[Music] That was probably the most exciting bit of
the video… but if you want to stick around, today I’m going to be talking about how
asexuality affects the way people may perceive you and how you may choose to present yourself,
whether that’s in terms of gender expression, attractiveness (from a societal standpoint),
or style. I thought it would be fun to change things up a bit with this video though, so
I’m going to be um… “modelling” some of the clothes I wear while I talk about this
topic to give you an idea on how I personally present myself.
So, you may be asking yourself what asexuality has to do about appearance. Surely your orientation
doesn’t affect the way you dress or style yourself otherwise. But I think it does, even
if it isn’t necessarily a conscious decision. One way I think your style may be affected
is in how others perceive you. One common thing people may say to ace people is that
they don’t “look asexual”. What that really means is that they didn’t expect
someone who’s ace to be attractive… which is such a horrible thing to say. Just because
you don’t feel sexual attraction and may not want sex, that doesn’t mean you don’t
want to look good, for yourselves or others. I’ve seen two extremes in the ace community.
On one side: aces who dress practically and/or comfortably without thinking of others’
opinions, or even actively wanting to avoid sexual or romantic attention. Or the other
side: aces who go counter to what is expected and dress… “sexily”, I guess?
Which one am I, you ask? Uhhhhh, I probably lean further towards the latter. I’m just
gonna say it, being sexy is fun. If you’ve been watching me flailing around like an idiot,
you’ve probably noticed that some of my clothes are more… ahem… form-fitting.
Part of that is because I work out and I take ages to replace clothes which are too small
for me. But sometimes I do intentionally buy clothes that are more form-fitting. I think
that a lot of men who work out do it because they want to be more sexually attractive.
Obviously, that doesn’t interest me. I mainly do it because I enjoy it and because, yes,
it gives me a sorely-needed confidence boost. There’s nothing wrong with aces wanting
to look sexy, and it doesn’t mean that you aren’t asexual if you do. It’s all subjective
anyway. But other than that, how else may asexuality
affect your appearance and style? How about pride? When you are queer, and are finally
out of the closet, some people love to wear their pride on their sleeve… literally!
This can be a simple thing like a pride badge or jewellery – an ace ring perhaps. But
other people like to go all out and where something unapologetically queer. I tend on
the more subtle side. And that goes of my clothes, honestly. I’m better than I used
to be, but I tend to wear more subdued and darker clothes. I just prefer them. I don’t
know what else to say! And the final point I wanted to touch on was
gender expression. The ace community has a high proportion of people who identify as
non-binary, significantly higher than the general populace. This is pure speculation,
but I think there are a couple of possible reasons for this. One, being in the queer
community allows you to explore other facets of your identity more easily, such as gender.
Also, asexuality doesn’t have the same strong link to gender that other orientations have.
It holds no assumptions on gender, so it may be easier to identify as non-binary if you’re
ace. How about me? Short answer, I’m still cis. While I learnt more about the queer community,
I thought it was important for me to question my own gender identity. I wanted to see if
a non-binary identity may fit me better. In the end, I still always just felt like a man.
But I’m glad I went through that process, because now I’m sure that that’s the right
gender identity for me. And just because I’m not non-binary, that doesn’t mean I have
to conform to masculinity all the time. In fact, this top I’m wearing now is the first
piece of clothing I’ve ever bought from the women’s section. I wanted a crop top
because they seemed like something that would be comfy to wear around the house, and I thought
I’d look cute in it… and I do. So I thought “What the hell? Fabric has no gender.”
And if I weren’t part of the queer community, if I weren’t ace, I don’t think I would
have gotten to the point where I was comfortable wearing clothes designed for women.
To round out this discussion, there are many things that may affect the way you present
yourself, and your orientation is one of them. But being asexual doesn’t mean that you
are totally devoid of any hint of sexuality, and you’re valid as an ace person no matter
how you look. But that is all I had to say today. Do you
think that your asexuality affects the way you present yourself? Has being queer helped
you express yourself more freely? Sound off in the comments below.
If you enjoyed this video, please leave a like. I post videos every Saturday, so if
you want to see more, feel free to subscribe. That is all I had to say today, have a wonderful
day and I'll see you next time!
But before I go, I shall show you my favourite clothing item.