some more text messages just came out from AtelierHeidi talking with her therapist
about ProJared and in this video we're going to discuss the very important
subject about why you don't lie to your therapist what is up everybody this is
Chris from the rewired soul where we talk about the problem but focus on the
solution and if you're new to my channel what I try to do is take different
topics going on in the YouTube community try to see what lessons we can learn
from them because there's no point in watching all this stuff go on if we're
not trying to see how we can improve our own mental and emotional well-being so
if you're into that stuff make sure you subscribe and ring that notification
bell and right now usually I promote something of mine that's going on but I
want to take this moment to shine a spotlight on one of my favorite people
on earth miss Cici B all right over on instagram follow her it's at the crimson
kiss I will link her down in the description below she has a phenomenal
author but she's also an amazing woman like we talking dm's and things like
that and she's like helped me with my writing and you know all that Bay
anyways a lot of what she posts on Instagram and what her books are about
are the lessons that she's learned about relationships and aside from her just
talking about setting up boundaries like she is amazing when it comes to like
personal empowerment and realizing that you don't need to date like scum bags
and stuff like that a lot is about that but one of the reasons I love her is
because she talks a lot about personal accountability and realizing like yeah
while we do date a lot of scummy people throughout our lifetime we also need to
take accountability for what we did wrong and we have to find that balance
like if we live our entire lives thinking that everybody else in the
relationship is wronging us we're never going to improve we're never gonna find
a good relationship so anyways go follow CCB again she'll be late
down in the description down in the pin comment below and get some of her books
she is amazing alright but anyways yeah for those of you who aren't
you can check out the video I did yesterday about Heidi releasing some
screenshots of text between her and her therapists but yeah she released more
this morning and here's here's the thing like again my my videos that aren't
about this because say with me alright just say with me real quick all of this
is none of our damn business but it's out there publicly so rather than just
like picking sides of oh oh are you with Jared are you with Heidi let's look at
this and see what we can learn from it alright so before I get started for
those of you who don't know me hi I'm Chris no I'm not a licensed therapist or
licensed psychologist but I worked three years in a mental health treatment
center we specialize in addiction as well as mental illnesses I'm a certified
life coach and I'm currently pursuing by CADC which is certified alcohol and drug
counselors licensing where I'll be working with people with mental health
issues as well but aside from that one of my best qualifications for this topic
is before I met my beautiful girlfriend Tristin I was in a ton of terrible
relationships and I just couldn't understand why no relationship I ever
got in was gonna work out and listen check it out like I feel for Heidi like
breakups suck and I have no doubt in my mind that Jared was not the optimal
husband all right but like the thing is is that when we go through breakups I'm
gonna be talking about this over and over whenever we talk about these
relationships subjects especially breakups is that our confirmation bias
plays a big role we want everybody to be on our side and want everybody to see
how wrong the other person was and how we were hurt and what we deserve it you
know how they need to feel bad for what they did us right we always want to act
like we did absolutely nothing wrong in a relationship aside when it comes to
relationships with significant others all our relationships with friends with
family members and all of that like if I want you to do this if you take a look
at every conflict that you ever have and if you look at all of those and you
think that you're never wrong like it's time to really re-evaluate your life
like what are the odds that you are the perfect human being that has
never done anything wrong and listen I'm talking from personal experience I live
my life in this bubble of Chris where I thought I was just perfect and never
doing anything wrong I still screw up to this day although my life is a lot
better I still screw up but anyways I'll link the images that Heidi posted with
her conversations with her therapist but I'm sitting there and I'm reading this
and I'm like okay are you telling your therapist the whole truth because your
therapist cannot help you if you do not tell them the whole truth like listen if
you're getting therapy I understand it could be difficult to open up to
somebody like especially if you're going to therapy for like trust issues or you
have anxiety is difficult to open up to them and one of the tricks that I use is
because I always relate mental health to physical health I want you to do this
imagine going to the doctor and you have a pain in your leg and the doctor says
okay where does it hurt and you say it hurts in my hand right like the doctor
is never going to help your pain if you lie to them and don't tell them where
the actual source of that pain is it's the same thing with therapy if we don't
go into therapy sessions or for those of you who are in recovery and working
12-step programs so it might be your sponsor like if we don't tell them like
all the things that we're doing wrong how are they ever going to help us they
might not be able to help us get to the root of the painting right and listen
listen up all right therapists aren't stupid
all right most of them aren't stupid if you keep going into therapy sessions and
every time you go into a session it's about how the entire world is wronging
you and you're just like this innocent perfect human being
look at you like come on let's let's get you to open up and dig down a little bit
deeper but here's the thing when it comes to Heidi and just to kind of use
this as an example to give some more context like I'm gonna read you some
screenshots from other text messages as she's saying ProJared I hate bring
but this is exactly what I mean so I'm just gonna read what Heidi was saying to
Jared because at least that would feel less like an insult to my dignity than
staying quiet and pretending nothing's wrong which is what I've been doing for
weeks okay I think I would like to take it to blank before the general public to
be honest it would be highly embarrassing and unprofessional to
everyone like at this point I'm fantasizing about sabotaging the game so
bear that in mind I'm going crazy Jared upside-down smiley
face emoji emojis would be a bummer to destroy everything you've built but it
would be way more of a bummer to destroy myself by putting up with it god I keep
fantasizing about the nasty fallout bring it on I'm ready to go down with
the ship to be honest I cannot live like this
okay I'm falling apart cool F me man I wish I could destroy dice camera action
that would feel so good that would suck for you but it would rip but would it
really be unfair I probably sound really cool right now but this is the result of
weeks of suffering I'd love to see someone who caused this situation
experience a fraction of what I've been feeling Jared I have been very patient
and I'm telling you all this instead of acting on it because I'm still
exercising patience but I need things to start happening like I really need it I
don't know how to make that any clearer I am desperate that makes me dangerous
I'm ready to start ruining all of your lives so again like I am NOT trying to
discount Heidi's emotions or how she felt but
when you look at this like we need to recognize that we play a role in these
things too we are not always the innocent person we try to portray
ourselves as this is why we have to look at ourselves and listen like I said I
speak on this from personal experience okay so when I got sober seven years ago
and finally got a sponsor like like I said I blamed the entire world for all
of my problems I the problem my ex-girlfriends were the
problem my bosses were the problem my co-workers were the problem everybody
was the problem but my favorite quote that my sponsor just pounded into my
head was this we make decisions based on self that later place us in a position
to be hurt all right so what he was trying to get me to realize is there are
many times where I instigate things I get the ball rolling like if I tree
trace the breadcrumbs I might have acted in a way that sat
certain things in motion right I'm not always this innocent little victim and
this is what I pray to God that you learn as well so like when I first got
sober my son's mom and I we were not on good terms we're on amazing terms now
she's one of my best friends we have a great relationship and we co-parent my
son like some boss parents but anyways when I first got sober I was always
calling my sponsor up and I'm like oh my god can you believe she's saying this
she called me theist she called me that why she's so angry now that was like
3060 days sober and I would just go off about her and my sponsor would always
flip it right back on me he said Chris have you given her any reason to be
angry and upset with you and yeah I did I gave her plenty of
reasons aside from being a drug addict and an alcoholic like all of the things
all of the things that come along with it being a bad father being a bad
boyfriend to her while we were still together like I did a lot of things that
upset her and she had a reason to be upset all right I needed my sponsor to
remind me of that every time I came up to him complaining about other people he
would always ask me as I what was your part what did you do right now some
people and you know this current climate call that victim blaming I call that
learning how to take responsibility like my life got so much better when I
started to realize how many of my own problems that I caused so over time I
eventually got to my fourth step and those of you on recovery you know about
that fourth step right but you start out by writing all of your resentment
right towards people places situations institutions every person that you have
a problem with I had a hundred and thirty three on my first four step and
it's full it's all fun and games at first you're just running down everybody
you're pissed off at right but then you start to have to reflect and see what
your part was what did you do in this situation right and as I was going
through all these people who I felt wronged me and I was just this innocent
victim I started seeing like oh man I was hurting people too I was doing this
right and when I started to realize and I think this is where a lot of that
therapeutic value comes when you start to realize that you want this perfect
human being and you're not always the victim in these situations you start to
empathize with other people you're like oh wow well look at all these faults
that I have I want to be forgiven for these right so maybe I should start
forgiving other people for not being perfect human beings either you know
what I mean but again like this is difficult like this is why we have to
have self-awareness and work on ourselves because confirmation bias will
be the death of us when we feel wronged we're constantly looking for things to
justify you know how we feel right and what our beliefs are so when I watch
Heidi going through this publicly on my girl like I feel for her because I used
to be like this right like when something happens to us we run around to
everybody and we try to find all the people who are going to agree with us
and that's not what we need in our lives I always say the best people in your
life are gonna tell you what you need to hear and not what you want to hear all
right this is why I'm so outspoken against enabling none of us are ever
going to learn or grow if people just keep co-signing or BS all the time like
when I was in my active drug addiction and my son's mom stopped letting me see
my own son I was hanging out with so many enablers right there like oh man
Chris yeah I can't believe she won't let you see your son well you're right
right the reality was like I wasn't giving up drugs in order to see my son
those people were helping to keep me sick so that's why like if you have a
therapist that you're saying that doesn't point out anything that you're
doing wrong might be time to see a new therapist but these lessons that I'm
learning it's something that I try to teach my son now because I don't want
him being this you know self-absorbed victim his whole life real quick story
this one that pops into my head all the time I was sitting on the couch with my
beautiful girlfriend Tristan and my son comes out of his room he was playing
xbox with some friends and he started told he's like hey how do I block this
kid he's saying really mean stuff to me right and I'm just like huh okay and I
looked at him I'm like okay Dylan what did you do Ryan he's like what I'm like
did you say anything did you talk back to him did you make fun of him well yeah
I'm like okay I'm like well is it possible that both of you are just
really upset right now and you're both gonna calm down and be friends again
right so I wasn't trying to victim blame my son but I'm not going to blindly just
believe that he did nothing wrong in this situation and don't get me wrong
like there are going to be times in all of our lives my son's life my life your
life where people hurt us completely unprovoked that's going to happen but
the goal is to narrow down the scope and find out where we did contribute to our
own pain and our own suffering all right so again like I feel for Heidi in this
situation I feel for anybody out there who goes through a breakup but if you
are seeking therapy if you want to improve you have to start being honest
with your therapist with yourself with your sponsor with your support group
whoever it is and you have to start admitting and acknowledging your own
faults if you ever hope to improve and grow as a human being so on that note I
do want to remind you make sure that you go follow CCB over on instagram at the
crimson kiss she is amazing I just guarantee if you follow her on Instagram
and read what she has to say you're gonna be like dang
I'm growing as a person and I'm gonna get into some ball relationships now
okay anyways that's all I got for this video if you like this video please give
it a thumbs up if you do make sure you subscribe and bring that notification
bell and a huge huge thank you to everybody supporting the channel over on
patreon you are all amazing and a huge thank you to everybody else who supports
the channel in other ways like buying merch like this cool shirt I'm wearing
staying in the element with our cat while all my girlfriend's cat Wyatt my
books alright thanks again for watching I'll see you next time