- [Crystal] Cult's are everywhere,
and nobody joins a cult on purpose.
So if anything, what we want to do with this video
is provide a means with resources in the description
for you to learn how to avoid cults yourself.
- [David] With that being said, please enjoy the video.
(Bossa Nova music)
- Hey Crystal!
- Hey David!
- Did you know I was in a cult?
- I, I, you told me. But they don't know.
- They don't know.
- David was in a cult.
- I was in a cult.
- Everything in this video happened exactly
how it happened to David.
- No.
- Oh.
- It is loosely based on that.
- But s-some, some things?
- Some of the things.
- ...happened to you?
- Yes.
Well, today we're going to find out if you can survive
- I landed.
- [David] Life hasn't been going your way.
Stuff sucks.
- Damn
- [David] You almost, even, lost your house.
- What? I'm homeless.
- I'm a llama,
- Greg! Why did you betray me like this?
- [David] While walking through the college campus,
- I am a, I am a youth.
And definitely am of college age.
Hello, fellow kids.
- [David] You notice two strangely attractive
run over to say, "Hey!
You would be perfect for our group."
This pamphlet claims that they'll help you
become super accountable,
super pretty.
- Accountable and beautiful?
- [David] Uh huh.
So you decide to go. Do you,
A. Just accept it,
B. Ask a friend to come with you, or
C. Ask the school director?
- Isn't the whole point that I don't h-have friends?
Greg abandoned me.
- Greg did abandon you.
- And you're the narr, you're the narrator.
I have no friends.
- I didn't say you had no friends.
I said you had bad friends.
Oh, well it's like having no friends.
I'm left with nothing but to just go, I guess.
- I mean, you're right.
So you go. You have joined 'The Group'.
- Great.
- It just so happens that you joined 'the group'
when it's time for the annual camping trip!
Yay!
- I don't like camping. Bro...
- The group decides that they... they're gonna go...
- [Crystal] Can I leave the group?
- No.
- You go onto the annual trip,
- I don't need to be pretty.
- [David] to get away from the hustle and bustle of...
- [Crystal] I don't like bugs.
- You're going to the trip! (laughs)
At the campsite, things have been really fun.
One of the days they decide to have a group meditation
in the clearing for initiation.
- Okay, okay. I can vibe.
- But...
everyone has to wear a special
white garment from head to toe.
You notice that there's an animal that's been killed
and everyone's gathering around it.
- Well, well, well okay. First off,
who killed the animal? Was it already dead?
Did we find this animal?
- That is a good question.
That is something that you will find out maybe
or maybe not later.
What do you do?
A. Yeah, no, I'm going to 'nope' out of this and run away,
B. Ooh, a dead thing!,
- [Crystal] No...
- [David] C. I'm gonna go, I'm gonna see where this goes,
D. Try to find one of those counselors who owns the
camp site.
- [Crystal] Ah, if we're, if we're being '100',
I'm probably going to quietly 'nope' to the back
and just, it's a combination of A. and 'that one'.
- It's either, it's either A. or it's C.
It can't be both.
- I don't think I would run yet.
- So we go with C., okay cool.
(laughs)
Everyone is gathered in the clearing and chanting begins.
They suddenly stop and the leader comes into the clearing.
He begins to talk and you feel a chill run down your spine.
- Oh no, we out!
- [David] "Hello,"
- [Crystal] Oh God.
- [David] "my fellow peace seekers.
Today, we have new members and boy am I happy..."
- I've been here this whole time.
- [David] "...to get to know them personally."
And then he looks right at you.
- No! We're already good friends.
Hey Steven!
- [David] "But first we must drink to sanctify ourselves."
- [Crystal] We getting drunk?
- [David] He dips that cup into the carcass and pulls out
a cloudy drink.
- Oh shit! That has to be a violation
of some OSHA guidelines or something.
- [David] That drink is given to all the new
community members, including you.
Two or three people who drink the drink get up
and they start heading over to the cave,
and everyone has their eyes open blankly staring at it.
- I missed the syllabus.
- [David] What do you do?
- [Crystal] I had a dream like this once.
- [David] A. Drink the mix and join the others,
B. Run in any direction, literally as fast as you can,
C. Jump into the lake and try to swim away, or
D. Pretend to drink the drink
and go to the cave with the others?
- Nothing here checks out, mate.
- Something's gonna check.
- No. All right, all right.
We got, we gotta think through this!
- You have, you know what?
You have 10 seconds.
- No! No! Oh God. Okay.
Well, if I, ah fuck,
- Five...
- I'm gonna pretend. I'm gonna pretend,
and now I'm gonna go.
- Go into the cave?
- I don't know, I feel like they're gonna get me
- One...
- if I run.
- Zero
- I guess we're good with 'pretending'.
- All right, so D.
- Can I, can I make this my, like,
if I lose a life, can we come back to this place?
Because remember, I have three lives.
- [David] You pretend to drink the drink?
No one's any of the wiser.
- Mm, so good guys!
Juice, animal juice.
- [David] At the cave, it gets harder to see.
You can just make out what looks like symbols.
Those who drink the drink in front of you
are starting to stumble as they walk.
There's a room at the end of the cave with the door open,
and you can see the Guru inside of it.
The members who are guiding everyone into the cave
begin to usher the first person in the room.
They cut off your vision to the person.
The last thing you were able to glimpse is
as they begin to undress the person?
- [Crystal] Ah!
- [David] One of the guides begins to talk.
"As we know, the Guru is the key to reaching inner peace.
The Guru will bless each new member
and consecrate them into the fold."
- Mhmm.
- [David] You hear a scream from inside the room
as they push you forward.
- Sounds promising.
- [David] There is blood on the floor as they open the door.
They put you in the circle as the guru begins to
walk towards you.
What do you do?
- I stab him.
- [David] A. Try to fight and attack the Guru,
B. Sprint towards the entrance of the cave,
- [Crystal] That's not gonna work.
- [David] C. Allow the guru to bless you.
And there is no D.
It's, it's A., B., or C., which one?
- Listen, consent is everything.
And I do not consent to this situation.
This was not on my syllabus.
And I always have a machete handy.
And I stab him.
- So, are we going with A. Try to fight...
- [Crystal] Yes.
- ...and attack?
Well, you don't have a machete.
- Yes I do.
- No you don't.
(laughs)
But you take one of the skulls from the wall and you
smash the Guru in the head...
- [Crystal] Yeah!
- [David] ...killing him instantly.
- [Crystal] Yeah!
- You are strong.
You then take the robes and put them on.
The followers run into the room
and see you wearing the robe.
They stopped suddenly and bow to you.
- That's right. I am the queen now.
- And they are now calling you the 'Guru'.
- [Crystal] Uh huh.
- [David] They ask, "What would you like us to do, oh Guru?"
- Well, first of all
- A...
- I have some laundry...
- No!
- ...at the dry cleaners I need y'all to pick up.
- Bend, bend.
A. Tell them to kill everyone,
B. Take up your new role and continue with the ritual
as if you are the new Guru,
C. Take the group in a better direction of your choice, or
D. Try to disband the group?
- Can I get them to do my laundry?
Is that the better direction we're going with?
- If that's what you choose.
- Honestly, we probably shouldn't do cult things anymore.
We no longer have to go on camping trips.
Good job team! (clapping) Good job.
I'm proud of us.
- You have done it.
You have, you have tried to disband the group.
- Yeah!
- The only thing that the guru cannot do.
- Well fuck!
- They no longer recognize you as the Guru.
- What do you mean?!
- Cause the Guru would never do that.
- [Crystal] Yes he would, ah, yes she would.
- [David] And they kill you as the greatest sacrifice
towards the inner peace God.
You lost a life.
- Looks like I got a save point, baby.
I have two more lives left.
Bitch, we running.
Everybody's staring at me, like, "Aw."
- [David] Everybody's staring at you.
- [Crystal] I go... (laugh)
...and then I run.
- So you run in any direction as fast as you can.
- [Crystal] Yeah.
- [David] You can see four paths.
Which one do you take?
- [Crystal] Okay.
- [David] A. Run towards the cave...
- [Crystal] Mm mm!
- [David] ...that you see in the distance,
- [Crystal] That's dumb.
- [David] B. Run deeper into the forest,
C. Run to the counselor's cabin area, or
D. Run towards the dirt parking lot.
- I'm torn between the forest and the parking lot.
But the parking lot isn't the road.
We're gonna go to the forest.
- [David] You run deeper into the forest,
but they're getting closer.
Suddenly you hear another search group in front of you
and on the sides of you. You're surrounded.
What do you do?
A. Run into the group in front of you,
maybe it's a new group,
B. Run to the group behind you and ask for forgiveness,
- [Crystal] - Hm, no.
- [David] C. Run to the group to the right, or
D. Run to the group to the left?
- I feel like this is a trap.
I feel like every option is death.
Left is my lucky hand, so let's just go left, baby.
I go. And if they want hit me, I go swinging!
Swinging!
Going!
- [David] You run right into them.
Without a word, they slam you to the floor,
and you hit your head on a rock.
The world never heard from you again.
- Oh no!
I only have one life now.
- So we're gonna go back.
- [Crystal] Okay. So we're now we're at my safe point.
You still running, right?
- Hmm, you know, I kinda like the idea
of just the being in charge of the cult.
That was a pretty great thing I almost did.
- You're gonna go back?
- Am I going to go have a cult that just
does my laundry for me?
Yeah. I'm the queen.
Back to that one.
And then I've killed him, and I'm the queen,
and I make them a better cult.
I survived.
- So you change the direction of the group
and become a new cult leader.
- Yep
- But you're still a cult leader, so.
- Hey!
- Yeah, I don't know. I mean, I guess you survived. Kinda.
- I did survive. You're welcome. I'm the queen.
- I feel like we lost, I don't know. (laughs)
- [David] Thank you guys so much for watching.
- [Crystal] Bye!
- [David] Bye!