my name is frankie d bernardo and i
have a secret
forgive us our trespasses and allow your spirit
to grow within our family amen frankie what do you do if that aaron
pierce boy asked you to play dungeons and dragons again
just say no love you sweetie love you too mom
hi frankie hi sweetie hello ladies how was your audition audition
yes frankie is auditioning for captain von trapp oh
you didn't tell me how exciting but i don't think i got it because eric
miller's such a better singer and he's older
oh but he doesn't have your personality no he is a flatline
i tried talking to him last week after church and he ball put me to sleep after
three words probably just be some nameless nazi well
there's nothing wrong with being a knot so i almost finished that
sentence frankie would you like some coffee cake
oh yes mrs yost thank you wonderful it's my aunt genie's recipe
which ironically calls for real coffee i think i misused
the word ironic lord thank you for this coffee cake
barbara are are you all right yeah i just excuse me it's i think
i think i have a demon oh no
yep it's a demon okay frankie pass me the holy water
oh the lord is my shepherd i shall not want besides summon
jesus christ lord our savior oh false alarm
oh praise the lord praise the lord what was i saying
uh you had just misused the word ironic yeah
he's back the power of christ compels you we summon the lord jesus christ our
savior
welcome to my childhood
so how was everyone's day today
not all at once it was fine fine frankie had an audition today audition i
thought we said he was going to try out for pop corner
and we had to give uh mrs yost a exorcism today
gnarly it was so gnarly she was like spazzing out she's
not crazy gnarly guys and that woman has serious problems
no more than anyone else she has a demon more often than i sneeze
pass this up do you know how crazy this is jamie not now
so we have a demon loose in the house i think you're being a very
irresponsible mother wait there are demons loose in the house
we don't have any demons loose in the house because they don't
exist there is nothing more important than
spiritual well-being of this family and i will not have you talking to me this
way sorry must have been a demon jamie
claudia this is your soul we're talking about
this family is so crazy you will literally believe
anything that anyone says if they just say the word god i mean
you're like fundamentalist baptist or something
obsequious zealot don't you dare call your mother a
baptist
mom i don't want jamie to go to hell
me neither
the lord jesus christ has given me a message to give you
guess you got naughty number three hi frank hi frankie
uh frank i would like to introduce you to our new friend
kathy sweet hello frank hello miss sweet kathy
i've been so warmly welcomed by everyone i feel as if we're all a family
a family united in christ praise the lord praise the lord
oh i'm sorry uh we don't smoke in the house uh frankie has allergies so
of course and he's such a handsome boy frankie what do you say thank you
i am very impressed with him not many young men spend their days
congregating with their mother's friends over boys their own age
his spiritual growth is very important to him
frankie's very precocious that's why we love him
he is the one member of the family that holds the most
holy spirit i doubt that i'm sorry anne the lord jesus christ has given me
a message for you i regret to say but he doesn't see much
of the holy spirit in this house frank the lord jesus christ specifically
has a message for you he does yes
he does not like your shirt huh that was a birthday gift from me
that does not surprise me gloria that shirt is of the devil and he should burn
it it's frogger owls and frogs are the only
two animals in creation that hunt at night are you sure
frankie just go ahead and change your shirt
and burn it you don't need to burn your frogger shirt
he needs to burn it maybe we should throw a sheet over him
gloria it's miss right you gave him the abomination
yes and it's just gloria miss gloria what is that supposed to
mean it means that people address you as miss
because you've never been married before you make it sound as if being unmarried
is a sin i'll have you know jesus christ was
never made and he never did the things you did while being
unmarried i don't have to take this you already have
suffer little children and forbid them not come unto me for as such is the
kingdom of heaven
not that you have to risk bearing bastards with such activity
i see you i see you with your man's thoughts and your man's
pants well i think that we should just start
wrapping things stop talking now anne now gloria are you
here because you love god or because you don't want to go to hell
kathy i think that stop talking now anne now gloria the lord jesus christ has
given me a message for you and that is that you are playing host
to a demon this is crazy i think maybe you got your wires crossed
i'm the one with the demon but nothing compares to what is inside
of gloria
nothing compares
don't tell me that you don't feel it
now tell me do you come here because you love
god or because you fear something inside of you
and you have the holy water pour it on her kathy i'm feeling very uncomfortable
gloria dear are you ready to fight this thing i
don't know what's going on gloria are you ready to fight this thing
the power of christ compels you no
get out help me in the name of the lord jesus
christ i bind you with the word of god and command you evil spirits
come out of gloria i will come out i will cut out
what are you doing come out and help us pray
thank you
we have so much work to do ladies
can demons walk through walls yes they don't exist jessica
i don't know you guys didn't see her they're psychosomatic frankie
she believes she was possessed because she forces herself to believe that
besides only ordained priests can perform exorcisms that's not true
mom does it all the time wait can i kill a demon
yeah dude like with a silver bullet no didn't you ever see the exorcist even
the priests couldn't kill it they can like weaken or keep it away
with holy water or whatever but the only way to kill it was to like
be possessed with it and then jump out the window and then
die
so the lord jesus christ has given me a
message for you and that is he is thrilled with the
spiritual progression of our little congregation
anne has begun the sanctification of her house
mrs yost has pledged to eliminate all secular television and music and you
gloria you i understand
we're witnessing by delivering food to the ill
those men do you know why this plague was created
when the perverts manhood enters the anus of another that friction creates
the hiv virus this is the new flood
this is god's way of cleansing this blight of
wickedness just two days ago i removed a demon
a demon from your soul do you have any idea how lucky you are
do you have any idea how vulnerable you are right now
and you go and do the one thing to usher its return
you say you love this child
but this is the example you put forth
i don't think you should be here anymore no please we will have to consider what
to do with you but for now
let us praise for the cleansing of the abomination
praise jesus
here we are ladies the lemon bars look delicious ann
but we won't be here long enough to enjoy them come again you know
homosexuality is not just a sin it is of the devil
the homosexuals are not just sinners but they are possessed by the demon of
homosexuality i'm aware of that i don't think you are
i'm sorry where did you get that shirt frank
my mom what are you implying kathy how do you expect to kill the beast when you
are feeding it you are letting him be in a musical
oh well this is a school play a shirt has flowers on it
do you have any idea what the lord jesus christ would say about this
what there are some demons that cannot be exercised
this house will never be holy do not contact any of us again
ladies what where are you going barbra gloria where
are you going you you've known my son for years he's not
like that just tell her i'll be praying for you
both you frank what
ladies i'm sorry no i know you're not like them you're like
boy you're not like that
i love you
uh
i am protected by my faith so you are afraid
you cannot enter here i'm protected in here so you are
it's it safe i'm not going anywhere frank
you can stay in there as long
you