S: So what you're saying is
this is going to be
egg-cellent pudding
M: Boooooo
S: Boo yourself!!!
[WTF music]
S: So we're super excited about this
egg-cited about this
M: Oh no, Simon
S: Because you're supposed to put an egg on the inside and then it makes custard out of it somehow.
M: Listen, it doesn't make sense
It says that you just spin this egg in this egg machine
and then it comes out as pudding?
S: Look, the box
egg changes to pudding. You can't deny the box
M: I don't believe -- I'm sorry, I think this is gonna be a flop
I do not believe this.
M: It's like those little mini puddings in Japan.
M: Did you throw the instructions away?
S: But the instructions is you put in egg and spin 2 minutes
M: Okay do you want me to show you the intructions
S: No, you gotta-
It's pretty intuitive, the design.
You unscrew it and put an egg in
M: Oh, we're gonna have to saran wrap this
Yea, so you saran wrap it, you boil it for 30 minutes
and then you have pudding
30 minutes is gonna be like the world's most dead hard-boiled egg
S: Look you can't argue science! M: This doesn't make any sense!
S: This is science! This is life!
M: I don't believe you
S: So this is gonna be Simon's egg
S: Egg drawing over!
S: Wait, more detail M: *laughs*
S: Good
S: I have right here a little duck
You see that?
I have a big blue duck.
Okay, I'm gonna start. What do you have?
M: My egg has me on it and then at the corner it says
"Simon sucks!"
S: Well I don't think you suck because I love you dearly
M: Time to get the pity votes in
S: That's right
S: So my egg is now locked into position
M: Oh, this is so ridiculous S: Awesome!
S: Okay so let's pop it in, you gotta-
M: There's a hole there
S: Yea yea I know I'm trying to put it into the hole
M: That's what she said?
M: Okay slow down, you're such a chunky man
S: Hey, hey, hey, hey stop it
S: "You're such a chunky man?" Screw you!
M: You're like *imitates Simon*
S: I gotta do this for 2 minutes... aaand go!
S & M: Woahhhhh
S: Look at that go!
M: It's faster than I thought! It's like-
M: Woah
S: Okay I gotta do this for 2 minutes
M: Turn this sideways, I wanna see what it-
[Simon making ugh sounds while turning the pudding making handle thingy]
S: You die!! MAKE DA CUSTARD!
S: Oh, my forearms are sore from all this-
M: I'm gonna do something else
M: I am really,
really a debbie doubter right now about how this can possibly work
S: Okay eggy, let's free you from your confines
M: Oh! S: Ugh
S: It's fine!
S: Let's get the saran wrap
M: You have to do
M: [In creepy low whisper tone] Devil's toys
You can never tear it straight
S: This is Satan's toilet paper
M: It's just infuriating
S: Who invented this? It barely ever works
S: What is this?! M: Like, what is that?
S: What is this?!
M: Even if you have like the little zipper or the puller which it came in, it never works
S: It never works
S: Here you go. Okay.
M: Why are we saran wrapping this egg?
S: Because that is instruction number two: saran wrap it
M: Why??
S: I don't know
Science people tell me, why would I have to saran wrap my egg?
Kay get your egg
Where's your little stupid loser egg?
M: [gasps]
M: It's in the witness protection programme! You'll never be able to identify it
S: Okay, and...
[Counts down]
Go!
S: Oh your egg is gonna be the crappiest custard out there
S: What is this baby sissy custard you're trying to make
M: Listen
The machine does the work for you
That's why it's like quadrupling it out
S: You are doing the slowest possible custard
You're gonna make mustard, not custard
M: That doesn't even mean-
S: Fustard!
M: That doesn't even make sense
S: It's gonna be bastard!
M: I understand the concept of "if you do this long enough you can create pudding-textured egg"
S: Yeah
M: But where does that brown-
Like on-top juicy looking-
That doesn't make sense!
S: The molecules
M: Yes?
[Bubbling chemical sounds]
S: Form and bond something different
This is Japanese-
M: Like pudding?
S: Yes, like pudding M: That doesn't make sense!
S: It's on the periodic table of elements
It's like "Pu" for "pudding"
M: There is-
There-
It makes no sense
S: If you have a lot of pudding it becomes gigapudding!
That's how it goes, it's on the box-
M: Are there gonna be pudding gnomes that go into our water when we're not looking?
S: Start the bear timer! 30 minutes!
S: Alright.
[Funky cooking music]
S: Okay!
M: I don't know. I am really nervous.
S: I'm nervous too!
Hurry hurry hurry hurry hurry hurry hurry
Wanna eat my egg custard!
Mine looks great, yours looks like [insults Martina's egg]
M: [Gasps]
S: Peelin' this ain't easy
M: AHHHH it's so hard
S and M: AHHHHHH
M: Mine looks like an egg
S: You totally ruined yours
S: Wow
S: Okay
M: Yours is definitely the winning egg
S: Yeah I def-
Of course
[Victory music for Simon's custard egg]
S and M: AHHHHHHHH
M: Ohhh it rolled over the eggshells
S: Okay, lets see
This just looks like a really hard boiled egg
S: Yup.
M: So my original concern which was
"How would this turn my egg into pudding?"
S: Maybe 30 minutes wasn't what they meant to say
S: Maybe 30 seconds? M: Maybe you read it wrong?
S: This sucks!
S: That custard is just scrambled egg
M: That's delicious scrambled eggs
S: Okay let's try another batch
M: Are we gonna?
S: Yeah I'm gonna try another batch, I need to get this right!
What did we do wrong here?
Look at how pretty this shit is!
They got all the cream on top and everything!
S: I'm gonna boil it for 15 minutes this time
I don't wanna wait I want custard now!
You will be mine, custard
Oh yes.
I'm gonna do this until I get it right
[Martina singing]
[SINGINGGG]
M: So Simon finally did the 10 minute version
S: You've done the 15 minute version
M: Yes and this one I wrapped so tightly in saran wrap
S: Okay. Alright
M: I don't ever wanna eat another egg again
S: I'm done with eggs
M: Okay, you're gonna go first
S: What the hell???!
This is so
M: Wait wait wait
M: Scoop into it, maybe it's all like wonderful
S: Okay, maybe if I scoop into it
S: This is still hard boiled as balls
Look at this
IT SUCKS
IT SUCKS SO MUCH!
What the hell??
Do you understand what a custard is? This isn't a custard this sucks!
M: Ducky...
S: I'm gonna try putting maple syrup on it
M: I haven't done mine yet, maybe mine works
S: No, yours sucks too!
M: Oh.
S: This all sucks!
S: That guy, that Korean guy
You lied!
You liar!
You lied so bad
M: You know what he did?
M: I bet he did what we did and then finally boiled a one-minute version
S: Maybe
M: In order to actually get this working
S: This'd better be-
Have some redeeming qualities
This is egg with maple syrup. It's all this is.
S: But the maple syrup is really nice
M: I mean, it's maple syrup
And yes, we are Canadian and we do have a maple syrup in the form of a hockey player eh
S: Don't judge us
M: Okay
S: Yeah, just judge us
S: I found another egg!
I will figure this out!
M: Look at how fed up our animals are in the background
Like, you've been doing this all day
S: I don't care
M: And they're like [Imitates Spudgy and Meemers] "Why won't you feed me!?"
S: You'll be fed when I figure this out!
M: Captain's log
Start date- November 2015
My captain, Simon, has lost his mind.
I eggpected this to be a very eggciting day, but I didn't think it would be as
S: Okay, this is gonna work!
M: A disaster
S: This is a 5-minute egg
S: Okay, here we go
M: By the way, hey
S: What?
M: This is our last egg
S: No, I will start bringing the neighbours' over
M: There's a knife, there's a knife, just cut it!
S: OHHH! IT WORKS!
M: This- This is diarrhea, Simon
S: Might be diarrhea, but it'll be worth it
Okay
M: No..
S: Look
See, this is a little bit creamy
M: Kay stop, stop for a second this is diarrhea, Simon
S: Nonono, I'm doing it
M: Don't do it
S: I'm doing it
M: Don't do it, Simon
S: This has been cooking for 5 minutes, 5 minutes means no diarrhea
M: Diarrhea?
S: ... Maybe...
M: Bro do you even lift?? Simon?
S: This still sucks!
S: Marti- Okay maybe if I pour my maple syrup in there
M: [About-to-vomit sounds]
S: Stop. Stop, maple syrup will do it
M: I can't
S: Okay i gotta pour some syrup in here
M: [Still making vomit sounds]
S: This will work
S: Okay. Maple syrup-
M: Ducky don't do it you're gonna get diarrhea
S: IT DOESN'T MATTER! IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE!
IT'S FOR SCIENCE!
M: [Still making vomitting sounds]
S: It's not custard!
S: Okay. I'm done.
I can't do this anymore
This is causing me-
M: Is it- Can you cover it-
S: Way too much
M: with something?
S: time, I had all the things I wanted to do today, but
it's all gone for the stupid custard maker
M: It was more, it was cracked up to be
S: Oh..
M: This egg-perience
S: Guys, I'm so sad right now
M: It's okay
S: I really wanted custard. I got so excited
I thought it was all gonna be gigapudding
S and M: I just want gigapudding!
[Simon crying and Martina laughing]
M: Simon is gonna-
S: [Sobbing]
M: The neighbour is gonna like "But I heard a woman cry!"
M: Okay Simon is
S: I just want a pudding
M: You're a really egg-cellent actor
S: This sucks.
M: What do you wanna have tomorrow?
Eggs?
S: NOTHING!