long to get all that toothpaste used to make you smile it used to be it shot the
piece people keep on living
now i cant good time to learn from somewhere up the yangtze no one knows
the source there so i find some husband but in cooperation to make a buck a
layout give a flying we can talk and with this system we are stuck today it
makes you and now when you burn the American Pie you grandma didn't bake it
was made in Shanghai two-nil the apples to pitcher Sid not
try when the trust was made from cardboard and love
don't feed it to your dog t by I am a private detective my father named
me Hugh my mother named me jail last name Bissell so people call me huge
imbecile times were tough the recession hit me hard I was working less than
Paula Deen during Black History Month
one night I came home I was tired I hit the couch like a letterman in turn
looking for a raise that jokes too far but the Paula Deen joke is fine that
that's what we're doing okay as tired as I was I just couldn't sleep so I turn on
the TV I didn't feel like watching the news so I watched Fox
tell me how you really feel and just as I was slipping off into dreamland the
phone rang someone had a job for me I was being asked to track down
whistleblower Edward Snowden Snowden had been on the lam I could relate I was on
the lam once until the farmer got the restraining order the client wanted to
know how long it would take me to track Snowden down I thought only a fool would
answer that question so I told him three weeks i had no idea where to start one
of my sources said he was probably in Moscow so I booked my flight from JFK
LaGuardia see it was a Southwest flight so I connected through boise Honolulu
Phoenix and Newark but then I got a direct flight to LaGuardia to Moscow I
thought I could get the whole thing straightened out and bring Snowden back
to justice if I could just talk to Vladimir Putin but that was gonna be
tough Putin and I had history he didn't like me very much may have heard he was
getting a divorce well I'm the reason I slept with his wife see she wanted a man
that wasn't always Russian
are you with me girls but just as I thought Putin refused to see me didn't
matter Snowden had apparently been given asylum I didn't think he'd stay there
very long because well Russia's cold in the winters Russia's colder than Ann
Coulter stamp and passports at the Mexican border that's the best that
jokes ever gone I knew snowed would probably want to try to get somewhere
warmer somewhere else I thought perhaps Cuba but I couldn't track him there
because i have an extreme fear both bays and pigs plus what's the point in
talking to fidel castro the man is so old the Yankees just signed him to a
five-year contract I also heard he might try to make his way to Latin America but
I couldn't follow him there because i don't speak Latin I thought Snowden
needed to get home and face punishment but I couldn't complete my mission but
that's when it hit me Snowden this is a man who was a high school dropout who
gave up a six-figure salary while living in Hawaii with a pole dancer girlfriend
to spend six weeks living in the Moscow Airport he'd been punished enough
you