- [Interviewer] Scissoring is a real thing.
(participant chuckles)
3, 2, 1.
(chiming)
(participants laughing)
- You're like- - Wow.
- "It's not what you think."
- Scissoring. It's not what you think.
(participants laughing)
(upbeat electronic music)
- [Interviewer] I have fallen for a straight best friend.
(chiming)
- (humming thoughtfully)
Depending on who watches this.
(contestants laughing)
I mean, okay, depending on who watches this
this person might already know or might not know.
You can't help who you fall in love with.
I think that's clear.
We all know that we already have attractions.
That was my problem was knowing
but not being able to tell anyone
or doing anything about it.
So like literally going home every night crying and like
why am I like this?
How can I change? But especially growing up in a small town
where there's really no queer people.
So, who, you're really only gonna fall
in love with straight people.
- I think when I was younger I was like obsessed
with my best friends, specifically like girl best friends
where I wouldn't say I was like 'in love',
but I placed a lot of like the love feelings that I wanted
on them without knowing what it was.
- It never happened.
Even like long, long ago.
I, I was always dating girls who were not straight.
If I had found out that someone I was interested in was
straight, I'd be like, that's it.
- I had a lot of internalized homophobia
and all my friends were always queer
growing up since like elementary school.
So for me I think I never gave myself that opportunity
to like fall for a straight girl.
- Basically. A lot of my women best friends are queer
or ended up coming out.
I've lost a lot of friends for coming out
because it's like, oh, like Mikaili, she's a lesbian.
She likes me.
No, that's not how it is.
My very attractive best friends that are just my friends
and we're like this, you know?
And that's just how I am.
- [Announcer] Scissoring is a real thing.
- (participant chuckles)
3, 2, 1.
(chiming)
(contestants giggling)
- Wow. I'm shocked.
- Can we say porn?
- Yeah. - Okay.
- (contestants laughing) - I dunno if it's censored
but no certain some people especially, you know,
maybe cis men that fetishize lesbians will see porn
and they're doing things that like you don't do.
Like that's not something you do.
But it is real and I, I mean it is
validating people that do it
but it's also like, it's not what you really think.
- (contestants giggling)
I'll just leave it at that.
- It's like some click bait for it.
- Scissoring; It's not what you think.
(contestants laughing) - A rebrand.
- It's like see it to believe it.
We've all we've, I've done it.
So I believe that it is real.
(laughing)
- I will take everyone's word for it
Whatever you say, obviously.
I, I don't, I don't know.
I've heard that it kind of works
and then I've also heard that absolutely not.
They just won't do it.
It does not happen.
- I feel like if you enjoy it, it's real.
You like kissing, it's real.
You like scissoring?
It's real.
You know what I'm saying?
Like there's no like rule book
of like how to be intimate with someone.
It's your connection with your partner
or the person you're messing with.
- I think I'm gonna switch cause I've personally only been
with two people being queer.
My first experience with the first person was very much
like I didn't know what I was, you know
what to do or what to expect.
It personally didn't do much for me.
That's why I wanted to switch.
Cause I do know it's real cause I have done it.
But just not my thing.
- I certainly think it's real.
I certainly think it's not for everybody
but I also certainly think it's a trial and error.
Like you have to practice basically and keep going.
I'm gonna start, I'm gonna turn into
a sex therapist really quick.
(contestants laughing) - Like it's...
- You have to do what, sorry?
(contestants laughing)
- Everybody's body type is different.
Meaning every angle is different.
So that's what I mean by trial and error and you really
have to do it multiple times until you get it right.
It's like everything,
You do stuff until you learn what you like. So.
- [Announcer] I have never had sex with a man.
(whispering)
(chiming)
- There's no middle ground.
- We got some- - (contestants laughing)
- I mean it's yes or no, right?
- Like maybe it happened. - I'm like, kind of.
- We have some gold stars. Okay.
- Oh we have gold stars.
- All right.
- I've only been with one man
who just so happened to be trans.
That was enough for me to be like, this is not me.
I was still seeking the parts of him that
I think connected him to womanhood.
And I really did him a disservice.
Like I was a terrible person for that.
Also, the whole thing with gold stars, I just
I I feel it's not great.
Gold stars should, should not mean anything in my opinion.
Because that only-
- The term or like what, what do you mean?
- I mean no agree. I wasn't saying that like,
'oh congrats to us' because
there are lesbians who are like,
'Ooh I will only date like people gold stars.'
But I'm not saying like gold stars are better than not.
It's just a term in my mind that's what I was
like referring to when I said that. Not like-
- I disagree with the whole thing
of gold gold star lesbians being better than
Yeah, everyone else.
- Oh. Yeah, no, it happened. You know.
(contestants laughing)
- It was, I was in high school, you know.
You live and you learn.
You tried, I tried, tried multiple times and I was like
something ain't clicking.
Like isn't sex supposed to be amazing?
And then had it with a woman and I was like, oh, got it.
- Funny that you said that because I, I feel
like the first time I had sex
was the first time I had sex with a woman.
I came out when I was 29 and I was about to be engaged
to a man and so I was at the point where
I had to be real with myself
and really have had to be like, if I don't come out now
I'm gonna be 50 with a child and married, coming out.
I have had sex with men, I was straight for 29 years
but I, I always knew I was gay.
But yeah, so that's why I'm here
- With the wide spectrum of what people consider sexes.
I had my fair share of experiments with men.
I had thought I was asexual because
I didn't have any romantic attraction to men.
I felt forced to engage in certain activities
to fit in with my friends, my cis friends around me.
It just happens. And if you're not growing up with
with homosexuality being normalized
you're kinda just forced into it.
- I dated men through college.
I still don't consider myself like full on the
Kinsey scale or whatever. Fully, fully lesbian.
I'm still attracted to men
but I was super Christian and so I just
was not doing sexy things at all, which is a bummer.
I like, wish I would've had sex with men.
That's gone now. (phone chiming)
Ring on the finger, I'm moving forward.
I don't know. Sounds like it's not
not all cracked up to be from over there.
I don't know. (laughing)
- Yeah. Like a part of me.
(contestants laughing) - Yeah. Like
I genuinely do agree cause like I grew up
like also like I was very like Christian household
and like, you know, when I was younger I thought like
you had to wait till you're married to have sex.
And then when I realized that's not a thing
I just was like,
oh I really just don't like men. What do I do?
And then I just like pushed it aside, all that stuff.
So I mean there is a part of me that's like, wow.
I'm like, I really will never have sex with a man.
So I don't know.
Yeah, I don't think there's anything wrong with
having sex with men.
But yeah, maybe in a, maybe in another world I
another life I will, I don't know, not this life I guess.
- I just, I've been like a tomboy
like my whole life and like I've always viewed
like my guy friends as my guy friends
and like I didn't know that like in elementary
like one of my guy best friends had a massive crush
on me cause I was like, ah, that's the bro, you feel me?
Yeah. Like I've just always had friends
and it's never been more than that.
- It's, it's a little silly
that like I'm standing on this line
and imagining the comments already of people being like
'well how do you know that you're a lesbian
if you didn't try it with a guy?'
- They can shut up.
- And I'm like-
- Respectfully. - (ladies murmur agreeingly)
- They can shut up. You just know.
- Yeah. It's like why
I would never ask a straight person that.
- Yeah, yeah. Exactly. It's the same thing.
Like you don't go to straight people and you're like
well you've never had sex.
Well I mean I always tell people to try it if they want, but
- I mean, I'm not gonna lie, I'm a bad influence.
- [Announcer] Gay men are more privileged than lesbians.
(chiming)
- I feel like women being on the queer spectrum at all
is like, less legitimate to some people than
like men saying that they're on the spectrum at all.
A lot of people refer to me
or other women in my life as like it's a phase.
Oh there it, you'll get over it. It's a phase.
But like I don't really see that happening
with men if they're gay or whatever.
It's, everyone's like they're gay.
Which I think is a privilege.
- It is like in a way a privilege because you're
already established.
I'm a gay man.
Like I can't even tell you how many times I've been
with my partner. My partner and like, oh that's your friend
by my own parents.
'Oh, how's your friend doing?'
You seen us holding hands,
what do you mean how's my friend doing?
You know, I don't do this with my friends
- Unrelated, but the amount of times
I've like visibly kissed my partner on the lips
in public and then had somebody come up to me like
you're really close with your sister.
- Oh sister. (ladies laughing in disbelief)
- And I'm like, 'excuse me..?'
So yeah, I do under, like that
is always really weird for me.
But that was, it was a little unrelated
but it does happen a lot.
- I think that we all have our own struggles.
I have known people where it's like
oh I'll sh I'll show my
I'll tell my kids about lesbians but not gay men.
Like they're, they can't see that because
for a lot
of men they, they fetishize lesbians in a way
so it's less it's more approachable for them.
Gay men, they're like 'oh no' like
you know like the 'F' slur, all that stuff.
Like very aggressive towards them.
So I feel as if it is easier to come out as a lesbian
to some people based on society's like fetishes and stuff.
- It's funny cause it would probably be the opposite.
I'm Mexican and my dad
one time we would like go to rent movies
and one time he got Brokeback Mountain
without knowing what it was about.
He was like, 'oh yeah, sometimes two men fall in love.'
And then when I came out to him
it was like the most disgusting thing to him.
For my culture and my experience
it's a little bit different because
a woman being with another woman and like
a man not being present
is kind of just fed into like the machismo
in my culture. So that's why I would strongly agree.
- Lesbianism has always been
not only fetishized but romanticized.
People get to cherry pick
what part of queer culture they want.
Cis women kissing each other at parties
and 'Oh that's so cool.' That's so, 'ha ha ha' quirky.
In a sense of hate and hate crime,
you're a lot more to take a double take at two men
holding hands than you are at two women holding hands.
Because are they besties or are they a couple?
You know, you never know.
- [Announcer] I have damaged relationships
with my loved ones because of my sexuality.
(chiming)
- I feel like my relationship like,
with my parents has kind of shifted it since I came out.
I have no regrets, like
my parents love me for like who I am
and even though they're a little hesitant, like
you know I have one of my guy best friends, he's like,
'You sure you don't wanna date Sean?
Like, he's so nice for you.'
I'm like, they don't get it. It's still that disconnect.
Cause I do wish they reacted a little bit better to it
but there's nothing I could do about it.
At the end of the day, I still love who I am
and I'm not gonna change myself for even my parents.
- I grew up severely Mormon and
my relationship with my father is nonexistent because of it.
And I am a firm believer it's because
he chose the religion over me.
The only thing he said was, 'Read this verse in the Bible.'
There was no conversation or nothing.
It still hurts obviously cause he's still my father
but if he's not gonna love me a hundred percent
don't love me at all. And that's how I see it.
- Similar to you, I had kind of a
rocky relationship with my dad.
He was very angry when I came out
and now he's at a place where he has told me like
I accept that you're gay and I accept that
you're gonna be with a woman.
He's like, I just had a, a vision
of what your life was gonna pan out to be
And, and you kind of just threw that off.
He tells me he accepts me, but it's just gonna take time
for him to acclimate to being around my partner.
My dad is also like terminally ill
so I'd rather not carry like anger through the remainder
of years that he has left with him
and just kind of like acknowledge that at least he's
he's trying to make an effort to love me for me.
- I also haven't, I haven't spoken
to my father this year will mark five years
and when I came out as trans, my attraction to women
my father had a problem with it at that point.
I guess it confused him.
And to this day that is an expectation
that trans women should, are
are only attracted to men.
And that's not the case.
I'll, I'll say now I miss my dad.
I love him.
I tried.
It's done.
- I feel bad saying, I mean everyone has such like a hard.
I was, I was been very blessed.
My family's very accepting.
They've always, they've always knew.
So when I came out they're like, okay, very lucky.
But I feel so bad saying that up. I'm like-
- We love that. - (contestants applauding)
- What do you mean, like, we love you.
- I'm like, I'm gonna stay quiet.
- You feel safe around your parents,
which is what a lot of people don't have.
And hopefully you're gonna carry that onto your kids
if you decide to have any.
- (laughing)
- But hopefully like,
you'll get to share that with other people.
So don't feel bad.
I mean, it's a good thing. We're happy for you.
- (contestants murmuring agreeingly)
- It's a blessing.
- Yeah definitely, definitely.
- [Announcer] This is a wrap.
Y'all did amazing. (light clapping)
You did so good, give yourselves a round of applause.
(contestants applauding) You did great.
(thoughtful music playing)