-The FBI seized the phones of two Trump aides
and issued 40 subpoenas, as the Justice Department
intensifies its various investigations of Donald Trump
and allies, including MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell
whose phone was also seized by the FBI.
For more on this, it's time for a closer look.
[ Cheers and applause ]
It's genuinely becoming very difficult for me to keep track
of all the investigations into Donald Trump and his allies.
For example, one of his closest associates, Steve Bannon,
was just indicted for, I don't know, like the 18th time.
The only was I'm able to keep track is that he wears
a new layer of clothing for every time he's been arrested.
It's like how you can tell how old a tree is
by the number of rings it has.
By the time he actually ends up going to prison,
he's gonna look like this.
And then we found out Trump's fundraising activities
were also under investigation for potential fraud.
-Blockbuster reporting from "The New York Times"
that the Justice Department's January 6th investigation
is expanding.
Quote, "A federal grand jury has issued subpoenas seeking
information about Save America PAC,
which was formed as former President Trump
promoted baseless assertions about election fraud."
As a reminder, Trump created the Save America PAC
after he lost the 2020 election.
He raised millions of dollars by falsely claiming
that there was rampant voter fraud that had to be stopped.
And according to the January 6th Committee,
Trump and his surrogates mislead donors
about what their PAC donations would ultimately be used for.
-You mean to tell me Donald Trump
has amassed a giant pile of money that might not entirely
be above board?
[ Laughter ] Next you're gonna tell me
Chris Pine wasn't thrilled to be at the Venice Film Festival.
And in particular, what seems to have attracted the attention
of the feds, in Trump's case, is that he seems, and I know
this will come as a shock, to have lied to his supporters
to get their money.
Although, let me stress, I think most people who donate money
to Trump would do it no matter what he said it was for.
I don't know why he opened himself up to criminal liability
by lying and saying it was for a legal fund
when he could've just raised as much
from telling his supporters...
Or...
[ Applause ]
So those are just a few of the newest revelations
we've learned about recently.
And as I said earlier, it's getting hard to keep track
of all of Trump's criminal investigations.
I mean, I don't even think I could list them all here
if I tried, which is a shame because people should know
about all of them, given that the Republican Party
and so many of its midterm candidates are standing
firmly behind Trump.
I just wish someone would put all the Trump scandals
into -- I don't know, one giant list so we could get a sense
of Trump's corruption.
I mean, maybe some young hotshot journalist dead set on
taking down the former president
and the whole Conservative establishment.
Maybe someone like this man.
-First, it was the Russia hoax,
then it was Comey's Crossfire Hurricane,
Mueller's witch hunt,
the Emoluments Clause investigation
from the House Oversight Committee,
a House Ways and Means investigation
into Trump's taxes,
another House investigation into Trump's hotel lease,
another House investigation into foreign gift disclosures,
a D.C. probe into Trump's inauguration fundraising,
another similar investigation from the Southern District
of New York,
and the Eastern District of New York,
and from New Jersey's attorney general,
one impeachment investigation into a regular phone call
with Ukraine,
a second impeachment investigation into January 6th,
yet another House Committee investigation into January 6th
that is still ongoing with more hearings to come.
And then there's the Southern District of New York's
investigation into pardons, a DOJ probe into Trump's
political action committee,
another House investigation into the Trump Administration's
security clearance process,
other investigations into Trump's property valuations,
and of course his social media, Truth Social,
the Trump Foundation, as well as a variety of other
tax investigations,
and of course the National Archives investigation
that lead to the Mar-a-Lago raid.
You got all that?
-Mar-a-Lago raid.
I do now!
I got it all now.
[ Applause ]
[ Laughs ]
Also those weren't his hats.
Seriously, was that list supposed to make anyone
other than Donald Trump look bad?
It's like a reverse résumé where you list all the reasons
you've been fired from previous jobs.
Uh, special skills? Let's see.
I'm often late, I steal office supplies,
I ask co-workers on dates, and won't take no for an answer,
I treat every day like casual Friday
and every Friday like underpants Sunday.
And when I'm given feedback on my work,
I have been known to pull a knife.
And now I've a question for you -- when do I start?
[ Laughter ]
Don't make me pull my knife!
He has somehow, as of today -- there is still yet more
to add to that list, because in addition to the House hearings
into January 6th, there are multiple
criminal investigations, including multiple federal
grand juries that we know of.
And now, one of those investigations taking yet
another extraordinary step by seizing the phones
of two Trump aides and issuing a flurry of subpoenas.
-"The Times" reports,
"Justice Department officials..."
-40 subpoenas!
Next time Hannity does his list of Trump investigations,
he's not even gonna be able to get to all of them,
he's just gonna have to read every fourth entry
as it scrolls by and call it
"Now That's What I Call A Trump Criminal Investigation"
or "Jerk Jams".
Feel like one of those.
And by the way, those are just the investigations
and subpoenas that are directly related to Trump's
personal actions to overturn the election.
Then there are the satellite figures floating in his orbit
who tried to help out in their own ways
and now face their own legal trouble,
like MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell.
And again, I always feel like I need to clear this up.
The name of his company is MyPillow,
he's not my pillow CEO.
My pillow CEO is a guy named David Rosenbaum,
who does a fantastic job.
Started with 15 pillows, I think we're up to like 19, 20.
And before we get to the Lindell news, I also think it's worth
pausing to reflect on the fact that one of the president's
closest outside aides and advisers
was a guy who sells [Bleep] pillows.
That in itself is not a good sign.
President Obama literally had a Nobel laureate
in his cabinet.
I don't remember Obama ever taking the mic
at a press conference and saying,
"And now, I'd like to introduce the man who'll be spearheading
our national infrastructure plan,
the ShamWoW guy."
[ Laughter ]
Now Lindell, of course, already posted about this story online,
as you might expect.
And just as entertaining as the news itself is the location
where it happened.
-Today, the FBI -- you're gonna hear this, and you're probably
already hearing it in the news.
The FBI came after me and took my phone, they surrounded me
at a Hardee's, and took my phone
that I run all my business, everything with.
They could've just -- what they've done is weaponized
the FBI.
It's disgusting.
I don't have a computer.
Everything I do -- that phone, everything was on there.
And they told me not to tell anybody.
Here's an order not to -- don't tell anybody.
Okay, I won't. [ Chuckles ]
But I am.
So, there you go.
-It's so fitting that they stop Lindell at a Hardee's,
because when you think of it, Hardee's would be
a more accurate name for MyPillow.
[ Laughter ]
And to be clear, Lindell says it was at the drive-thru
at a Hardee's near Mankato, Minnesota.
It's just so perfect.
I think if someone told you, "Hey, they seized Mike Lindell's
cellphone," your brain would just auto-complete the sentence
with, "At a Mankato Hardee's."
It's also great because Lindell's regular
speaking volume is everybody else's
ordering at a drive-thru volume.
[ Imitating Lindell ] "They surrounded me
at a Hardee's, and at first I thought
they were gonna take my order, so I said, 'Okay, I'll have
97 orders of biscuits.'
But then they told me they were with the FBI,
and I said, 'Does that stand for Federal Biscuit Inspectors?'
And they said, 'That's not a thing.'
And I said, 'Well, it should be because sometimes the biscuits
are too dry.'
And they said, 'Don't tell anybody.'
And I showed them that.
And that's not the one.
Where'd the thing go? I don't have a computer."
[ Normal voice ] I also --
[ Cheers and applause ]
I also love to imagine Lindell only eats at restaurants
and towns that are fun to say in his voice.
[ Imitating Lindell ] Where you guys want to go eat?
We could go to the Hardee's in Mankato, or the Arby's
in Owatonna, or maybe the Jack in the Box
in Oconomowoc.
[ Normal voice ] So that's Lindell's side of the story.
Although, if you want to hear more of it,
you'll apparently have to into a network other than Fox News,
because when they reported on this story last night,
they briefly played a clip of Lindell explaining
the situation just before cutting him off.
-FBI agents located him, questioned him,
showed him their badges, and asked him questions
about Colorado and Dominion voting machines,
and then provided him with a warrant
to seize his cellphone.
-And then he says, "We're FBI."
I said, "Show my your badges."
So they show one badge, I said, "How about yours?"
You know, 'cause I don't trust anybody, like, you know,
there's bad people.
Well, they do that, and I say, "Well, what do you want?"
And they said, "We need to talk to you."
So I pull over, and --
-Mike Lindell said that he initially told those agents
he would not surrender his phone, because he does not
have a computer and runs all of his businesses
off of that phone.
-[ Imitating Lindell ] Where's my camera? Over here?
Okay, ready to go with my story about the FBI.
We're filming this in my office, so I think I know
where the camera is.
[ Normal voice ] They just cut him off the way you hang up
on your grandpa over FaceTime.
Hi!
Hi, grandpa.
I heard you met a friend today, what did he say?
-He says, "We're FBI."
I said, "Show me your badges."
So they show one badge, I said, "How about yours?"
You know, 'cause I don't trust anybody, you know, like,
there's bad people.
Well, they do that, and I say, "What do you want?"
And they say, "We need to talk to you."
So I pull over --
-Okay, grandpa, gotta go.
The FBI is seizing my phone.
Bye.
Although, my favorite part of the Fox News coverage
came earlier when Fox host Tucker Carlson introduced
the news in a very solemn tone, but also, for some reason,
threw in a dig at Lindell.
-This is a Fox News alert and a shocking one.
We told you last night that the Biden Administration
has politicized law enforcement to the point
where it feels Soviet.
And we were not overstating it.
The FBI has just raided the guy who sells pillows
on this channel, not because the pillows were bad,
but because they don't like who he voted for.
-I love how he makes it sound like he would've been totally
fine with it, if they had raided Lindell
because his pillows were bad.
Way to be a pal.
If you're gonna raid this truth-telling,
democracy-loving patriot for anything,
let it be for how criminally uncomfortable
his [Bleep] ass pillows are.
[ Imitating Lindell ] Hey, Tucker, I'm standing right here.
[ Normal voice ] As midterm election season intensifies,
Republican candidates cross country made it clear
that they are not only okay with actively supporting
Trump's corruption, his attempts to dismantle democracy,
which is why it's so important
the Justice Department follow every lead and investigation
every accomplice, even if it's just three guys or four guys
or five guys, they have to follow the dominoes,
even if they lead all the way to...
-Hardee's.
[ Laughter ]
-This has been a closer look.
♪♪
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