be fair, as a red state guy,
the blue state has the best food.
- Oh yeah.
- Right? Bo, what would you miss?
- Not a ton.
- As a liberal,
you're feeling pretty good about the states you get?
- Honestly, I feel all right. We got Hawaii.
- You do have Hawaii.
James, what are you missing?
You're gonna be in this red conglomerate, right?
- The family's from back east in Ohio.
So, yeah, I mean, that would be--
- You'd miss Ohio?
- I wouldn't trade Cleveland for anything.
- I'd trade Texas for California, so I can go to San Diego.
- Okay. Any other trades? Texas for California.
Blue side, would you allow that trade?
- I'll take Austin for Cleveland,
but I don't need all the Texas.
- We'll do an Austin for Cleveland.
- I don't want Cleveland. He's in Cleveland.
I want San Diego.
- What will you give up for San Diego?
- I would give up Florida. - No thanks.
- There's no takers on Florida?
- No.
- Okay.
So I guess the ocean can have Florida, which is helpful
because it will probably take it anyway.
And now that we have our newly divided states of America,
we get to draft some new constitutions.
If there is a new America, you're going to need new laws.
Are there any laws you would wanna change?
- Get rid of the petty ones.
I mean, there's lots of petty laws out there.
I mean, if you pee in public,
I mean really gonna be in the sex crime registry now
because you peed in public?
It's stupid. It's a crack in the system.
- That's the first law that comes to head?
- It's, you know, it's the petty laws.
You get put in the federal sex crimes registry.
if you take a leak outside, it's just pretty dumb.
That's just an example.
- We just talked about a civil war tearing this country
in two, you finally get your way.
- Well, you know, I mean--
- And the first law that jumps to mind is peeing in public.
Does your side not have toilets?
With the vision of the new Confederacy already collapsing
under the burden of sewage infrastructure,
I thought it was time to cut to the chase
and ask the biggest question of all, which side wins?
- We all lose.
- We all lose, yeah, there's no winning there.
- What if one side loses and then refuses to concede?
Well, I don't know if I feel any better about the future
of America, but for now at least we still have elections.