[ Laughter and applause ]
-Few corrections.
Want to do a few corrections from yesterday.
[ Laughter ]
Yesterday, I was talking about the children's character,
the children's book character -- excuse me -- Babar.
Babar the Elephant.
[ Laughter ]
I said "Buh-bar."
I was told that was wrong. It's "Bah-bar."
I was saying it like David Spade's
flight attendant character. [ Laughter ]
"Buh-bar."
We were talking because -- because of the context
of Dr. Seuss and how Babar is just getting away
with the fact that he married his cousin Celeste.
But that's helpful because he answers to Babar,
King of the Elephants, and Giuliani of the Jungle.
But not Buh-bar.
I also said we referred to "Cliffhanger" in German
as klippenbugle.
I was told by some German viewers
the German word for "cliffhanger" is "cliffhanger."
So I guess German is a little bit easier
to learn than I thought.
[ Laughter ]
And that klippen -- Obviously, we're upset we got it wrong,
and we're going to take it up with our on-staff
German fact-checker Klaus Googletranslate.
[ Laughter ]
I was told the way we said it was
basically like a coat hanger on a cliff,
and as a means of apology,
here's what that would look like.
Here you go.
[ Single laugh ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Whispering indistinctly ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Whispering indistinctly ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Sniffs ]
"Suripitously" -- I said that.
[ Laughter ]
Missed both T's. Pretty embarrassing.
Came in today, I said to Shoemaker,
"Did you notice that? 'Suripitously'?
I said it wrong," and he said, "No, because
I thought you were saying a different word."
[ Laughter ]
[ Deep sigh ]
[ Laughter ]
And I said, "Yeah, but in context, didn't you know?"
And he goes, "Actually, I think you also used it wrong,"
so that's a real double barrel.
[ Laughter ]
Also, you might have thought, once I said "suripitously,"
I internally thought, "That's wrong."
Absolutely 100% not the case.
Said it and thought, "Nailed it."
[ Laughter ]
Walked home, proud of myself, but again --
and, also, I want to point out that, you know,
when I make mistakes, and you guys call them out,
and then I take the time on the show to correct them,
that doesn't mean you should keep pointing them out.
[ Laughter ]
I mean, if you want to, that's fine.
That's your "pregogative."
[ Laughter ]
But we're just trying to do our best here.
[ Laughter ]
All right. Is that good?
Great.
So let's put that in a vault, and don't let him near it.
[ Laughter ]
Uh, so we're done for today.
[ Laughter ]
Um, sorry it was so short.
I know a lot of you look forward to this,
and I'm sorry somebody ruined it...
[ Laughter ]
...for all of us.
See me ne--
I do want to make a few corrections.
[ Laughter ]
But this -- don't, for one second, think
this is an episode of "Corrections."
[ Laughter ]
I referred to an Irish town as "Dundlak."
It's Dundalk. Dundalk.
Apologies. I doned [bleep] up.
[ Laughter ]
A quick rundown of some notes I've gotten on impressions.
Somebody said my Nick Cage
sounds like Andy Samberg doing Nick Cage.
That's because it is.
[ Laughter ]
I said I had a passable Cliff Clavin impression.
I was told by a jackal that it was not, in fact, passable.
[As Cliff] "Well, I, agree to disagree there."
[ Laughter ]
Somebody said I did a good Steve from "Sex and the City."
They then added they'd never seen "Sex and the City,"
but that actor was in "Chicago Fire."
And they could tell it was a good impression
'cause how he sounded in that.
[ Laughter ]
He was in "Chicago Fire." He had that famous catchphrase,
"Ah, not another fire."
[ Laughter ]
[ Sighs ]
-"Porsche" is two syllables.
An easy way to remember is Ellen DeGeneres' wife,
Portia de Ross.
[ Laughter ]
Um, I said -- I made a joke,
like, "It would be like saying Ferrari car."
A bunch of you said you could say "Ferrari car"
because Ferrari also makes tractors.
I don't think you have to say "Ferrari car."
I do think if you're going to pick up a date
in a Ferrari tractor, you should say "Ferrari tractor."
[ Laughter ]
Don't want to show up, ka-chunk, ka-chunk, ka-chunk!
[ Italian accent ] I can-a see-a by your face
you expected-a something else."
[ Laughter ]
[ Normal voice ] Totally -- By the way,
totally fine to say "Boeing plane."
They also make helicopters, drones, satellites.
I also assume they make those "Lord of the Rings" movies.
[ Laughter ]
'Cause they're so Boeing.
[ Laughter ]
-Jesus...
[ Laughter continues ]
Can we edit out Leiderman saying "Jesus"?
[ Laughter ]
Dub in this -- "Ha! Good one!"
[ Laughter ]
Speaking of dad jokes, we did a "Surprise Inspection."
Bryan Donaldson wrote a few dad jokes.
I referred to that when he showed his picture,
and someone said, "At least he looks like a dad.
You have three kids, and you still look --
you still look like a childless dog owner from L.A."
[ Laughter ]
[ Mouthing "Thank you" ]
[ Laughter ]
No when -- no one -- [ Clears throat ]
No one in Australia --
This is from our Australian viewers.
No one in Australia drinks Fosters.
No one in Australia says, "Crikey."
Dingoes are not native to Australia.
They were introduced. And when they were introduced,
the Australians said, "Ah, welcome, lovely to have you,"
and the dingoes said, "We'd love to meet the baby."
[ Laughter ]
We had sort of a "Corrections" within the body
of "A Closer Look" about this photo.
You guys might remember this photo.
Um, called out a lot of mistakes of it,
and then a bunch of you guys did some more digging.
They said that they were not in a reflection --
the reflection wouldn't be, uh...
see-through like that.
Also, you did some looks at the posters, and you were like,
based on the fact that there's a Broadway poster
for "An American in Paris" and, uh...
a "Captain America" movie, this is definitely from 2016.
[ Laughter ]
But again, how could we get a picture of Times Square
from today?
[ Laughter ]
[ Clears throat, hums ]
Somebody said the tag at the end --
We have a new tag at the end of "A Closer Look."
You know, the sort of "like and subscribe" page.
And we did switch to a new picture
after the 10th anniversary, and a lot of people said
the photo of me looks Photoshopped,
and, uh, I don't -- I mean...
[ Laughter ]
[ Clears throat ]
Talked about taking the subway, and a bunch of you said,
"I don't believe that you take the subway."
I do take the subway when I'm with my children.
I just think it's important not to get
their snot all over the limo.
[ Laughter ]
Um, we did not get to the bottom as to whether or not
Wally gets paid for having a conversation with me
that is not scripted.
You know, we had an unscripted conversation,
and one of you posited, you know,
"Maybe Wally's doing that,
making mistakes on purpose, so he can cash in."
Um, we did not get to the bottom of it
because Wally was out this week.
He said he needed a few days off to spend all his money.
[ Laughter ]
It's Emmy time, and that means we have to pick
an episode of "Corrections"
to submit to the good people at the Emmys.
This window -- we -- we crowdsourced this last time,
and I want to note that it was the first time
we didn't get nominated.
[ Laughter ]
But it starts -- I guess episode 80 is the first in the window,
so episode 80 to basically now --
I wouldn't pick this one
because this is not an episode of "Corrections,"
but, you know, either in the comments of "Corrections"
'cause I'ma [bleep] read it anyway,
or you could go to Sea Captain Polls.
We'll -- we'll post -- you know, we'll post, uh,
what's your favorite, and let us know.
Um...
Someone asked if we mic the crew for laughs...
[ Laughter ]
...during "Corrections."
We do not mic the crew,
but over half the crew are Mikes.
[ Laughter ]
Nestle is not based in Zurich.
It's based near Geneva.
Also, this is fascinating to me.
The C.E.O. of Nestle is named Nestle Lielsen.
[ Laughter ]
And you might be saying, "Surely, that can't be true."
It is true.
And don't call me Shirley.
[ Laughter ]
I implied that "New York Times" crossword editor
Will Shortz would crap his shorts
when the LEGO people came for him.
And I was told by a jackal, "When the LEGO people
come for you, you don't crap your pants,
you [bleep] a brick."
[ Laughter ]
Also, Will Shortz, I read, after we mentioned him,
he's recovering from an illness,
and get well soon to the great Will Shortz.
Mentioned a "Surprise Inspection" earlier.
We did a "Surprise Inspection."
We had some corrections for Scollins,
who wrote a great many of the jokes.
He had one joke about how people are sleeping worse,
and his punch line is, "Well, he's been in jail,"
and showed a picture of Bill Cosby.
Bunch of you said Bill Cosby has been out
of jail for a couple years, and I can't believe he escaped.
[ Laughter ]
Would not want to have been on duty when that happened.
You know, Scollins writes jokes on purpose
to chill the audience,
and some of you thought I was a little hard on him.
One of you went so far as to say, "Sleeve him alone."
[ Laughter ]
If you know, you know.
And then a bunch of you said, "Hey!" -- 'cause I cut some.
I cut some because -- and, again, the ones I kept chilled.
And I cut some, and a bunch of you were like,
"Tell us the ones you cut!"
Okay.
[ Laughter ]
A new Apple TV+ documentary
is set to reveal John Lennon's final words.
I'm guessing, "Ouch."
[ Laughter ]
Today was National Milk Day,
the one day on broadcast TV we're allowed to show hole.
[ Laughter ]
Butthole.
[ Laughter ]
ABC last week premiered its new reality dating show,
"The Golden Bachelors," starring a 72-year-old widower,
so you can probably guess where he got the roses.
[ Laughter ]
And these are his friends.
And, yeah. So I'm not going to do the ones
where the punch lines were about
Betty White, Harriet Tubman, and Judy Blume.
[ Laughter ]
Uh, can we record a new tag for "A Closer Looks"?
[ Chuckles ] The news, right?
[ Laughter ]
Can make you crazy. But what if there was something
you could watch that only made me crazy?
Well, there is. It's called "Corrections,"
and it's every week where I respond to YouTube commentators
and what they've said I got wrong about each week's show.
Check it out wherever you get your YouTube videos,
so YouTube, where you are right now.
[ Laughter ]
I can be here all day.
All right.
That about wraps it up.
I do hope we can eventually get to 100,
because it'll be a really special thing for me.
See me next week.