Welcome back to my Dark Corner of this Sick World
‘Listen you knuckle heads, this might be something worth seeing’
What’s the least natural way to introduce your movie’s central plot?
‘you guy’s ever heard of snakes turning into people?’
This is Cult of the Cobra
That’s not the snake, I wish it was.
‘Sure it’s funny, unless it’s true’
6 GI’s stationed in India sneak into a temple of snake worshippers
with the sort of covert skills you’d expect of the US military.
Although the cultists are at least a little to blame
as they didn’t notice the jeep parked outside.
'Come on lets go!'
and the doorman just lets them in.
Hmm, more white guys than usual tonight
‘Hey that’s swell’
On their way out the high priest curses them
‘One by One you will die’
Yeah, he sounds Indian.
‘How d’you like it so far?’
Actually, quite a bit,
this first 10 minutes is fast, endearingly silly and very funny,
whether it means to be or not
‘It’s not so funny’
But then there’s the next 70 minutes, which are...
‘Slow and horrible’
I love it when the movie does the work for me
‘Let’s shoot something worth taking home’
And they did, but then they get home and the film lapses into a coma.
‘It might be fun’
and yet it’s not. Despite occasional gems of dialogue...
‘Hey baby, want an egg’
the thrilling murder and romance is anything but
‘Only a snake with a brain could have got into that room last night and singled out that same kid’
To enact the high priest’s promised revenge,
the GI’s have been followed by Lisa Moyer who can turn into a snake.
Must be a bloody tall snake.
And that’s not the only issue, here’s one of the murders.
Can we just freeze that?
Yes, that’s not so much a snake, as a hand.
‘You gotta do better than that.’
I like a snake as a murder weapon, it’s like the Sherlock Holmes story The Speckled Band,
you know, if the snake moved to New York, rented an apartment and fell in love with the man next door
‘I know this sounds ridiculous.’
rather than just killing it’s victims which would be pretty easy.
‘I think you’re making fun of me now’
She spends more time socialising with her victims than killing them!
The problem with using a snake with a brain rather than just a snake,
is that, while in New York, your murder weapon may want to go sight-seeing.
‘We’ve been on the Staton Island Ferry, we climbed the statue of liberty,
'I've shown you wall street and the fish market...’
And it can get away with this because the police coroner is a lazy bastard.
‘We did what you suggested, here’s the autopsy report on Turner and Nardy,
the coroner says death from asphyxiation due to snake venom.’
This is three murders in,
it’s nice he’s got round to establishing cause of death but what was he doing up to now?
‘I don’t know’
I’d like to say the climax recaptures some of the action of the start,
but our hero wields a deadly weapon against which the snake is defenceless.
Tommy, careful!'
Yes, the feather boa. Mongooses never leave home without one.
‘You can laugh if you want to’
If only the other 4 victims had been drag queens they might still be alive.
Hmm, not just a snake that turns into a woman,
but a snake that turns into a woman, an evening gown and some jewellery
‘Let’s just hope this is the end of it’
Seriously, why would anyone make this movie
‘I have a great need of money’
‘I was mixed up and I’d been drinking’
Fair enough. But that doesn’t alter my final opinion
‘I’m sorry I think it’s terrible’
Thanks for watching. Is a snake with a brain the best way to kill someone with an animal?
How would you use an animal as a murder weapon?
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'I'm count on you all to be so gay i won't have time to be nervous.'