- I once tracked a wild boar here,
I wasn't hunting it,
it was a big mean sow, probably about 400 pounds.
She'd been separated from her piglets,
so I reunited them here, it was incredible.
Seeing mamma, piglets together.
I'm sure you guys feel how special that is.
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
All right, so this is pretty much everything you guys need.
Uh...
Take a moment, guys, enjoy the awesomeness of all this,
enjoy the awesomeness of each other,
and please, do not not take that for granted, okay?
- Hey man, you're so awesome,
I wish you could stay with us all night.
- Aw, me too.
The fun we would have.
(chuckles) The fun we would have.
Look, I can't commit to anything right now,
except for how great you guys are as people.
That I will commit to in the court of law.
I can get that walkie for you guys out of my truck,
so I'll be right back.
You guys unpack, get comfortable,
it's good seeing you guys here.
- See ya later.
- Oh my God, he touched me!
- Bye Ranger Collin!
- [Ranger Collin] Bye-bye!
- Bye!
- Man, he's so cool, man.
- That guy is unbelievable.
- He's really amazing.
Yeah, awesome.
(laughs)
- That guy is cool.
- I don't know, I think he's kind of overrated.
- Overrated?
He's underrated if anything.
- No, no.
- Yeah like look at his skin, look at his muscles, he's beautiful.
- I don't know, I just don't really like him.
Yeah, I said it.
- What is your problem with Ranger Collin?
- Yeah man, Ranger Collin is like,
the coolest dude in the woods.
Why you being the worst?
- I don't know, I just, all right to be honest,
he's the reason why Stacy left me,
and just kind of hard to hear all that.
- Woah, well, that is complicated.
- Wow.
- Yeah, so I'm kinda--
- Just a quick question,
are you sure it was his fault?
- It's not my fault.
- No.
- No, no, of course not, no no.
- However, are we sure it's his fault?
- Well, it seems like it was his fault and Stacy's fault.
- But he's such a cool guy.
- Well--
- Did he maybe not know what he was doing?
- He was doing my ex-wife, so--
- Maybe it was her fault,
like, maybe she lured him
into some fishing scam on the internet,
and he just couldn't turn it down.
- Sounds very unlikely.
- But possible.
- I guess, yeah?
- Look, maybe a sorcerer took control of his body.
He's doing the sorcerer's bidding, the horny sorcerer.
- No.
- Chad, nobody here thinks it's your fault.
- Definitely.
- However, can we also agree that there's a world
where Ranger Collin is also a victim here.
- Right.
- Yeah, maybe in some weird alternative,
like, world there's some chance,
one-in-a-million that it's not his and her fault.
- We love you man, seriously, and we got your back.
- Cool, nice.
- Maybe we should, you guys wanna?
- Uh, yeah, let's do one, get in here.
- All right, here I go, okay, all right.
- You're in the center of a friendship cocoon,
you're gonna come out a butterfly, buddy.
- Spread those wings, yeah.
- I mean, you're right, he's great.
- Yes.
- Yeah!
- Yeah.
- Thank you for getting that, yeah.
- Oh man, like, I get why she left me for him.
- Yeah.
- I think we all do.
- Hey, that's not cool guys.
- No, no, no, if I'm being honest, like,
he's like, pretty much perfect,
he's like, good-looking, and smart.
He's great with my kids.
- You're right, he's the total package.
- Yeah I was just a little jealous,
'cause you guys like him a little bit more than moi.
- Not more than you, probably about equal.
- Yeah, more or less.
- Yeah, he's just a little notch above you.
- Did I ever tell you guys why she left me?
- No.
- Well, we went to Monday Night Raw,
and like, the tickets weren't actually real.
- Yeah, I'm not going to apologize for that again,
so let's quickly move on.
- Yeah, no problem.
So I got home early,
and I heard a loud panting upstairs,
and I was like, "Huh, what is that?"
And then I walked upstairs,
and in the bedroom there was no one there.
And then I heard like, still moaning, moaning just,
(fist slapping)
And then, I look up, and then that's--
- That's when he caught us, yeah.
You mind if I take it from here?
- Go for it, you tell it the best.
- Thank you, thank you for letting me have that.
- You're welcome.
- So he didn't catch us,
because we were suspended from the ceiling.
Yeah.
Anchored by suction-cup gloves and socks,
and we had climbed the wall as one, worked together,
in a collaborative spirit,
artistically, to paint the room, with our love.
- Wow.
- Yeah, it was actually quite horrifying,
it was like a scary movie porno.
(laughs)
- In many ways it was!
In many ways it was, wow.
It must've looked terrifying,
but to experience it was titillating.
Oh my God, I wish you guys could've been there.
It would've been my great honor to have you guys there.
We climaxed multiple times, multiple.
I can't even count at this point.
Had to be in the hundreds.
So anyway, Chad and I sat down over a mojito.
- And those mojitos were to die for.
(chuckles) I have to say.
- Bless your heart, bless your heart.
This guy is so giving, with his wife, with his compliments.
Anyway, I told Chad that Stacy and I were soulmates.
That she is vigorous, enthusiastic, a sexual athlete,
and then Chad and I made love.
Right? - Yep.
- Whoa!
- Okay.
- Wow!
- Cool, that's what's up.
- Sloppy seconds.
- So are you guys in a polyamorous relationship?
- Oh, definitely could be arranged, right?
- Oh, of course not, no.
We made a gentleman's agreement,
we shook hands and we decided to be friends.
And I gotta tell you, Chad,
look at me when I'm telling you this.
- Okay.
- I am honored to share
that special friendship with you.
- Sames.
- I am honored to share that with you.
- Whoa.
- I want you to witness this, Tommy.
I am honored to share that with him.
Max, I am honored to share that with him.
Honored!
- Ditto, ditto on that one.
- I am so pleased with this discussion.
I relived the entire incident telling you guys this,
and I could not be more enthusiastic.
I could not be more enthusiastic.
Now, I have to go change, obviously.
- Amazing.
- Here's the deal, you need anything,
you just hit this little button, okay?
- Cool.
- And I will be seeing you guys
amoung the pine trees.
Please enjoy.
- Thank you.
- Thank you, take care, guys,
(clapping)
- Take it easy. - Thank you.
- Good talk.
- Bye Ranger Collin, we love you.
- See ya, go long.
(chuckles)
Just kidding, dad,
I mean, I'm sorry, Ranger Collin.
- Look at his butt.
- Chad, that was amazing!
- Dude!
- I don't know, all right, yeah, you caught me,
you caught me.
- [All] Chad, Chad, Chad, Chad!
- Ah, no no no no, stop!
Oh, come on!
(cheering)
(cheerful music)
- Sorry bout your wife.