We have a packed show today,
so I wanna get to my first guest right away
because I just got my 2020 ballot sent to me
for local elections, the big one, the President.
I know nothing about politics
so I wanna bring on an expert in politics,
my friend, your friend, Flula Borg.
Flula, hello?
Democracy is good, yes!
Democracy.
Flula can't legally vote-
No.
in this country
because of his German situation, is what we're calling it.
Thank you, yeah, keep it vague.
So this is great.
I have a sticker for when I finish.
I feel good about that.
So let's go through this ballot.
I'm sure if you live in California you have one
that looks similar.
If you live in a different state,
maybe your deadline's passed.
This is your official election guide
presented by Flula Borg.
So the first one on the ballot right here is
Nithya Raman verus David Ryu
for Los Angeles City General Municipal election,
member of the City Council, Fourth District.
Yep.
What should I fill in here?
Well, let me tell you just a little story.
So some backstory, Ramen - Monsieur Ramen (indistinct)-
invented a soup.
The ramen soup? She's in charge of that?
She's in charge.
This feels like (indistinct) an ancient soup,
it's been around for a while.
She seems like a younger woman, but.
It was passed down from the generations, you know, like,
like, like back spasms.
(electrifying music)
So let's go with Los Angeles community college district
member of the board, trustees seat one.
Our options are Tori Bailey, attorney, Tustin.
Yup. Yup. Pause, I will tell you right away,
always select someone that has a nice symbol above a letter.
In Germany we have umlauts. I'm loving those dots peoples.
So if there are dots,
or perhaps a little snippy-snappy above,
this is who you pick.
Okay. So on Tilde alone, we're gonna go-
Well any day. If you're voting, whatever this is,
this is Thursday, Sunday, Tilde, any day,
that's who you select.
(laughs) Okay. This feels like a crime at this point.
This bit feels like we're going into a crime.
(electrifying music)
Judge of the Superior Court- this seems really important.
Office number 80. Our options are David A Burger,
or Clint James.
You Know.
Okay?
You know, just like with Maguire Jerry,
you had me at A Burger.
It's a delicious thing.
Anything that sounds like tasty calories, they win.
My friend, Johannes Sauerkraut, one time ran for
a small District of Education seat,
in Germany. He lost. Why? Nobody eats it.
Okay.
(electrifying music)
This is what I feel like I've been hearing a lot
in the news. A lot of protests. I went to some of these.
District attorney Jackie Lacey versus George Gascón.
I can tell you why there is an issue.
Lacey is running for the first time
without her partner Cagney.
And so it's was a problem. If it was Cagney and Lacey,
everyone would be like, "Yay, great, wonderful times."
But because Cagney is now-
I don't understand what Cagney is doing.
I think running a fish store or something.
So this is the issue, it's because Cagney is not available.
So she's running at like 50% power, essentially.
Just doesn't have- Lacey and Cagney, Okay.
No it's Cagney and Lacey, it's Cagney and Lacey, Moses.
It's Ca- it's Cagney and Lacey.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, that seems like an outdated reference
for a comedy duo that I do not know.
Oh, Google it!
Wow. One of the hottest comebacks of 2009 was Google.
Google that.
(electrifying music)
State measure 17, we're getting onto measures,
we're getting onto the props.
Oh measure twice, not once.
"Restores the right to vote after completion of a
prison term."
This is an issue?.
So you could vote.
Yeah.
Yeah you went to prison, your paid your dues,
let them vote assholes.
(electrifying music)
Measure 19, changes to certain property tax rules.
Oh I like that, so vague, Moses.
You a property owner?
Yes, I just recently purchased three nightclubs,
very cheap, during the pandemic.
So, oh, this is about this? Yes.
I would like to raise all of these taxes.
No one is attending my nightclubs currently.
I'm (indistinct) hardcore, no one is here,
I would like to punish people for not coming to my
nightclub. So, yes.
You purchased three nightclubs
during a global pandemic lockdown?
Yes. I purchased the one behind the (indistinct),
you know Hotsy Totsy's?
Uh yeah, where do you think I got my lip ring?
Hello! And also ABCDEFP's also I purchased,
Just down the- you know down the street from the PF Chang's
on The Promenade. And then I purchansed just
a whole basement. It's a garden apartment,
it was a techno studio, and now it's mine.
So yes, you wanna tax anyone that comes into your club?
And doesn't come.
(electrifying music)
Now we have the big one coming up. I think,
I think I'm gonna need some help with this.
I need some help with my life at this point.
So I'm gonna bring on my next guest
if you stick around for a second.
You know her from Sona Fixes Your Life.
And I think she could fix a lot right now.
Please welcome, trusty assistant, Sona Movsesian.
Sona do we have you?
She is in a pitch black room now.
Ah! There I am.
You've lost power.
Sona!
Sona's live.
Hi.
Pew, pew, pew, pew.
From Sona Fixes Your life, Sona,
we're going through this ballot and I need your help,
and Flula's help. We have the big one coming up.
Okay.
This is the official California ballot.
These are our presidential options.
We of course have Biden and Harris, Trump and Pence.
We have Roque Rocky, and I guess,
vice president, Kanye.
Oh!
Which I didn't- did you know he was stepped down
to vice president?
I didn't know that. I thought he was still President.
Right. Well, according to this ballot, it's,
he's running as the vice president.
So I think even he's trying to distance himself
from this campaign.
Maybe he realized he's not qualified enough for
President and he's like,
"I am qualified enough for vice president."
Ya.
I think that was a smart choice.
So quote, "Rocky is more qualified."
His name is, "Rocky."?
Is that a human?
Is Rocky a human or is it like a coloring book? What is it?
I have literally never heard, outside of the (indistinct),
never heard of this human being.
(laughs)
Would you vote for Rocky? (laughs)
Cause like- keep in mind
the vice president is not really gonna do a lot.
Do you think you think Rocky is trusty Sona?
You know what, I haven't seen my ballot yet.
Don't they have little descriptions underneath
each candidate? Or am I making that up?
It just says, "For President." I mean,
under the local ones, it says like, yeah, "A liberal,
progressive, educator, entrepreneur."
Under President, it's just like,
"This guy's 35 and he'll do it."
(laughs) Okay.
The bar could not be lower on the presidential one.
Yeah. Yeah, you know what?
This is, the presidential race- is there more? Is that it?
Well then there's Howie Hawkins. It sounds made up.
It sounds like the name you give out when you're lying
at restaurant.
Yeah.
Howie Hawkins with Angela Nicole Walker,
and then Joe Jorgensen, that also sounds fake.
and then Jeremy Spike Cohen.
Wow.
I knew a guy on my birthright trip, Jeremy Cohen.
I think he's trying to go by Spike now.
Yeah.
This is a really tough one. I don't know about you guys,
but I think that this might be the most difficult President
to choose ever.
Ever.
It's never been clear, like this has never been more vague,
who to select?
Flu, what do you think?
I would suggest- ya, ya if you can write somebody in,
I would suggest you Michael Dukakis.
Yeah, he got a raw steal in 1988. Was up very, very high
and then what happened? I don't know.
And then boom, poof, disappears, rides a tank and he's gone.
Michael Dukakis. Sona are you familiar
with Michael Dukakis? I think it's
a little before our time, we're in our 50s.
Yeah. Michael Duka- I mean I've, I've heard of him.
Well, everything is tape delay in Germany.
So I cherd about Michael Dukakis in 2018,
was kind of a new- he like had a nice little,
"Whoa, he's famous, watch out, watch out.
It's Michael Dukakakakakakakis."
It's usually not good when someone's famous. And they say,
"Watch out, watch out."
That historically has not been great. (laughs)
"Michael Dukakis? Watch out."
It hasn't, you're right. Now that I realize,
the German man with an accent screaming this,
bad idea.
(laughs) "Watch out, watch out." It's not just like
watch out, it's two.
Which means like, he's like just cars backing into you,
as he sexually harasses you.
Alright, so I'm gonna write down Michael Dukakis, I guess.
I don't know. I personally
like to choose the candidate with the best teeth.
I may pick out Biden just for oral hygiene,
and literally nothing else. There's no other reason-
No other reason?
I would ever choose him over anybody else.
It's gotta be Biden. Yeah. Biden's teeth,
it was like when you have your printer
and it runs out of black ink,
and just like the white comes out,
it's like 60% of his face. It's just those,
those big old gams.
(laughter)
So we finished the ballot.
Sona you've yet to receive your ballot.
Do you know what to do with your ballot?
I think Flula knows.
Step one, find a local creek or river bed.
Throw this into the river bed.
So we'll throw these in a river when we get them.
And then they flow down to your local election hall.
Yeah. And then everyone at the election day,
they scoop the river. Like, it's like
they're panning for gold, except they're
panning for ballots. So just hope they find your ballot
as they go streaming down directly into Baja.
(knocking on door)
Actually, someone's knocking on the door.
It sounds like ICE. Let me, let me see.
Maybe it's- oh.
No, Flula, no, don't don't answer.
Flula don't, don't answer. You don't have to answer.
If anyone's watching you don't have to answer for- I.
Okay, he's gone.
I told them guys. I told them
no German would own a trombone, ha ha ha, yes.
That old ICE trick.
Oh, I got it. Yay. Good luck guys, try next door, ya.
Wait. So did you answer-
you answered the door with the trombone
and they were like, "Wrong address."?
I open the door always,
and I just go (trombone blowing),
and as soon as you do this, everyone's like,
"Oh, harmless, harmless. Stay, stay."
And you have tips for people maybe to not try that,
if ICE delivers the door.
Don't go to the door with a trombone.
You know what Fluls?
I wrote down the parts of the beginning
that made me laugh.
The Ramen family, how it was-
cause her family invented ramen, that killed me.
And you opened three nightclubs during a pandemic.
Not one, not two, three.
Yeah.
Yes. All good things come in threes.
And also all tragedies. You don't know until you try, so.
It's true.
Wow.
It's sound business advice.
That sounds, yeah. (laughs)
It sounds like a truth, based on no information.
Yeah.
Three nightclubs. I mean we have a place to go.
We have at least have a shelter.
Yes. Oh yeah. You guys can sleep
and I will play some nice tasty reggaeton.
(giggling)
My God, the quarantine's really hit you hard
when you start playing reggaeton.
Oh Moses, you don't know what you missing boy.
Flula Borg everyone, with your official guide
to the 2020 California ballot.
Thank you so much Flula, you gave us a lot to go on.
You are so welcome Moses. Bye-bye Sona, you are great.
Bye Fluls. That was fun. This was fun.
Yeah.
It's fun that we're all definitely on a watch list now,
for sure
I might need a new ballot.
I think I'm just gonna vote in person.
I'm just gonna do it.
You're going to brave it?
Yeah. I think I'm just too nervous, but I mean,
I don't have any reason to be.
You could just drop it off at a polling place,
and you could track it, but I'm just like, too scared.
What about after the election? Are you worried at all?
Like whatever the results are,
some people are gonna be a little unhappy.
Yeah.
Is there any part of you that's like,
"Maybe I'll get out of a major city.
I'll get out of Los Angeles."?
I didn't think about that until right now.
So thanks for putting that idea into my head.