[theme music]
[Marc] Ladies and gentleman,
welcome to The Earliest Show with Josh and Sam.
♪
- [Josh is making sounds] - Thank you.
Welcome to The Earliest Show. How are ya?
I'm feeling good. I'm feeling like a guy who-who can change
and change his ways and make people happy by making sure
that he's a different person.
Wow! Big answer!
Mmm.
Let's hit it!
- [Josh vocalizes the theme song] - No, we are not done at all.
We'll get to it soon though. Here we go.
[sigh] You are really looking good today though, I'll say that.
This looks like the outfit from our makeover yesterday.
Oh, come on.
It is. You stole it from the back I guess.
We have any retractions today?
Actually, of course we do. We have a big retraction.
We said yesterday that you only have to go to the dentist
- two times in your life-- - That couldn't have been true.
We all know that couldn't have been true.
...Turns out you gotta go every six months.
I mean, I'm almost certain, we know we were going to get retracted yesterday.
When we were there, I was like, "We are going to get retracted yesterday."
Do you know what I mean?
- You are slurring. - I'm not slurring.
What's in the cup? Now have you heard about this?
Have you heard about popping and dropping?
Oooh, is it like this?
No, but your coat's squeaking. [chuckles]
No, popping and dropping is something like college kids are doing right now.
Marc, we're going to have to fill it up one more time. I ran out.
- I ran out of fuel. - Well, he ran out of whatever it was in there.
- [giggling] - College kids are popping and dropping
which means they are laying down getting up as fast as they can
so they faint right away.
Wow. Why would they do that? Where's the joy from that?
I think it just comes from losing your mind for a second.
- [Josh is laughing] - Oh... Am I funny?
Thanks bud. Where you going?
Oh, I guess we're going to The Social Wall. Get that music going Marc.
♪
[Sam] Uh-oh, he's really dancing today. Wooo!
♪
Hey, you still over there?
[music continues]
Very loose. Very loose.
- [breathing heavily] - Uh-oh. Gettin' tight.
Social Wall presented by Cap'n Crunch. Here we go. First one up!
@WeakSauce14: Chillin' with my bros right now.
What kind of fun games do you know?
I guess my favorite game, if I ever play again, was Duck, duck, goose
but playing with actual ducks and geese.
- Oh. - And bring it back!
[music starts up again]
- Stop it, stop it. We don't have enough time. - Oh-OK.
[clears throat] What's the next post?
[Sam] "What's the most embarrassing thing
that's happened to you this week?"
- Hmmmm. Mmm. - Hmmmm.
Me, I guess it's when I crashed my car into a stop sign.
You crashed your car into a stop sign?
- Yeah. - Were you stopping
- or you didn't even know? - That's the problem.
[laughing] Me? It would have to be-- Let me think, let me think.
[mumbling]
Oh yeah, it would probably be when I proposed to my girlfriend...
[mumbling] he doesn't know that we're live on the air, and then I felt really bad.
OK. Let's hop on to the next post.
- @TheRealJoshBath - This is me. I Social'd this.
You Social'd to us.
[Sam] "If I changed my ways can I get back with Emily?"
- This is a poll here. - This is a poll now.
What I want to see is what our audience thought.
I voted... I don't know. I'm not going to tell you how I voted, but I voted--
Let's see what the audience has to say, next.
- [bleep] For real? - Ooooh. 96% no.
Well, how many people voted?
25 votes.
So I was the only one who said, yes?
Yes.
Alright, let's take it to a commercial.
- ♪ - We'll see you back with more of The Earliest Show
- when everybody's here. - OK.
Are you serious with this?
♪
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♪
Welcome back to The Earliest Show.
- I'm Joshua Bath. - You know who I am.
That's Sammy-Sams. You know sometimes during this segment
what we like to do is we like to sit back, relax, and take a big sip.
Actually, no. We do something else here.
- Introduce. - Oh right.
Oh my goodness. Today we have an actress that's been in movies
that you've heard of and TV shows you've heard of and
she acts, she takes lines, and she says them out loud in front of a camera.
They say "Action. Cut," and then they print it out, they edit it--
- Get to the point! - Ladies and gentleman, Jane Levy.
[squealing]
Hi!
- Oh, did you want to shake hands? - Sure.
- Sorry. - No, that's OK.
- Hi! - Hi!
- How are you? - Thanks for having me.
- Take a seat. - OK.
Take a seat. Ooooh.
Ooh. OK. Let's get right into it.
Oh good. We have a lot of questions by the way.
You ever been in a band before?
- No. - Well, can you sing?
- I was going to say. - Can you sing? 'Cause we do harmonies.
- No I can't really. - Great let's sing.
So do a note, just do any note, and we'll harmonize.
Any note. It can be bad and we'll figure it out. We're great at this.
- Perfect. OK. - OK.
[harmonizing]
[overlapping harmonizing]
- Nailed it. - Cool.
So you and your driver's test, you failed the first time--
- Where did you find these things? - Marc, can I be honest with you?
Marc does all of his weirdest research on you.
What's the main website you find all of our celeb guests at?
Is it a garbage can? I feel like you go to their garbage cans.
Well, I don't want to reveal all of my sources.
If it's a garbage can, legally you have to tell Jane
that you've been in her garbage can.
- Is that true? - Yes.
- Look me in the eyes. - What?
Marc, have you been going through everybody's trash?
- No. - Marc, look me in the eyes.
- What? - Have you been going through everybody's trash?
- No. - Can I be honest with you, and you can tell me what you think?
You know, I went through a thing--
Do you know about it-- I don't have to go into it?
- That's not on the card. - Well, this is on the cards in here.
I went through a thing, and I'm feeling kind of--
I'm feeling kind of great, but I'm also like, I want to change.
I mean, tell me if this is me sticking my nose, you know, where I don't belong,
my friends, when we are feeling down, we like role play together.
You know what I mean? And it like helps us like...
Do you want me to play Emily, and you can play you and we can--
- Yes. - Maybe we can find--
- Yes, I would like that very much. - Yeah.
So you play Emily. I'm going play just Bath, and let's do it, OK?
- Who am I? - You play my grandpa Louie.
- OK. - OK.
- Do you love yourself? - I'm watching the game.
Louie, hold on. I kinda do, but you know what I love even more?
- I love you. - Yeah but, before that, before you met me...
- What is this, piss? - Louie, come on.
- Did you love yourself? - Coffee tastes like piss.
Why, do you think I have to work on myself?
Get my eyeball from the glass!
Louie, come on. We'll get your eyeball later.
- How about this-- - My hole hurts.
OK! I know your hole hurts.
I don't know if it's fixable through a conversation.
- Josh, I'm sleeping in your bed tonight. - Louie, don't sleep in Josh's bed.
- And you're sleeping in there too. - Louie.
Will you marry me?
- Don't get married. It's a hoax. - Look at me.
- Emily, will you marry me? - It's America's hoax.
Emily?
Um, no.
Louie, she-- Louie, Louie? What's wrong with you?
Louie, can you hear me? Louie, can you hear me?
Louie... Marc! We gotta get a medic for Louie!
Louie's gone! Louie, it's me Josh! Are you okay?
[gasping]
Yeah!
I am alright...
just like I've always been.
You know what? Stick around in a second. We'll be right back with
Fitness Zeal with Katie Veal. See ya!
- ♪ - We're going to get our workout on.
- [Josh] Did you have a bar mitzvah? - [Jane] I did.
[Josh] What was your theme for your bar mitzvah?
[Jane] No theme. Did you have a theme at yours?
[Josh] Of course I did: Edward Scissorhands.
Everybody got 3 pairs of big ol' scissors.
Oh, so fun to have you back. Listen, it's our favorite time of the week.
It is time for Fitness Zeal with Katie Veal.
- ...Katie Veal. - I got it. We already nailed it.
So Katie comes every single week. She is our fitness expert.
We love working out with you. What are you going to teach us today?
Oh, well you guys know that I view it as a perfect way to stay in shape.
What is it?
And it's easy to do anywhere, and I promise you, in any space.
Guys... it's Tiny Workout.
- [Sam gasps] - We're doing a Tiny Workout?
- We're doing a Tiny Workout. - Well, how tiny? Is this tiny?
Ooh, that's way to big!
- [imitating] Is this tiny? - Oh, that's even bigger than what he did.
- [imitating] Is this tiny? - No it's not!
Oh.
It's a workout that you can do in any tiny space, like the size of this yoga mat
which is essentially the size of my apartment, which is a closet
in a house where a lovely family lives.
Do they know you live in the closet?
Uh-huh.
- Let's start the music. - [dance music]
Let's get... Swimmin', swimmin',
- swimmin'. - OK.
We're going to jump out of the water, and so we're a dolphin.
And then we're going to spin around, spin around,
but keep your arms pretty close together
because you don't want to knock over all the family photos you've stolen.
And bring it down, bring it down.
Why would you steal family photos from the family?
It makes me happy, looking at what other people have and I don't.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Have you ever had to fight off rats?
This is what you do. You got to punch them in the throat.
Let's reverse. Let's reverse.
Now stop.
Go get that bathroom bucket.
Ooooh. The what...
- What, what... - What are we asking?
Well let's say you have just been asked,
if you're digging through the garbage out front
of the house you've been secretly living in, and you just got to go...
What...
[together] What, what, what.
Perfect.
Uh-oh, now it's time to get low.
Get low, get low, get low.
Let's get down on one knee. Write a proposal.
You know what I'm talking about, like you with Emily.
OK. Uh-oh. Do you have the ring? Do you have the ring?
- Oh, I got the ring. - I got the ring.
But I'm just joking, just playing.
Open, open, and open, and open.
She said yes, she said yes, she said yes, she said yes,
she said yes, she said yes.
Your life is going to change. Your life is going to change.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
- Josh? - We lost him.
He had a rough week, so maybe we'll just let him lay there, OK?
- OK, great. - I think that brings us to the end of our show.
Katie, that was so much fun. Thank so much.
Thanks for watching. Tune in tomorrow for more guests and mischief.
Good night and good morning.
- That was amazing. So much fun. - Thanks so much.
- I'm going to use that too. - Oh yeah, please.
[Marc] Really nice day today guys. Good stuff. Good stuff.