- Okay! Okay! - Yeah. It's not terrible.
- It's better than I expected. - I "mustache" you some questions,
but I'll "shave" 'em for later.
♪ (upbeat intro) ♪
- (FBE) We have a wild episode for you guys today.
We're gonna introduce you to completely useless life hacks
that actually might change your life. - Ah!
- I like hacks. - Yeah, I like them too.
I've never done one of these. - (FBE) The internet may refer
to these hacks as useless, but one person's trash
is another person's treasure, right? - Yeah.
- The fact that they're useless makes me really excited
to learn them. I love useless things.
- I do like to waste my time on useless things, so bring it on.
- (FBE) Are you guys ready for this first hack?
- Yes. Let's do it. - (FBE) First up,
we're making orange juice. - (both) Ooh.
- I love orange juice.
♪ (electronic music) ♪
- Okay. I would-- I get that. - I do that.
I do do that. - Yeah, like lemons.
- Yeah. - I do this with lemons.
- Where's our Florida people? We need Florida people
to tell us what to do. - Ooh.
- See, already, I'm like... - Yeah, it's stupid.
- "No, you're not gonna cut the top. Knock it off."
- Ohhh! Are they making like a little spigot?
- (chuckles) I think so.
- (laughs) - No.
- Nooo! - No. I'll just buy orange juice.
- Yeah. - (both laugh)
- Booo! Oh, he's got to squeeze it. Oh, nice.
- Does that actually work? - (FBE) You're about to find out.
- What?! - Oh! Yeah.
- These are sick. - Break out the boards, boys.
- All right. So, first, you gotta loosen it.
- I did this once to a lemon, and it exploded.
- Ooh. See, I already have juice coming out.
- You're juicin? You're juicin' already?
- Oh, I'm juicin'. - Already feeling healthy.
- I'm gonna say... - Time to start slicing and dicing.
- It's peeing on me. - Are you pushing-- I'm putting it
on the inside of this end. - I was just pushing it in.
- I don't think I'm doing this right. (grunts)
- Ah, here we go. Yeah? - What? Why is this--
See? Look at the mess I'm making all for two drops of or--
All right. That'll do. - All right.
- Oh! Oh, look at yours! - Oh, yeah.
Fresh squeezed orange juice. - What a terrible way
to get orange juice. - Oh yeah, if I just want
a shot of orange juice, this is what I should do.
- Here. Have your orange juice, honey.
- It's not enough. - This is stupid.
- You know, when you have the family over and everyone's
sitting around, waiting for your morning breakfast,
give me just five hours to get some fresh squeezed--
- You got it. - Did we do something wrong?
- I will say no pulp if you're a no pulp kind of person.
- Not bad, though. Yeah. - Really nice.
- Everything's fine. - How refreshing,
with just a hint of Connor. - (FBE) Are you guys tired
of your lighters getting wet? - Boy, am I.
- (FBE) Well, here's a solution for that issue.
- When would your lighter get wet? - Jumping in the river.
♪ (upbeat dance music) ♪ - (laughs)
- Oh my god. - Oh, there you go. (claps)
- Eww! - (laughs) I actually think
it's impressive I did this in college. - That's just silly.
- Yeah. - If the options are having
a wet lighter or carrying around your lighter in a condom...!
God, that's constantly happening to me, you know? Just...
I had a lighter and then, "Oh, no! Into a full glass of water."
- I don't know about that. - Okay. I'm sure it works.
- If I was going camping, maybe there's a lake
or crossing the rivers or something and I needed my lighter
for lighting my campfire, I'm never gonna have a condom on me.
- Oh, we're gonna do a test too? I love this.
- I have nothing to say for this one. - I'm not enjoying myself right now.
- (FBE) Yeah, you are. - (laughs) This is so weird!
- Stretch it out like... (laughs) And then you just put it on.
You just roll it down. - It's in the bag.
- Nice. Okay. - Could also be a Ziploc bag, but...
- (laughs) It looks like you ripped it already.
- (both snicker) Ta-da! - Just dip it in.
Just got a little-- just a little cocktail,
a condom and a lighter. - Ah. Ooh. It's nice and lubed up.
- Yeah, it's totally slippery. (laughs)
- Oh, we got fire! - Hey!
- Wooo! That was the most useless thing I've ever learned
in my life. Just-- oops. Sorry. (laughs)
- I did not need to know this exists, and now I'm sadder.
- (FBE) Next up, are you guys tired of banks?
- Banks? - (FBE) Yeah.
- I think my bank is tired of me. - (laughs)
- Banks keep my money safe. - (FBE) Oh, really?
Well, I have something better in mind. - What is the pro-- I don't unders--
♪ (tranquil music) ♪
- Oh! Are we making little hidey holes?
- I'm not trusting it. - (laughs)
- Uh... I'm about to forget my money's in there, wash some dishes
till the sponge is dead and toss that 100 out.
- There's something up if someone happens to be stealing
or rummaging around your closet and they find a sponge in there.
- (FBE) All right. Let's give them the tools they need to never
use a bank again. - (giggles)
- Yup. Tired of banks? Use a sponge! - This is cool.
- It's like the opposite of a condom where if a sponge gets wet,
it's gonna stay wet for SO long. - Like, if your wallet gets wet,
it's like, "Okay, maybe my money's okay in there
or it'll dry out." - Yeah, maybe it'll dry out
or something. - But then, a sponge,
it's just like, "Oh." - Did you do it already?
- I made a cut, but I don't think it's deep enough.
- Okay, is there a hack for cutting the sponge?
- Oh, wait. I should cut away from myself.
I'm an Eagle Scout! I should know this.
- As you can see, the sponge now has a mouth.
- Is that Georgie boy poking out of that sponge?
- Yeah, yeah, what's Ulysses S. Grant doing
in my Scrubbing Bubbles? - Yeah.
- Look, you can't see it. - Nothing suspicious.
- Yeah, nothing to see her-- Wow, Maddie killed it.
- Oh, yours is really good. I like this one.
- It's my earthquake money. "Get the sponges!"
- (both laugh) - Well, you know, it would work
if I did this better, but... I don't know, this could be
my new wallet. - Where's my money?
Just... - Wow, I love cleaning with my sponge
and the no money I have in it. - Well, I'm not very good
at hiding my money apparently. But if it was like on the counter,
no one would know. - Hey, man. Give me all your money.
- Oh my god! - Oh, [bleep].
He's only got a sponge. - Yeah.
- - (FBE) This next trick is perfect for those days when fingers
and combs just don't cut it. - Oh, yeah.
- Is this from The Little Mermaid? - (gasps) Is it in The Little Mermaid?
- Is it gonna be a fork? - (voice-over) Take some scissors
and carefully remove the stem from the base.
Now, fire up your hot glue gun, and let's get to work.
Carefully place... - Oh, they're making a makeshift comb.
- What are they do-- - Oh, I see what they're doing.
You're gonna have to lose your comb and not feel like going to the store.
- (voice-over) ...amount of combing power.
- (chuckles) That's a very long comb. - That is gonna break off in my hair.
- (voice-over) Just be sure to leave enough room for a handle.
- Brings new meaning to-- what is it? A dinglehopper.
- I'm into it. I like this hack. That guy's a genius.
- Okay, they didn't show a stage where they wait for the glue
to settle, so you would be-- you'd just get a ruler
full of forks stuck in your head at urgent care.
- Are we really about to make this right now?
- (gasps) - Oh my gosh. This is ridiculous.
- I'm scared! (snapping)
- Ahhh! - I'm so scared.
I feel like it's a balloon. Close your eyes, you guys.
- See, I've never once used a comb or a hairbrush in my life.
That's why I wear bandannas. - Ever in your life?
- Yeah, this'll be a first. - Yeah, there's gonna be glue
in my hair. - Oh, man. Mine's not even.
It's gonna be scratching up my head. - Hot!
- Yup, that's burning a little bit of the flesh.
- Ooh. That's what that smell is. It's delicious.
- Look at this monstrosity! - Masterpiece.
- I "mustache" you some questions. But I'll "shave" 'em for later.
- It works! - Gonna wait till mine's dry.
- Okay! Okay! - Yeah, it's not terrible.
- It's better than I expected. - Yeah.
- Ooh. - How's that? Is that nice?
- Yeah, that's nice. - Ow, ow, ow!
- It just stabs you. Uh... well, that's stuck. Um...
- Does it look pretty? - Hmm. Hmm.
This is the most effective one that we've had so far.
- Yeah, by far, I would say. It didn't break.
It didn't actually get glue in my hair.
- It looks serial killer-y, though. - Oh, yeah.
- I have long hair. - There we go.
- It works. - I can keep this in my desk now,
'cause I didn't have a comb at work. - I kind of like it.
From the back, it's cute. - It works. The dinglehopper works.
- Life change. - Life is so good right now.
- Life changed. - It doesn't feel like thousands
of tiny skeleton fingers against my skull.
It's great. I enjoy this.
- (FBE) And finally, this might be the most useful useless hack
of them all. This hack will ensure that you'll never have to wash
another dish again. - Ooh.
- Oh, no. I don't know if I trust it. ♪ (upbeat music) ♪
- Saran wrap. - Nice.
- (snickers) No! - Oh, how funny.
- This is actually probably more practical.
- I'm gonna go ahead and speak for the environment real quick:
Uh, [bleep] this. - I mean, I don't know
what I was expecting. - Awful.
I'm genuinely hurt by this. - What?!
Well, this, I guess just became a Try Not to Get Mad Challenge,
'cause I feel like you're about to get really mad.
- Why do I suck at this? - There should be a life hack
for cutting plastic wrap more easily.
♪ (humming) ♪ - It's the condoms again!
- Yeah, and then now you wrap it up and you take it to the bath with you.
- Take it to the bathroom with me? - Yeah, and your food won't get wet.
- Coachella 2020. - This is perfect too,
'cause after you use this, you can use the fork and comb your hair.
- May I serve you? - Oh, yes. One spaghett for me please.
- Oh, spaghett. - All right.
- Okay. - So, like, you'd be eating it.
You're gonna be stabbing, stabbing. - That's some good mac.
- Works as advertised in terms of food.
- (both laugh) - Ew. Ew.
- Mm. - This is great.
- Yeah, I know. Now I'm just enjoying some mac and cheese even though
this hack does kill my soul a little bit.
- Yeah, I don't like this. No, I'll just do my dishes,
'cause I'm an adult. - And for the landfill...
- Oh my god! Look. - Wow!
- I never have to do dishes again. - Although, I will say,
this is effective. This is probably the most effective one we've had.
- Not a cheese mark in sight.
- So clean you could eat off of it. - (laughs)
- Useless. - No more disposable things 2020.
Team Trees. Leet! - Now, my favorite hack
was obviously the comb. - The comb.
- (Sid) Yeah. - (Maddie) The comb.
- (Sid) Felt the best, worked the best.
- Yeah, it felt like a head scratcher. - I think that I enjoyed
the sponge one the most. - (Andrea K.) I think that was
the most useful. That was a thing I would actually use.
- I would too. - I liked cutting up the sponge.
Maybe I just liked cutting it up. - I liked the orange one,
'cause it looked like a little grenade of sadness.
- (Laura) Ooh, yeah. That's a good way to describe it.
- And citrus-y fresh. - The comb is the best.
If you had all the ingredients needed for the comb, then you had a comb.
- I mean, I guess we wouldn't get any use out of it,
since we don't comb our hair. - Right.
- Thanks for watching Staff Reacts... - On the React Channel.
- Subscribe! - We have new shows every day.
- Let us know in the comments... - What we should do next!
- (both) Bye! - Hey, guys. React producer Mary here.
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The link is in the description below. Thanks for watching, guys. Bye!