if you've ever dealt with an out-of-control addict or alcoholic then
you know exactly how scary things can get really out of control
which is why in today's video we're going to cover what to do when dealing
with an addict or an alcoholic who becomes aggressive specifically in this
video we're going to talk about physical aggression for those of you who are new
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today's topic is so important because those of you who know me you know that
it's safety first and then do it's therapeutic and so what we're going to
talk about today absolutely falls into the safety category what do you do when
the situation really gets out of control and trust me it can definitely get there
sometimes depending on the substance when you're dealing with someone with an
addiction if they're intoxicated they can become really aggressive
particularly people who tend to abuse alcohol or benzodiazepines those are
drugs can bring out the really aggressive side of people but the other
times when you say that people become really really aggressive towards you is
when they're in withdrawal and they need to get their drug and for whatever
reason you are standing in their way of being able to get what they need now
that could be physically standing in the way like blocking the door which I do
not recommend ever don't do that we'll come back to that but or it could be you
won't give them the money or it could be you won't give them permission or you
won't promise not to tell Dad it could be lots of different ways but you're in
their way of getting exactly what they want now usually the way these things
escalate is if someone wants something it'll start out kinda nice like they may
actually ask extra nice they may try to charm you or give you a compliment and
then ask or something like that but then if that doesn't work and you're still
standing in their way of getting what they want then it's gonna go up and
and they're gonna verbally turn it on you and they're gonna say you know
something like you're ridiculous why are you making such a big deal about this
why do you always try to control me why are you my business something like that
they're gonna turn it on you and if that doesn't work then they can get to the
point where they're gonna get out right mean because they've already made up in
their head they're going to do X Y or Z regardless and so in their mind it's
like doesn't matter what you say it's going down like have you ever seen
there's a couple of movies with the rock in them and the rock says do you want to
do this the easy way or the hard way and the person always fix the hard way
obviously but in the addict's mind this is kind of what they're thinking they're
like oh this is going down like you can give me permission and you can help me
out or I can make it happen this is when things can get really ugly so the first
type of aggressive behavior we're going to talk about is threatening now
obviously that would include things like verbally threatening you I'm gonna hurt
you I'm gonna break your legs I'm going to blow up your car I'm gonna do
something bad to you or I've heard it said like in other ways where it's kind
of more like a veiled threat and it's like I know people or you know bad
things have happened to people who got in my way before it you know it can be
some kind of more veiled threat like that but things that are also physically
threatening but you may not be thinking of them that way are gesturing or getting
up close in your space like with a physical intimidation there are things
like throwing something across the room there things like breaking something
it's almost like those pre physical things that happen are those like semi
physically aggressive things that happen that are designed to intimidate you and
to push you into doing what they want and those things I definitely count as
aggressive when someone's gesturing at you if someone spits on you that is
absolutely aggressive when someone comes up in your space in a really
intimidating way you know you may want to call that out and they're gonna say
what I didn't say anything I don't care what I said you can be really
threatening someone without having said it we all know that so don't doubt
yourself you know when someone is trying to physically intimidate you into
getting what they want now if someone's becoming this way
because they're intoxicated at the time they may not be necessarily trying to
get something that they want but they may be preoccupied or focused on
something that's making them angry and obsessed about it and they're just
taking that anger out and because they're intoxicated they're completely
irrational in those kind of situations I want you to remove yourself because
there really isn't any talking someone down once it gets to this physically
aggressive point you need to take care of your own safety and you can figure
out tomorrow or on the back end or after you get out the door and you're gonna
call the police you can figure it out later but first take care of safety now
sometimes things escalate beyond the point of that intimidating behavior that
was like pre threatening kind of physical behaviors into full-out assault
someone puts their hands on you someone pushes you someone pulls you by the arm
really hard or someone flat-out hits you or kicks you or punches you I really
don't think that you need me to explain that this is not okay
this is absolutely abusive behavior and it is not okay
under any circumstance if you think oh my gosh this person can't help it they
have a disease or they're addicted or whatever but that does not make an
excuse it is not okay for someone to treat you like that you should not let
that go down if you're in that situation seek help seek support and get yourself
some distance between you and that person that doesn't mean that you're
giving up on them you can still believe in them you can still love them but
you cannot let them treat you badly number one because you shouldn't let
people treat you badly obviously but number two honestly they're gonna hate
themselves even more they're gonna regret it they're gonna feel shameful
about it and it's gonna make their addiction even worse because they really
are gonna feel bad about that later and hate themselves for it so don't let them
do it it's not good for anyone now the last type of aggressive behavior that I
want to talk about you may not even consider to be in the category of
aggressive behavior but it's stealing when someone
is taking things from you in your home and you feel like you can't even leave
your purse out or you have to keep things locked up in a way all the time
to this crazy degree that's aggressive behavior that is intruding in your space
in your boundary and a completely unacceptable way you are at home you
should not have to sleep with your wallet under your pillow at night and I
can't tell you how many stories I've heard of exactly like that
if this to the point that you feel like in your own home you're constantly on
guard that someone's going to take something from you money or something
valuable or something from someone else that lives in the house that is abusive
behavior it is not okay I call that aggressive behavior because that's like
because it's to the point of I don't care how this hurts you I'm doing it
anyway now addicts and alcoholics of all sorts will steal you know it doesn't
matter if they're addicted to alcohol or marijuana or xanax but you will
particularly see stealing behavior when you're dealing with someone who has an
opiate addiction like I said it can be anyone that's addicted but opiates are
so expensive that usually the missing money and the missing things and the
financial stress is actually the very first sign that family members notice
that maybe there's a problem even going on here
now I know you might be thinking amber duh you shouldn't let treat people treat
you bad you shouldn't let people hit you or steal from you or call your names or
whatever I know that you know that but when you've lived in this chaos for so
long it becomes your norm and sometimes you just need like a reminder to say hey
this isn't okay under any circumstance you should set a boundary do not let
yourself be treated this way if you want more information on how to deal with
difficult manipulative behaviors from someone struggling with an addiction
watch this video next I'm going to put it right up here in fact I've made a
playlist specifically about that so you can learn to identify it when it's
happening and put healthy boundaries in place and if you know someone else who
could benefit from this video or in the other videos that we have out there
please share it you'll be helping me spread recovery and I need all the help
I can get