Boxing,
the only sport where it always looks like the athletes
are just about to kiss.
Watching grown men punch each other is the perfect way
to work off some of that post-Thanksgiving aggression.
And over the weekend, there were two big fights
that showed how the sweet science is as sweet as ever.
NEWSMAN: Saturday night, 54-year-old Mike Tyson
fought 51-year-old Roy Jones, Jr.,
eight two-minute rounds over at Staples Center.
The fight was unofficially ruled
a draw by the judges ringside.
NEWSMAN 2: The other match of the night,
YouTube star Jake Paul took on former NBA star Nate Robinson.
Eventually, Paul hit Robinson.
That's right. Knockout punch,
sent him right to the canvas.
Wow.
That's the first time I've ever seen a human get dunked.
Looked like, one minute he was trying to catch a bus, and then,
he was like "Oh, no, I'm supposed to be taking a nap."
And can someone tell me why
a YouTube star is fighting an NBA star anyway?
What is this? Is this just 2020 making shit up?
It doesn't make sense. It sounds like
they were just matching up professions out of a hat.
And in the next fight, we'll see...
a Nobel physicist versus... musical legend Tony Bennett!
To me, the better fight was the main event
between Mike Tyson and Roy Jones, Jr.
It was so much fun to watch.
You know, two great boxers going head-to-head.
You know, and they were moving, they still knew how to fight.
Although, obviously, they're still in their 50s,
you know, so it was kind of like watching
a fight scene from The Irishman,
except with double the amount of black people from The Irishman.
Now, I know some people didn't think
that this fight was worth the 50 bucks
that they paid on Pay-Per-View, but right now, people,
this is the only place
you can see two middle-aged men fighting.
I mean, now that COVID has cancelled
all the Little League games,
where else are you gonna get that action, baby?
Speaking of older men, let's move on to Joe Biden,
president-elect and the guy Don, Jr. thinks is his new dad.
It has been a little over three weeks
since Biden was declared the winner of the 2020 election.
And he's already hit the ground running,
maybe a little too hard.
NEWSMAN: This morning President-Elect Biden
on the mend, spending Sunday night at the doctor's office
after twisting his ankle while playing with his dog Major,
according to his transition team.
Biden's doctor saying the president-elect,
following a CT scan, sustained hairline fractures
in his right foot and will likely require
a walking boot for several weeks.
Wow.
Biden broke his foot playing with his dog?
That is such a strange accident,
or was it?
Someone check who that dog voted for.
And why does Biden need a walking boot?
He shouldn't be walking.
He should be riding a golf cart everywhere.
It's called being presidential.
Also, I know this is a hard one to figure out,
but the president-elect getting hurt by a dog
really puts the Secret Service in a difficult position,
because how do they handle this?
-(barking) -Down on the ground! Hands in the air! Roll over!
Oh, my God, he's so cute. Look at him.
Look at him, guys. He wants a belly rub.
(laughing): Oh.
Can't stay mad at that face.
All right, but dogs or not,
Joe Biden's got to be more careful, right?
He broke his foot before he even got into office.
At this rate, by the end of his first term,
he's gonna look like the vase your dad tried to fix.
Once again, I'm just relieved
that America doesn't choose its leaders
the same way Wakanda does,
because right now, that dog would officially be
the new president of the United states.
-Is this your king? -(barking)
Moving on to the coronavirus pandemic.
It's the reason your aunt finally
stopped kissing you on the mouth.
Dr. Fauci and other experts are warning
that the United States
is about to enter a wave within a wave,
as the already skyrocketing number of cases
gets a post-Thanksgiving surge.
It's the only Thanksgiving leftover
you don't look forward to.
Well, after brussels sprouts. And let's be honest, guys.
Another surge is exactly what America doesn't need right now.
Cases and hospitalizations are already breaking new records.
And I know nobody wants to give up Christmas,
but guys, maybe there are some traditions
that we can do without.
You will not see a lot of red noses in the city this year.
That's because SantaCon, that pub crawl, has been cancelled.
NEWSMAN 2: The flash mob meets, pub crawl event raises money
for charity, but they've been criticized
because of some participants' booze-fueled antics.
NEWSMAN 3: An announcement of the SantaCon website says,
"Remain home and stay on the good list.
We're all in this together."
What? SantaCon is cancelled?
No!
Now how will children ever get
to see Santa Claus passed out on the sidewalk without pants?
Those poor kids are losing out on a tradition.
Can I be honest? I never thought
SantaCon would get cancelled before Santa.
Yeah. Because I thought for sure
that Santa would have been cancelled by now.
I mean, let's face it. The dude is problematic as hell.
He sneaks into everyone's homes.
He goes to malls to have kids sit on his lap,
and he's kissed all of our moms?
Yo, how is this dude still around?
But if you ask me, they don't need to cancel SantaCon.
Just make it virtual, like everything else this year.
You know? Do the whole thing over Zoom.
And then instead of throwing up on the sidewalk,
you throw up on your keyboard.
It's not perfect, but it's the next best thing.
Now some people are happy that SantaCon is cancelled,
because they say that those Santas just get drunk
and act obnoxious in the streets.
But I don't know about that, guys.
I mean, every year, I get drunk, and I dress up as Santa,
and I don't act any different.
I'll tell you what I want for Christmas.
A brand new sled.
And a piece of that ass.
Ho, ho, ho.
That's right. Give it to me, James. (growls)