I'm gonna start with number 10 and
work my way back to number one right now.
Hey there, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I am an attorney, a narcissist negotiation expert and
on this channel and in these videos,
I break down exactly how to powerfully shift the dynamic with narcissists
in your business life, in your personal life,
just when you're talking with them and
when you're dealing with them,
if it's a toxic person, if it's a crazy person,
if you want to be able to figure out a way to communicate with them,
in a way that shifts the dynamic,
so that you come out feeling unscathed and setting yourself up,
so that you are feeling valued, respected and
in control so that nothing and no one can ever mess with that,
then I invite you to subscribe to this channel and
hit that notification bell.
What we're tackling today is
Ten indicators that someone can't be trusted,
so that when they kind of come along and
they're in your life, and they’re in your space,
you meet someone, how do you know?
How do you know that they can be trusted?
So, we're going to start with number ten and
we're going to work our way up to ding, ding, ding…
Number one red flag, right?
They're like hiding things from you,
you kind of get in the sense that
you're not getting the entire story,
maybe there's some things that they're not sharing,
there’s stuff that they're hiding from you.
So, that's number 10.
You just don't know anything about their family,
maybe you just don't know anything about their personal life,
you don't know anything about where they used to work,
you've never been to their house,
just kind of like normal things that other people would tell people,
they don't tell you normal things like, when their birthday is,
I just remember like having conversations with people at times and
they just don't want to tell you things that
normal people would normally share and
sometimes I just think that's like a little bit of a red flag.
I tend to remember details about things and
so if somebody says something like,
“Oh, I lived in New Jersey from the time that
I was ten or something until I was 20” and
then all the sudden they tell me that
they went to high school in Florida or something,
then I might say
“Oh, I thought you said you lived in New Jersey until you were 20” and
then I'll ask them about that and then they might say,
“Oh I went to boarding school” or something,
if they don't say that, they'll say,
“Oh no, I lived in Florida during that time”
then you start to “I thought you said you lived in New Jersey” and
then you start to see things aren't adding up, right?
I was having a conversation with my husband's cousin recently and
he was talking about this girl that he had been dating and
he was saying that there were these in consistencies about
how she was affording this apartment that she owned and
at first, it was she paid for it all herself and
is a really, really great place and
then it was “Oh no, I own it with my parents” and
then it was “Oh no, my brother also owns it” and
then it was all these extra things and
just these weird inconsistencies.
Then, you start to not trust that person
so, that's the next one, that's number eight and
by the way, closely related to this topic,
if you are negotiating with a narcissist,
is signs that a narcissist is bluffing and
you can definitely check out my video on that topic
is “Signs that a narcissist is bluffing”,
if you are negotiating with a narcissist,
it's a really good video as well.
I don't like this
because I try to really be reliable for people,
I try to live in integrity myself,
if somebody says that they're going to call it a certain time,
I really do try to make sure that I call it a certain time,
or show up at a certain time, show up on time,
be respectful of people's time,
or if I can't make it, I let them know that,
but if somebody is unreliable and
they don't complete work when they say they're going to
or they don't call when they say they're going to,
if they ghost you, that's not a good sign
specially if you're starting a relationship with a person,
they say they're going to call you by noon and then they don't,
they say they're going to call you the next day and then they don't
that's not a good sign.
So, just being unreliable in general,
not a good sign.
Fast-tracking a relationship.
Immediately, they have to move in,
immediately, they want to be partners,
immediately, they want to fast-track everything,
they're ignoring your boundaries,
you're saying, “Well, let's slow this down”
immediately, they're doing everything right away,
even if you're saying no,
that's definitely not a good sign either,
especially with narcissists,
because they do want to fast-track everything right away,
they want to get immediately into your space,
so that they can start to take over things and with narcissists,
they want to get people you trust out of the way too,
they want to take over your finances right away.
Not a good sign.
They get volatile one minute, charming the next,
super love bombing and then ghosting and raging the next minute,
that is not a good sign,
very narcissistic sign, by the way.
That's one of the things that they start to do
to test you, to start conditioning you.
Definitely not good.
If you do know somebody that you can't trust,
you definitely want to run for the hills.
Somebody's like overly defensive,
they're not taking the blame for something that they should,
they're not taking responsibility for things that they should know that
they were supposed to do something, and didn’t
they didn't say,
“Oh, you're right. I was supposed to do that, I didn't”
That's not a good sign.
If you start to see them go, “Oh that was someone else's fault”
That's definitely a sign of a narcissist, number one, and
definitely sign of somebody who can't be trusted,
okay, so projection and deflection,
Bad sign, red flag,
they're pushing it off on other people.
I had a paralegal one time who had more family members
who died more than anybody else I could have ever seen,
every time she missed a deadline,
it was somebody's Family Funeral,
at first we all had lots and lots of sympathy,
but then it started to being like,
how many family members could be possibly dying?
I mean, and you start to kind of question it and
you start to wonder, are we being completely truthful here? and
it becomes the boy who cried wolf, right?
Because we're always missing deadlines,
we're definitely not doing things on time and
then you start to go, well, hmm, you know,
maybe you should just take responsibility and
actually do your work on time, right?
They're above it all.
That's not a good sign either,
when you start to see those kinds of behaviors in people,
then that's definitely a red flag as well.
That's number three.
Very narcissistic sign too, by the way.
Narcissists you're either for them, against them.
If you're against them, you're public enemy number one,
you have to go down, it's very black and white,
everything is black and white, very much the absolutes,
always, never, best, worst,
can't trust those kinds of people either,
who talk in those kinds of absolutes because
it's very rare that things are absolutes anyway, right?
I do have that whole video on
“Narcissists favorite catch phrases”, by the way,
which you can definitely check out and
the last one, drum roll please,
what would you think would be the number one
indicator that someone cannot be trusted?
It happens a lot.
I like to go with the whole Maya Angelou quote here,
“When people show you who they are,
believe them the first time” and
this is the kind of advice that's way easier to take when you hear it,
but, sometimes you go “Oh” and
as people we tend to want to give people the benefit of the doubt
or we listen, we listen to their excuse and whatever,
but really we all know the quote, right?
Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.
We can catch people in lies,
it's just always, it's not good, it's not good.
So, if you catch people in lies and
narcissists lie, like a wave being for them
so, they lie a lot especially in negotiations,
they lie a lot, they lie in pleadings,
they lie in court, and yes,
there are ways to catch them, and yes,
you can use it against them and yes,
it becomes great leverage and
I teach you how to use it, by the way,
in my S.L.A.Y methodology,
which there is a very good way to use it against them and
I know how to do it.
You can start by getting my free “Crush my negotiation” prep worksheet
at winmynegotiation.com.
So, just do that now, it's a free e-book, totally free,
so just get it, it's 15 pages,
it's helped people, lots of people win, so just get that.
Join my free private Facebook group
at “Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung”.
Links to everything below and
make sure you subscribe to this channel,
thousands and thousands of hours of free videos here just for you.
So, I'm Rebecca Zung.
I am so happy you stopped by my channel and
I am so thrilled to tell you that
today is a perfect day to start negotiating your best life
I will definitely see you in the next video.