On this episode of China Uncensored,
are you going to Scarborough Shoal?
Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme?
Hi, welcome to China Uncensored,
I’m your host Chris Chappell.
The United States did something incredibly shocking
and outrageous last Friday.
They sent a ship...
through the ocean.
The South China Sea, to be exact.
Near here, the Paracel Islands.
They’re about 200 miles from the coast of mainland China.
And steering a ship near there is totally and completely legal—
because it’s international waters.
Unless you’re the Chinese regime,
and the Paracel Islands are actually the Xisha Islands,
which have been China’s territory since ancient times.
Haha, oh dear.
So I am wondering the same thing this reporter is:
"Are you concerned at all that China
will view this as a provocative act?"
"They shouldn't, I guess you have to ask them for a response?
They shouldn't because this is a principle that reflects
what we believe as the broad interest
of the international community.
So how did the Chinese regime respond?
By saying it will never allow the US to run amok in the South China Sea.
The US is the “real trouble-maker in the South China Sea.”
That's according to an official editorial in the People's Daily,
the official newspaper of the Communist Party,
and republished in English by my favorite state run media,
the Global Times.
You see,
the People's Daily knows that the US is just
a little depressed right now,
and the destroyer was
“a way to release its depression.”
Are you feeling depressed?
Uninspired by your leadership
and dominance over other countries?
Talk to your doctor about Hegemonib.
Hegemonib is clinically proven
to release your depression.
Side effects may include provocation, hostility, running amok,
and overturning the trend of peaceful development
as defined by the Communist Party of China.
I'm going to have to ask my doctor about that one.
Anyway,
the People's Daily goes on to point out
the America's questionable timing,
just when China and the Philippines were
"restoring their ties."
It's almost like the People's Daily
is implying that America is the jealous ex,
trying to cause trouble during the Philippines'
first date with China.
You know what this means?
The People's Daily watches China Uncensored!
Yes,
Filipino President Rodrigo Duterte visited China last week,
and made it very clear that things are changing.
You can tell he was serious because he wore a tie.
"America has lost.
I've realigned myself in your ideological flow
and maybe I will also go to Russia to talk to Putin
and tell him that there are three of us against the world --
China, Philippines and Russia.
It's the only way."
As much as I would love to watch that sitcom,
somehow, I don't think that's going to happen.
The Philippines had been a major thorn
in the Chinese regime’s side
over the South China Sea territorial dispute.
But that’s changed after the Philippines elected Duterte.
He’s said the Philippines can’t win.
And that attitude might just be giving Duterte
what he wants.
According to Reuters,
quoting sources inside China,
“China would consider giving Philippine fishermen
conditional access to disputed waters.”
And sure,
it sounds like a great deal.
Get permission from China
to fish in waters the UN tribunal just ruled
belonged to the Philippines.
As well as promises of $24 billion in loans and investments.
This could set a precedent for the other countries
involved in territorial disputes with China
over the South China Sea.
Stick to your guns and keep claiming the territory
and end up with nothing,
or give in to China in exchange
for at least some limited rights.
And maybe some money as well.
And how is the US reacting to all of this?
Well, other than sending a destroyer
through the South China Sea?
They're totally cool with China and the Philippines' new bromance.
And maybe the US and the Philippines can still be friends.
Awww.
Guess we need to make some room on the sitcom couch.
Japan, you want to get in here, too?
See?
Territorial disputes aren't that bad after all.
Wait, what's that Shelley?
Phoebe!!
So what do you think of the US running amok in the South China Sea?
Leave your comments below.
Once again I’m Chris Chappell,
see you next time!