Hi there this is Clay and today I'm going to be answering a question that, maybe it's
not really a question that many people are really overtly asking, but just sort of a,
an implicit question that, that kind of underscores a lot of questions that we get.
And that's really why is your ex like shutting you off while you off? and basically becoming
so cold you after a breakup, you know, it can be really frustrating when you're together
with someone in a relationship.
You love each other, you're so close and connected and then there's just suddenly turn that off.
And just to have this like giant curtain, this giant wall go between the two of you.
Why does that happen?
Well, the reason this happens is it's actually twofold.
The first reason is because really any breakup happens because one person in the relationship
wants space away from that relationship or away from the other person in that relationship.
And when that happens, that person wants to enjoy the space.
They want to have that space.
So what they do is they distanced themselves from that person, from that relationship.
So they have time to get that space that they need.
And you know, whether or not, things work out that space will help them get time to
reevaluate things and see life through another, a lens that they wouldn't have otherwise been
able to do if they stay in contact with you, if they, really, kept in touch with you.
And, and we're still in that relationship.
And the second reason, why they're doing this is because, it, it has a little bit to do
with the emotional side of, of what happens during a breakup.
You see 'em when the two of you break up, there's really two very intense emotions that
are created, one in you and one in, the person that is doing the dumping.
Now if you've been dumped, you know, you obviously feel rejected, you feel hurt, you feel, all
of these like nasty emotions and you don't need me to tell you that.
That, so that's one of the emotions.
And the other one is the one that the person doing the dumping fields.
And a lot of people don't really talk about this, so, it's not as well understood, but
that person feels a sense of guilt.
You know, they broke up with you and you're in all this pain and they feel guilty that
they're causing this pain.
Do they believe they're causing this pain?
And nobody likes to think of themselves as the sort of person who goes in and hurting
other people and causing pain.
And so what they do is they kind of distanced themselves as well.
Because every time they're in touch with you, every time they're reminded of you, every
time they get a message from you, or every time you called him, the basically reminded
of that pain and the fact that they might be the kind of person that has hurt someone
else and they don't like to be reminded of that.
They don't like that feeling.
And so they, they, they sort of pull away.
And, what you need to do is you need to cut that contact through active no contact, which
we've talked about in previous videos.
So that, so that you can really not trigger that feeling of guilt in them because every
time you reach out to them, every time you try and contact them, you're going to trigger
that feeling of guilt.
And before too long, they'll start to associate you with that negative emotion.
And that's not really a great a strategy.
First one of patching things up and working things out.
So I'm, you dad definitely want to keep your distance and respect their request for space,
both for the first reason and also for the second reason, so that you don't start to
like over trigger that feeling of guilt, which are just caused them to pull way even further.
So, if you'd like to learn more about how to deal with your breakup a, please go to
relationshipinnergame.com and sign up there.
We'll send you, a lot of information, a lot of strategies, and really the proven plan
that we recommend, and, and has worked for several of our successful clients, to help
you get back together with the person that you love.
Thanks.