oh okay okay that is so true you guys have got me fully sussed I'll tell you
that no I feel like all my friends would say categorically no hello ello I'm back
it's been a while since I've sat down and filmed a video like this I hope you
have been enjoying studio vlogs for now I have seen so many of these videos
going round so we're going to do an assumptions video and not gonna lie
I was terrified asking for this question on my Instagram if you don't
follow my Instagram make sure you do because then you can get involved in any
sort of interactive parts of my videos but I am NOT mortified by what I have
been sent most of them are actually really nice I think that says a lot for
the community that I've kind of grown on Instagram and on here obviously so it's
been really really nice there are some that are very true without further ado
let's get juicy shall we you don't really have many friends that
you've stayed in touch with except Jade okay so I definitely don't have many
friends I think that's like a subconscious choice of my own because I
was burned a lot in the past with old friendship groups so I've sort of made
sure that I've got a close-knit group I'm really bad at keeping in touch with
people I will take my hat off to that take my hat off admit it whatever um but I do
actually have a group of friends that I've kept in touch with I keep in touch
with pretty much all of the people I spoke to in third year of uni all the
people who used to come out with us on the nights out I saw them in Lincoln a
couple of weeks ago I've seen them more over the past three months than I have
in the past two years since I left uni and so yeah I still keep in touch with
my friends I just don't vlog with them because I don't really vlog like my
day-to-day life anymore I vlog more I'm basically I'm trying to keep things
separate so I still am in touch with my pals I'm doing weekly zoom quizzes with
them with all the uni lot and it's been really nice so I don't have many friends
correct but the ones I do have I have been keeping in touch with and you
really try to see the best in people I it goes both ways
once I've warmed up to you I'm generally gonna think like nothing else I'm just
gonna treat you as you treat me see the best in you but once you kind of cross
my level of trust or I lose a little bit of respect I am like I'm never gonna go
back to 100 I'm always always gonna remember what you did that made me think
that which I don't know I suppose forgive and forget is a thing but I find
it really hard to do stuff like that unless you like really make me believe
that you have like made up for what happened or whatever but yeah I like to
see the best in people and I think a lot of the time that has been the reason why
a lot of friendships haven't worked out because I'm a bit of a pushover
sometimes and although I am very selective from my friends there have
been instances where my friends have treated me like rubbish and I let it
happen and I don't really see it happening so my lipstick is
going really weird this is why I don't get ready like has anyone actually been
getting ready during quarantine because I had a bit of a phase and now I've
spent the last 4 days with no makeup on now I have it on and I hate it you say
you don't give an F what people think what you really do me too honey I do I
feel like everyone gives a crap at some point some level but also
at the same time I'm getting so good at just being like whatever your opinion
isn't important to me I give a lot of craps about the people I care about what
they think about me I'd much rather you know like if my friends said I'd done
something awful I would never be able to forgive myself for it but if a stranger
on the internet decides to tell me that they don't like x y&z about me goodbye I
don't need you in my life probably gonna mute you to be fair I don't think I've
ever said I don't care cuz I do but I don't care as much as I used to but it
still gets to me obviously if someone hits like says something that proper
hits a nerve I'm gonna be like ouch until I watched your videos I thought
you were ruthless when you ghosted me you're shy meeting new people I
definitely am I'm very socially awkward I'll either go one way or the
other I would be like overly friendly and to the point of being probably
annoying and then I go home and over think it or I'm really shy and I
don't really get involved in the conversation it generally depends on
do you know if there's like that dominant person in the conversation that's quite loud
and like takes over then I'll let them but if they're like everyone in the
group is quiet and like a bit shy and the conversations awkward I sort of take
it upon myself to be the loud one so it depends on the situation but yeah I am
quite shy I hate like the few events I've been to I hate networking I need to
go with like a confident friend who will just like go up to people hi how are
you and once I've like got past the initial hi how are you what do you do
what's your name etc I'm all right I can talk to you for a while but it's the
initial like social situation I do not like that at all
you're an angel the exact same on and off-camera met you last year so I know it's
true Oh see you you guys were so nice I just wanted to say that you're amazing
I'm okay I'm like partly reading this to make myself feel better because I've
been having a tough time as we all have and it just blows my mind that people
actually think this about me because I am that kind of person that like just
thinks everyone hates me all the time oh okay okay
you dumped your ex before your previous ex because he was too boring that was
not the reason but in hindsight I now know what I do not want let's say that
shall we moving on you're very comfortable being yourself which is
something we all need to do more of do you know what I am very good at like
being body-positive and I'll post and I've posted photos
of like cellulite and stuff but I really do struggle with my own body image as
well and I think I am a lot more body positive and confident online because I
know I have control over how it's seen to a certain extent like I'll upload
photos of my cellulite whereas previously I probably would have like
edited it out or taken another photo but I'm also still not gonna put a photo out
that makes me feel like rubbish so I like that I have that little bit of
control and it's the same in my videos I guess you know
people used to pick up my vlog camera and vlog for me or get bad angles of me
I didn't mind that because I know at the end of the day the camera comes back to
me I have the control and I can edit out the bits that I don't want people to see
whereas like if I'm in a situation like for example being in a bikini or
something or in the garden I've got so used to wearing like long-sleeve shirts
again so I'm getting really conscious of my arms and my back because I do get
acne and stuff on my arms and my shoulders and that's a really big source
of like a lot of my insecurities and when I get anxious I pick my skin so it
doesn't help so although I am comfortable in myself to a certain
extent it's still a work in progress I'm getting a lot better with sharing ideas
not ideas like sharing my thoughts I'm okay with saying it but I'm not
necessarily at the stage of being okay with showing it so I like that I can
like embrace things I want to at my pace and I have control over it you would
like to try working for a company even though you like working from home that
is so true right now honestly in my head right now I think I was thinking this
before lockdown if you follow me on Instagram your might have seen stuff
about this on my stories I feel like I've mentioned it but basically I I'm
just getting really bored being at home by myself all the time and I feel like
I've got to that stage in my life which I do every so often I need a new
challenge and although I can set my own challenges obviously the nature of my
job and although I love my job and I'm earning money and it's fine and I very
happy with my situation I just need something else I'm very much the person
that needs a new challenge so I'm thinking maybe get a part-time job I
don't want to just get a part-time job that doesn't like stimulate me like I
could happily go and get a job in Tesco or I don't know like in a shop a
clothing store when they all open but I want something that's gonna challenge me
like I know obviously that would be challenging in different ways but I want
something that would challenge like my skill set like my design skills and all
that so hopefully I can look for like a part-time design job or creative job
or social media jobs something that involves me having to go to a place of
work so many days a week me I'm toying with the idea of getting a
full-time job but I know that's what I've never ever wanted and I feel like
maybe the isolations just driving me insane a little bit because I feel like
I'm gonna hate that as soon as I do it so yeah I don't think I'm gonna get a
full-time one but I'm not gonna lie it has crossed my mind so yeah I definitely
do want to try working for a company I feel like it's something I need to do
to like develop my own skills and get a new base of friends get a new career going
path going I don't know you feel the need to justify to your audience why
you're not working and then in brackets it says you shouldn't I do I am my own
worst critic and I am a huge workaholic and that was one of the assumptions as
well a workaholic I am I am indeed but I am also on the flip flop flip
the flip side very lazy honestly it's one or the other there's no
in-between you are a messy drunk when I go out to get drunk drunk when I'm in
the mood I am a messy drunk I have been in the past but I don't get drunk very
often I don't really have a reason to I don't really drink socially like I don't
really drink just to have a drink if I'm gonna drink I'm gonna go I'm gonna go to
town and I miss the Uni nights out when we got very messy embarrassing but messy
you regret sharing your past relationships online um no that's a
tricky one so my most recent relationship
I very much kept quite separate I didn't separate it completely like he wasn't a
secret because it's just too exciting like I in the moment I'm so happy I want
to shout about it to the world it's fun I want to share him I'm having a great
time so I don't regret sharing it because at the time it was right looking
back it is awkward like I am that person I will go down my social media and I
will delete you from it that's just gonna happen and yeah I just find it
weird so yes when I've broken up with people before I'll literally go down and find it
really awkward and I don't regret it I think my first relationship when I was
at uni I regret sharing too much of because there were situations like we'd
had an argument and then I was vlogging that day so I still had to vlog
it just puts you in a weird situation but I've learned from it so I don't really
regret it oh well and you're in no rush to move
out you want to save money yeah there is no more answer to that other than yeah
definitely you tend to overwork yourself and not know when to take a break you
guys have got me fully sussed I'll tell you that you're worried about whether
freelance will work in the long run yes I feel like every freelancer is but yeah
you're actually such an amazing person with such a kind personality I can
definitely be a bit of a bitch I I think my spirit animal is actually a cat and I
don't really like cats I don't hate them but I prefer dogs I think my spirit
animal animal is a cat you know when they like
want attention when they want it and if it's not on their grounds they don't
like it and they're a bit sassy that's me so I like to try and be a nice person
I'll make conscious efforts to like send my friends little note cards checking on
them but I also am unintentionally a bit of a bitch sometimes but I'm okay
with that that's just me okay let's do a couple more let's try and find some good
ones uni was the best decision you made I'm really interested in I'm weighing up
uni or just working uni was incredible I was very hesitant to hesitant to go to
uni but although it had many ups and downs and so many times where I just
wanted to come home the experience is something I could never like compare
anything else to I loved it so much I would go back and start again tomorrow
you hardly get stuck with the design process that is not true I have done
many a brief where I can't seem to get anywhere with it and I spend days
staring at it I'll create something I'll delete it I'll create something kind of
like it wake up the next day hate it start again it's a lot I just seem to
chop out those bits because no one needs to see me having a crisis you and your
mum are really close like she's your bestest pal she is she is my bestest pal
so is my dad we've all got really close we were really close anyway but we've
got even closer during quarantine it's been so nice just to like chill with
them both really make a connection we've been playing badminton in the
garden and we've like I don't know I love them a lot you are actually a party
animal okay no I feel like all my friends would say categorically no
unless I'm in the mood when I'm in the mood and when I've decided tonight's the
night to have a party I am the queen of getting everyone drunk and making sure
everyone's having a good time I'll talk to everyone I'll be probably be very
annoying I'll get the Prosecco pong out our Uni nights out used to be
incredible me and Matty used to make mojitos so good but on the flip side
there was some nights when they all went out and I didn't and I stayed at home
because I'd rather be at home in my pajamas so I'm most definitely not a
party animal I'm a selective party animal okay and the last one I've been
babbling way too long in this video but I'm very much enjoying reading these by
the way thank you for being so kind everyone honestly I was expecting it to
be Savage and I asked you to be Savage either the people that want to be Savage
didn't want to do it or I am just an angel please don't think is me being
genuine when I just said that okay last one you give a lot of time and energy to
others but don't always get the same back that is true I have I feel like
everyone's done that when you give someone your everything or give someone
a lot and they kind of give half back it's bit like oh and I'm such a trier
like I'll just try again and then it takes me a while to get the hint
so it stings because I'm like but I've done all this and I want to be friends
and I like to think that I am a nice friend so why can't you be a nice friend
but that's not how it works so yeah that's happened but that is life
I know who my true pals are and I'm very thankful for them thankful for my family
I'm thankful for the situation I'm in right now thank you to everyone who's
working so hard during all this you're doing amazing and don't worry if you are
like me and doing very little because that's all you can muster the strength
for at the moment I understand but yeah I hope you've enjoyed it this video
hopefully it distracted you for 20 minutes this is gonna be long one thank you
very much and I'll see you on Wednesday for another little studio vlog