so we were sore we were burned up on our grudge list we set opposite each name our
injuries was it our self-esteem our security our ambitions our personal or sex relations
which had been interfered with we were usually as definite as this example I resentful at mr.
Brown because his attention to my wife affects my sex relations self-esteem fear the COS told
my wife of my mistress affects my sex relations self-esteem fear because Brown may get my job at
the office affects my security self-esteem fear I resentful of mrs. Jones because she's a nut she
snubbed me she committed her husband for drinking he's my friend she's a gossip affects my personal
relationship self-esteem fear I'm resentful at my employer the cause unreasonable unjust
overbearing threatens to fire me for drinking and patting my expense account affects my self-esteem
fear security I'm resentful at my wife because misunderstands and nags likes Brown once housed
put in her name affects my pride personal sex relations security fear we went back through our
lives nothing counted but thoroughness and honesty when we were finished we considered it carefully
the first thing apparent was that this world and his people were often quite wrong to conclude that
others were wrong was as far as most of us ever got the usual outcome was that people continue
to wronged us and we stayed sore sometimes it was remorse and then we were sword ourselves but the
more we fought and tried to have our own way the worst matters got as in war the victor only seemed
to win our moments of triumph were short-lived it is plain that a life which includes deep
resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness to the precise extent that we permit these do we
squander the hours that might have been worthwhile but with the alcoholic whose hope is the
maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience this business of resentment is infinitely grave
we found that it is fatal for when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the
sunlight of the spirit the insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again and with us to drink
is to die if we were to live we had to be free of anger the grouch and the brainstorm were not
for us they may be the dubious luxury of normal men but for alcoholics these things are poison
we turned back to the list for it held the key to the future we were prepared to look at it from an
entirely different angle we began to see that the world and his people really dominated us in that
state the wrongdoing of others fancied or real had power to actually kill how could we escape we saw
that these resentments must be mastered but how we could not wish them away any more than alcohol
this was our course we realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick but
we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us they like ourselves were sick too we
asked God to help us show them the same tolerance pity and patience that we would cheerfully grant
a sick friend when a person offended we said to ourselves this is a sick man how can I be helpful
to him God saved me from being angry thy will be done we avoid retaliation or argument we wouldn't
treat sick people that way if we do we destroy our chance of being helpful we cannot be helpful
to all people but at least God will show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each and every
one referring to our list again putting out of our minds the wrongs others had done we resolutely
looked for our own mistakes where had we been selfish dishonest self seeking and frightened
though a situation had not been entirely our fault we tried to disregard the other person involved
entirely where were we to blame the inventory was ours not the other man's when we saw our
faults we listed them we placed them before us in black and white we admitted our wrongs
honestly and were willing to set these matters straight notice that the word fear is bracketed
alongside the difficulties with mr. brown mrs. Jones the employer and the wife this short word
somehow touches about every aspect of our lives it was an evil and corroding thread the fabric
of our existence was shot through with it it set in motion trains of circumstances which brought
us misfortune we felt we didn't deserve but did not we ourselves set the ball rolling sometimes
we think fear ought to be classed with stealing it seems to cause more trouble we reviewed our fears
thoroughly we put them on paper even though we had no resentment in connection with them
we asked ourselves why we had them wasn't it because self-reliance failed us self-reliance
was good as far as it went but it didn't go far enough some of us once had great self-confidence
but it didn't fully solve the fear problem or any other when it made us cocky it was worse perhaps
there is a better way we think so for we are now on a different basis the basis of trusting and
relying upon god we trust infinite God rather than our finite selves we are in the world to play the
role he assigns just to the extent that we do as we think he would have us and humbly rely on him
does he enable us to match calamity with serenity we never apologize to anyone for depending upon
our Creator we can laugh at those who think spirituality the way of weakness paradoxically
it is the way of strength the verdict of the ages is that faith means courage all men of faith have
courage they trust their God we never apologize for God instead we let him demonstrate through us
what he can do we ask him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what he would have us be
at once we commence to outgrow fear now about sex many of us needed an overhauling there but above
all we tried to be sensible on this question it's so easy to get way off the track here we
find human opinions running to extremes absurd extremes perhaps one set of voices cried that
sex is a lust of our lower nature a base necessity of procreation then we have the voices who cry for
sex and more sex who bewail the institution of marriage who think that most of the troubles of
the race are traceable sex causes they think we do not have enough of it or that it isn't the right
kind they say its significance everywhere one school would allow man no flavor for his fare and
the other would have us all on a straight peppered diet we want to stay out of this controversy we do
not want to be the arbiter of any one sex conduct we all have sex problems would hardly be human if
we didn't what can we do about them we reviewed our own conduct over the years past where had
we been selfish dishonest or inconsiderate whom had we hurt did we unjustifiably aroused jealousy
suspicion or bitterness where were we at fault what should we have done instead we got this all
down on paper and looked at it in this way we tried to shape a sane and sound ideal for our
future sex life we subjected each relation to this test was it selfish or not we asked God
to mold our ideals and help us to live up to them we remembered always that our sex powers
were god-given and therefore good neither to be used likely or selfishly nor to be despised and
loathed whatever our ideal turns out to be we must be willing to grow toward it we must be willing
to make amends where we have done harm provided that we do not bring about still more harm and
so doing in other words we treat sex as we would any other problem in meditation we ask God what
we should do about each specific matter the right answer will come if we want it God alone can judge
our sex situation counsel with persons is often desirable but we let God be the final judge we
realized that some people are as fanatical about sex as others or loose we avoid history thinking
or advice suppose we fall short of the chosen ideal and stumble does this mean we are going
to get drunk some people tell us so but this is only a half-truth it depends on us and on our
motives if we are sorry for what we have done and have the honest desire to let God take us
to better things we believe we will be forgiven and we'll have learned our lesson if we are not
sorry and our conduct continues to harm others we are quite sure to drink we are not theorizing
these are effects out of our experience to sum up about sex we earnestly pray for the right ideal
for guidance in each questionable situation for sanity and for the strength to do the right thing
if sex is very troublesome we throw ourselves the harder into helping others we think of their needs
and work for them this takes us out of ourselves it quiets the imperious urge when to yield would
mean heartache if we have been thorough about our personal inventory we have written down a
lot we have listed and analyzed our resentments we have begun to comprehend their futility and their
fatality we have commenced to see their terrible destructiveness we have begun to learn tolerance
patience and goodwill toward all men even our enemies for we look on them as sick people we have
listed the people we have hurt by our conduct and are willing to straighten out the past if we can
in this book you read again and again that faith did for us what we could not do for ourselves
we hope you are convinced now that God can remove whatever self will has blocked you off from him if
you have already made a decision at an inventory of your grocer handicaps you have made a good
beginning that being so you have swallowed and digested some big chunks of truth about yourself