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Damon here with NLP gym how to build rapport instantly using matching
and mirroring you haven't already please click subscribe to this YouTube channel
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so what is matching and mirroring matching and mirroring is something that
came out of NLP one of the some of the early techniques that came out of NLP
that Richard Bandler and John Grinder modeled from some of the greatest
therapist who ever lived
what's interesting about this is that today with the advances in neuroscience
neuroscience is actually proving scientifically what it appears have
known since the nineteen seventies
so when you mirror someone which means you look at them and you you you
mirror your posture as if they're looking at their reflection in a mirror
so if they put their hand up like this or if they're resting her chin on their
right and you would rest your chin on your left hand because you would be
sitting opposite of them and they would look like their reflection
that's an example of mirroring there is something called mirror neurons and side
of our brain that when we see someone else doing something we get a sense of
what that feels like
and a good example of this i was watching a movie
it was an action movie i believe it was with brad pitt one of his early movies
and he was the villain and he was squaring off and fighting with someone
that is a big knock-down drag-out fight at the end of movie and he pulls out a
knife and aimed it right at the ribs of the other person and so you knew where
that knife was going to end up and in the way the camera angle work is it
it did this very slow and you knew it was coming so you can prepare for it
and right when the knife slammed into the guys ribs and there was a person
sitting on either side of me watching the movie with me and they both grip and
grab their ribs as if they felt it
that's an example of how mirror neurons work so it gives you the feeling
not entirely but someone of what that feels like this is also how were able to
be sympathetic toward people
I know when I see somebody crying I'm i feel like crying and that's an example
of mirror neurons
so a similar thing is at play when you mirror someone you're building rapport
because report is actually another word for it in this context would be familiar
when a person feels familiar with you they experienced rapport with you how
they experience that is if you're mirroring what they're doing
you're sort of stepping into their world getting a sense of their world and
they're looking at you and seeing what they're actually feeling through the
mirror neurons
so they feel comfortable with you now if you do this in a way where you're trying
to be perfect
they might catch on to what you're doing so you don't want to be so perfect the
other thing the other bad thing about perfection is if you're trying to be
perfect
it means you're putting too much attention on yourself
the tent the attention should be on the other person that's part of what makes
this work
they feel that you're putting a lot of attention on them and that feels good
most people like that unless they have something to hide they're going to enjoy
that attention so putting that much attention on down noticing what they're
doing their posture there breathing that sort of thing and emulating and are
mirroring it will make them feel familiar with you and this is the first
step before you want to lead someone so if its sales if it's coaching our if
your potential date before asking for the phone number if they feel very
familiar with you are asking for the cell or are getting a person to be more
accountable and in your coaching session or to do something that you're going to
move them a threshold
they need to feel comfortable with you they need to feel familiar with you they
need to feel like they can trust you
during is very powerful for that so what is matching matching mirroring is a farm
of matching matching is a little bit broader so if I mirror someone i'm
actually matching them
however so say a person is talking and they're using all these hand gestures
well if you start using these hand gestures and start mirroring them while
you're talking to them they're gonna think that you're just messing with them
and you don't want to do that
however save a person raises there
and like this and they're making gestures as we're talking well if you
raise your hand and scratch your head now you're matching them
so you're not directly mirroring them but you're matching and you can even do
it on the other side so you don't have to directly mirror them
mirroring also would be if i'm watching the person's breathing and i'm a i'm
doing my breathing
similar to theirs the mirroring part would be my chest going up and down with
the same rhythm as there's the matching part comes when it's that I'm matching
the rhythm in another way you can do this is if you tap say your hand to the
rhythm of their breathing or you slow down your your voice like I'm doing and
you make the rhythm of your voice
all your words match their breathing I can be very powerful and it's extremely
covert they'll have no idea what you're doing
so matching is more about taking a rhythm and and and and matching that so
matching is a loser
it's not a more it's not as exact as mirroring an exercise that you can try
is if you're naturally feeling a sense a report with someone which you often will
with friends or with family
take a look at your body parts shirt and notice compared to the other person
you'd be really surprised that i have i do this with my closest friends all the
time but I'm feeling like we're in a good conversation I'll just notice what
our body posture
looks like and i'll compare the two and oftentimes we are in exact sync almost
like we're in and looking at a mirror and the funny thing is people just don't
even notice this
you can watch other people if you're out and about me at the mall at a restaurant
or even a bar notice when you see people who are laughing and talking and having
a good time
notice their body posture and their movements in their gestures they tend to
kind of flow with each other and then they look like mirror opposites of each
other
so give that a try give it a try in different situations and with different
people and see what happens
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andreas the son of stephen Connie ray Andres who are legends in the in the
field of NLP and so very excited to see what mark can do is a author of I think
three books and also a very good coach himself and has been doing a lot of
teaching lately so check that out on our website
also you can see it you can find that on facebook as well take care