in this video I'm gonna talk about why state single and celibate for a year and
a half and I'm gonna talk about why you should probably do the same so make sure
that you stay tuned what is up everybody this is Chris from the rewired soul
where we talk about the problem but focus on the solution and this is
another video for my broken picker series so if you haven't checked out all
the videos in the broken picker playlist make sure that you check out the info
card above because I will link to it I'll also link to it again at the end
card but this entire playlist is about people who keep getting into bad
relationship after bad relationship after bad relationship and while we
can't control what other people do in the relationship we can control what we
do how we work on our mental health and who we actually pick to be in a
relationship with so I was mentioned in the intro I stayed single and celibate
for a year and a half and it was literally the best thing that I ever
ever ever did for my own mental health so as some of you know who follow my
channel I am somebody who's in recovery from alcohol and drug addiction and the
biggest recommendation is that you don't get into a new relationship your first
year biggest suggestion nobody follows it like nobody right so that is a video
for another time but I am one of the few people who followed it not to say that I
didn't try I did make another video about my first sober date that went
terrible if you want to check that out again it'll be in the info card but
anyways a little bit about me and my past relationships every relationship I
was in was terrible my entire life it was horrible
and when I when I began to start working on my mental health I had to take a step
back and look at all these things like why am I getting into these bad
relationships one of them was because I had a broken picker but the other thing
was what I realized when looking at my past is that I was never single I was
just never giving myself the time to really work on me from the time I was
young and in high school and got my first girlfriend I was constantly
seeking a new relationship being single was the most
comfortable lonely depressing thing on earth and this is true for all of us but
I had to start realizing that you know getting into terrible relationships
wasn't going to solve the problem so when I started working on my mental
health I had to become very self aware okay
and the self aware this self awareness started by realizing that I kept getting
into terrible relationships now for anybody out there who's in recovery I
had to be honest with myself how many times did I drink or use because of a
breakup pretty much every single time right so since I don't know if that
person's gonna break up with me there's there's no warning sometimes I
had to be very honest that I was not ready to be broken up with I was not
ready to have my heart broken now anybody else out there who's watching
this and you're not in recovery it's still important to recognize this
because I'm somebody who struggles with anxiety and depression and breakups can
send me into this downward spiral that is extremely hard to get out of so if I
keep getting into bad relationships and these are things that are a detriment to
my mental health I'm not ready to get into a relationship so I made a decision
that until I felt that I had the foundation the mental foundation to get
into a relationship I wasn't gonna do it and it took me a year and a half so part
of my self-awareness was I'm a very selfish person
I'm extremely selfish okay a lot of us are and I'm gonna make some more videos
about people who are selfish in relationships without even realizing it
but I knew that because of my mental health I was not in a position to date
anybody it would have been extremely selfish of me to drag somebody down with
me just because I didn't want to feel lonely I've done another video about
this it's called don't date if you're broken right and this is something that
I had to realize it was not fair to another person to be like okay I'm
broken I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna grab you I'm gonna make you my emotional
hostage and you're gonna stay with me until I get fixed like that is not fair
to another person okay next yes you guys heard it right
I stayed celibate for a year and a half I know you like like it's absolutely
true and here is the reason why again this goes back to my selfishness and
self-centeredness I even when I was single I was trying to find women who I
could just hook up with and use just for my needs
and something that that I don't think many of you have picked up on but what
I'm doing doing these videos about becoming a better person it's for your
mental health this is easy so much about other people like for example with
depression when we have depression we have a lot of negative self-talk right
I'm a terrible person I'm not worth anything down and on and on so one way
to help curb your depression is to quit being an awful person because I would go
hook up with a girl I would lie to her manipulator oh yeah baby girl I want to
be with you forever right then I'd sleep with her and never
talk to her again and then I would feel guilty about it
which then fueled my depression so I wasn't in a place to even casually hook
up without feeling like garbage on the other side of that too is a lot of times
I would get emotionally connected like really emotionally connected I had to be
very honest with myself that it's hard for me to even hook up without
developing this attachment to somebody so I stayed single as well as celibate
now the reason why this was the best thing that I ever did for my mental
health was because I learned how to be comfortable being alone and this is a
skill that not many people have they feel lonely and they jump into a
relationship and oftentimes they lower their bar so low that they're just like
oh this guy or this girl that showed me a little bit of attention and they're
kind of cute so okay that's a great relationship to get in and it's not and
it's all because we don't like loneliness and loneliness is part of
life like some of you out there if you're watching this and you're in a
relationship you realize that even when you're in a relationship you can feel
alone so I had to quit search for this this temporary fix for my
loneliness because why would I do that when I can strengthen my own mental
health and learn how to be comfortable being alone when you learn how to be
comfortable being single it opens the doors wide open for what you get to do
with your relationships your emotional life like it is incredible like when I
learned how to be comfortable being single I was able to say okay no I don't
want to date you know I don't want to hook up with you I was back in the
driver's seat I was in control because I knew I knew for a fact that I had built
up the mental resiliency to be alone this is why I highly suggest that you
take some time to just be alone like I used to be that person you might be this
person or you have a friend who is this person where they jump from relationship
to relationship to relationship like they can't even be single for like five
minutes like I have a friend I have a friend who was with a girl for years
they got engaged everything like that and they broke up and within a very
short amount of time he jumped into a new serious relationship and like I sit
back and I'm like oh my god this is the stuff that I used to do and this friend
he's not a drug addict he's not an alcoholic there's a lot of very normal
people out there who don't understand that it's okay to be alone now I can go
off on a huge rant about how society has creates created this idea that you have
to be in a relationship if you want to be happy like let's be honest real quick
because of that idea that you have had implanted in your brain this is the
reason why divorce rates are so high this is the reason why I'm starting to
make videos about parenting because so many people are getting into bad
relationships cuz they don't know how to be alone then they bring a kid into the
mix now we're raising a little human being to be mentally and emotionally
unhealthy all because we don't know how to be alone you know what I mean so I
really hope I really really hope this video got through to a few of you and if
if you're good with this cool but if you know somebody out there who has a
difficult time just being single please please please
do your buddy Chris a favor share this video with them help them understand
that it's okay to be single help them understand that they will build up this
mental and emotional resiliency by being single so please share this video with
people to let them know now being single is probably one of the best things that
they can do for their mental health alright bye anyways I'm gonna hear from
all of you I want to hear from all of you what your thoughts are on this
subject and if you're somebody who's been single for a while or you went
through a time when you were a single like I want to hear what your experience
was so make sure you leave them down in the comments below alright
but anyways anyways if you like this video if you like what I'm doing here
please give this video a thumbs up and right below this little box click the
little round subscribe button I'm always making videos to help you out with your
mental and emotional well-being and again click or tap right there if you
want to check out the whole broken picker playlist right below it there's
my last video that I uploaded thanks so much for watching I'll see you next time