Hi, my name is Stephanie, and today I want to talk to you about why I'm so open about
being autistic.
A lot of autistic people are hesitant to share about their diagnosis for a variety of reasons.
Because sometimes people can respond in weird ways.
So, some people might be afraid of being told things like, "you don't look autistic," or,
maybe, "you made that up!" or that the doctor's incompetent ... things like that.
Or ... even people starting to treat you like a baby.
So, these sorts of things can be really frustrating for someone, and some people are even embarrassed
of being autistic.
They feel like it makes them stupid or seem, like, broken or just less than other people.
And, so, they're very hesitant to share that information with people.
So, why am I so open about being autistic?
Well, I think there's a variety of reasons.
One of those is that it really opens the door for people to be more accepting because when
I let someone know that I am autistic and I do different things.
You might see me do something called "stimming."
... They might not comment or feel so weird about you stimming in front of them.
For example, ... me rocking back and forth when I'm standing to almost a 90 degree angle
down and coming back up might be kind of weird.
And I have gotten comments from people who didn't know that I was autistic and they're
like, hahaha... what are you doing?
Are you trying to do some sort of joke?
Like, they don't understand what you're doing, why you're doing it and if you don't have
a "reason" to do it, then you're more likely to get, maybe, comments, and maybe even ignorance
because they just don't know.
And that's not typical behavior for a neurotypical person.
So, letting people know beforehand, before it becomes like, an awkward situation, for
me, just tends to make it less embarrassing.
Just so far, in my experience.
Another reason is that I've spent a lot of my life being ashamed of who I am.
I felt like a failure because I didn't meet that standard of being a neurotypical.
I didn't know that I was trying to meet a standard that I wasn't made for.
I mean, sure, I was smart and I seemed to really get and understand things that, maybe,
other people didn't naturally, but, when it came to, like, everything else, I felt broken
in comparison.
Now that I know that I'm autistic, I can stop hating myself for those differences and stop
trying to meet that impossible standard.
I don't have to act like I'm someone else or try to be somebody else.
I can just be me and not wonder why am I broken?
Why am I not just like everybody else?
I'm me, and I'm going to accept that and be okay with that.
I mean, it's not an overnight thing.
It's definitely a process and there are definitely still times that I apologize for existing,
but I'm working on it.
I'm working on being okay with who I am instead of trying to push that person down and hide
them.
I remember when I was younger, I would even hide my intelligence.
I took, you know, I was in the talented and creative, gifted, kids kind of classes and
programs and stuff like that.
But I sometimes would intentionally act dumb in situations or act a little less intelligent
to try to facilitate what my ... teachers kind of wanted from me, was that idea of let's
be a team and let's be a group and, you know, don't let people feel left out.
Because I had a habit of, you know, taking over and doing it because I could "see" it.
... And I know that, I think I've made that a habit, really, in my life, is to press down
who I am to make other people feel better about themselves.
But, over time, I feel like I've begun to lose that person.
I've begun to believe that I'm not as smart as I am because I've been so busy trying to
convince everyone else that I'm as normal and as much like them and to give them a way
to feel better about themselves or to be able to have their moment to shine or whatever.
But that meant that a lot of times, I would hide who I was because I didn't want to stand
out.
And now that I'm older, I actually probably am not as good as I was at masking.
Probably because I'm not forced in constant social situations.
And I stand out whether I like it or not.
And I can either be like, oh, no, people are gonna see me stim!
Or I can just be like, yeah, I stim.
I'm autistic.
Wow.
You know, ... too bad?
For you?
I'm an intelligent person and I'm very different and I process information differently than
you do and that's okay.
Like, you have your strengths; I have my strengths.
We're different, but we're like, not, unequal.
If that makes sense.
Then there's this.
YouTube.
Not only have I found a way to connect to people as I've probably often mentioned, I
feel like I'm actually helping people.
And if I hide that I'm autistic, if I'm ashamed of who I am, I feel like I will completely
lose out on being able to help other people.
And that's not even just here on YouTube.
I do have a lot of shirts to do with autism because I kind of do want people to sometimes
notice that it says autism or #actuallyautistic because it's okay for me to be autistic.
And I want other people who are autistic to be able to see that there is someone out there
who's like them and is okay with it and is alive and happy and living their life, doing
their thing.
And that they're not ashamed or having to hide who they are or feeling broken and messed
up and less than.
I want, you know, especially, I don't know why, I have a heart toward the children!
But ... for, like, little kids to be able to look up and see there are adults.
There are grown-ups that are autistic and that's cool.
That's fine.
... I don't know that I'd ever consider myself a cool person, but ... being able to see that
there are grown-ups who are like you and they're not ashamed of it, they're not constantly
trying to hide who they are, trying to become someone different to get along, but are different
and are getting along.
And I think that is a message worth spreading even if I do get weird looks.
... I mean, I've always gotten weird looks.
So... you know?
And then there's, of course, the general public.
And it's nice to kind of throw a little bit of that awareness and acceptance out there
... maybe open up a conversation with someone, even if they don't have any experience with
autism.
They could be like, why does your shirt say actually autistic or oh, why do you have a
shirt that's talking about autism?
Because I think when we're able to talk about it and not treat it like it's a dirty word,
not treat it like it's a terrible condition that people are suffering from, but that it's
just a difference and to be able to talk to people and just have that conversation is
super valuable.
So, there you go.
That is why I am so open about being autistic.
It's me.
And people just kind of have to deal with it, you know?
I hope that you enjoyed this video.
If you did, go ahead and give it a like or thumbs up or whatever you want to call that.
Let me know your thoughts in the comments below.
If you feel comfortable sharing about your autism or if it's something that you're not
really comfortable with - it's totally okay to not be comfortable with it.
I'm just telling you about why I'm comfortable with being open about it.
You don't have to do what I do.
Just, you know, putting that out there.
If you enjoy hearing about autism from me, you might want to hit that subscribe button.
I put out autism related content on this channel every Thursday at 4pm Central Standard Time.
I hope that you're having a wonderful week and see me in my next video.
Bye!