Like many people
who've risen to great fame in the business.
You were an NBC page.
That's right.
You weren't, right?
I was not an NBC page. No.
Okay. For Regis Philbman-
Philbin?
(everyone laughs)
What's his name?
That's his name now.
Philbman.
Sorry, Philbin.
Regis-
A name that we live in history.
Regis Philbmanin.
Phliman.
Regis Philbin was an NBC page,
I believe.
But you, you were an NBC page.
I think when I was doing late night,
you were an NBC page.
Yeah. You were.
You were.
And you know what,
because you, because-
Okay.
The way I got my SAG card,
I don't know if you know the story,
but the way I got my SAG card is because I was,
I think I either was a page
or I had just like left the program,
but I kept my uniform,
which you're not supposed to do,
and I convinced
the guy that shot the pilot for "30 Rock."
He directed a lot of the "30 Rock" episodes.
Yeah.
They needed a page to do a tour of your studio
'cause they were shooting
on the floor of your studio or something.
And I knew the speech about your studio,
I was like,
"And welcome to the thing at Conan O'Brien."
And I would make up stuff
but I don't remember what I said.
But because I knew the spiel,
I was like, "Just let me do it."
I was like, "I can do it."
And then he threw me in on camera and I did it.
And because I had a line,
you know, the SAG union rules.
They had to give you a card.
Wow.
Okay.
This fascinates me
because there were pages
that worked at "30 Rock",
obviously, in real life.
And they would do tours of my studio.
And I remembered
accidentally listening once
to one of the tours
and everything they were saying was not true.
Yeah.
And this one page that I was listening to,
this was not you,
was saying that the stars painted on the wall
are there because Conan has long been
a huge fan of astronomy.
And I was like brushing my teeth in the hall
and I heard this and I went,
"What are they talking about?"
No, it's 'Late Night: Stars',
stars late at night.
That's all it is."
And people in the crew are going, "Hmm."
And this person wasn't doing a bit or anything.
That's just was a piece of misinformation
like a game of telephone
that had been passed on
over nine different page generations.
Sona talks about this in her book
that when she was a page and gave tours
she was just lying about stuff.
Okay. Okay. Okay.
But there was a game that the pages,
and this is like whatever,
I don't know if they still do this,
but there was a game that all the pages would play
where you would go,
"Okay, I'm gonna give you three words
for your next tour."
And you have to incorporate these words
into your speech at some point
and it has to be believable.
And the words were always insane.
I mean, maybe it was like,
it was like "penguin" or whatever.
And then you'd be like,
"And this studio is cold because 10 years ago
they had penguins on the show
and they had to raise the temperature
and then they never changed it."
And that's real.
You did tell tour groups that-
I did say something about penguins.
Yeah.
Because our studio was cold
and the reason it was kept cold
was because of all the lights in the ceiling.
Right.
So that once you get an audience
and you turn the lights on,
temperature goes up like 15 degrees
so you have to keep it artificially cold
so that it's comfortable once the show is going.
Yeah, but also,
so people don't fall asleep.
Not that they would.
Oh my God.
They lied to me about the light temperature.
That's also why they electrified the seats.
I was just gonna say the same thing.
"Number 3C is falling asleep!"
Zap!
No, no.
I mean, right.
No one could,
if I were performing
no one could fall asleep.
You gotta keep 'em awake.
Well,
that was what I always heard about Letterman
is that he liked the studio cold
because it kept the audience on their toes.
I didn't want it to be warm
but I didn't necessarily want it to be cold.
(indistinct)
I know, good guy.
It's very cold in here right now.
It is freezing in here
but that's for a whole different reason.
Oh.
We store government surplus meats in the back.
That's how we pay for all this.
Yeah.
That's how we pay for everything.
That's a side business of ours.
This is like one of the most terrifying rooms
I've ever been in.
What are you talking about?
It's just weird, dude.
Oh, just 'cause there are pictures of me
all over the place with no shirt on?
Why are there so many cameras?
This is an audio thing.
You were in the forest with child skulls.
I know.
I love anyone who was like,
"Come to the forest.
I have a skull of a child."
"Wow. This podcast studio is creepy.
What a creepy place."
It's weird.
I don't know.
It is not weird.
It's a beautiful, deep blue.
Lot of gadgets and stuff.
Whatever.
So-
(scoffs) Whatever.
(Conan laughs)
Whatever you gotta do, man,
whatever you want.
I gotta do this.
So you lied on the tour
and told people things about me
that weren't true.
Did we have any interactions?
I don't know if we did.
No, no, I would-
No.
I was way too drunk
to have the confidence
to talk to anybody.
I noticed when I first was working
at my job at "Late Night",
pages would scurry past me
and seemed kind of nervous.
And I remember talking to one once
and they said,
"I was told not to make eye contact with you."
Oh yeah.
And I found out that that was a holdover
from like the past
but I'm very-
I need eye contact a little too much.
I love chatting people up.
I'm constantly chatting up.
You're doing it right now.
It's making me uncomfortable.
I love eye contact.
There were a lot of things like that.
I think that that's what,
at least at the time that I was in it,
that's what made the page program
kind of exciting.
'Cause there were so many holdover,
like weird,
yeah, just like weird things
that you would have to do or know.
Even if it was weird like that,
you felt like part of something.
Yeah.
But also I've noticed that,
I don't know if you've noticed this,
but once you became a known person,
sometimes there are people that say things
on your behalf that you don't even agree with.
Yeah.
And you find out later,
"Well, we were told before you came
that there was to be no mention of donuts because-"
And you're like, "What?
what are you talking about?"
And it was someone, not playing a prank,
but someone who was well intentioned
who misunderstood something
telling you, telling people beforehand.
And then you realize
how much of this is going on around me
where people were told,
"Whatever you do-"
Gourley, were you told before you met me?
I was told to engage in conversation
about astronomy with you.
(Conan laughs)
That's why I gave you the job.
'Cause it's a fascination of mine.
That's why I covered the studio with-
Clearly.
And we're in like a fucking spaceship right now.
It's not a spaceship!
Bunch of lasers pointed right at my dick!
What?
I'm sorry.
It's a blue-
That was very charged and erotic.