Now I mentioned, up top,
that of course you've got the music career going,
Tenacious D.
Yeah.
And then you got this movie career going.
Yeah.
What do you prefer?
What's your true love?
You're asking me to make Sophie's choice.
(audience laughing)
Have you seen the movie Sophie's Choice?
Yeah, I don't think she was choosing
between being a rockstar--
They're my children, both of them.
And they're equally tremendous.
One of them gives me unlimited wealth.
And the other one gives me tremendous fiery passion.
I won't choose.
That was very brave of you not to choose.
You have a lot of integrity, I think, as a performer.
Thank you, kind sir.
It's Conan.
Conan.
You're doing this movie with Gwyneth Paltrow,
big movie star.
Did you like working with her?
Oh yeah.
You guys have a nice connection there?
She's, you know, she's amazing.
I mean, I was nervous at first
because, you know, she's got a lot of prizes and stuff.
(all laughing)
But then when we got to the set...
Prizes?
Yeah, the Farrelly's, the Farrelly brothers directed
and wrote the picture and they said,
"When Gwyneth gets here, just pretend like
you're the worst actor in the history of the world.
Just go crazy over the top ham and cheese."
And for the rehearsal I was in,
all right that's a good idea, that's gonna be funny.
So, she got there and we started the rehearsal.
I was just like really?
(laughing hysterically)
No.
And then she was kind of sweating a little bit
but she kept on going like a pro
and just doing the lines the way she wanted
and then we got to the end and the Farrelly's were like,
"Cut, ah, amazing.
Jack, you're so good."
And I saw her eyes were darting around like, "What?"
And I said, "No, I'm just kidding.
I'm not gonna do it like that."
She goes, "Oh, thank God.
Let's just do it with the real deal now."
And we did and I did my best acting.
And then she was really scared
and the Farrelly's were like,
"Can you do a little more of the stuff
you did in the first take?"
[Conan] Yeah, right.
But then I relaxed and I cranked out a masterpiece.
(audience laughing)
A lot of people were, thank you.
A lot of people were saying that I'm truly adorable.
Really?
Wow.
Truly adorable, that's what they're saying?
It's not for me to say.
Yeah, yeah.
But life's good for you right now, right?
Yeah.
[Conan] It's gotta be.
Things are moving along at break neck speed.
I mean, the truth is I'm just constantly stressed
because offstage I can't have any peace at all.
Really I'm only relaxed like when I'm out here with you
and it's like Jordan, you know, on the court.
And I felt like--
(audience laughing)
Micheal Jordan's only relaxed when he's with me?
You know what I'm talking about.
Right.
The razzmatazz of the business is insane.
In fact, I got a clip from backstage
just to give you a taste of it.
[Conan] What your life is like right now?
Yeah.
Sure.
From backstage.
Yeah, let's show this.
In my dressing room.
Fine, whatever.
Bottom line is you gotta do this movie.
No, I never said I would do it.
You made a commitment.
I made, there was no commitment.
What are you talking about?
You shook the guy's hand and gave him a power handshake.
No.
You gotta do the movie.
No, no.
I never squeezed, okay.
I gave him a limp hand, he squeezed.
No commitment.
All right, fine, whatever.
Bottom line is, you gotta do three movies.
You gotta do Poops McGee One, Two, and Three.
You're the lead, you're Poops McGee.
No, I'm not Poops McGee.
Sure you're.
(Jack Black screaming)
Flash bombs, flash drops, flash drops.
All right guys.
Excuse me Mr. Black, hi, your visitor is here.
Yeah, just a second.
Listen you tell them there's no handshake.
Little Timmy wants your autograph.
Just a second, I'm dealing with something.
Okay? Now you tell them.
He wants your autograph as agreed.
No!
Ah!
Get outta here!
Get away from me!
You are not in my little world.
If I don't get anything from you,
I don't talk to you, now go!
You're disgusting.
Monster!
What?
They think I'm a monster.
A monster.
(crying)
A monster.
(audience laughing and clapping)
Why?
No!
A monster, it's true.
(knocking)
Mr. Black?
You're on now.
Let's rock.
(audience cheering)
Wow!
That was riveting.
That's just a taste Connor.
Just a taste of what it's like.
The world that we live in, you and I.
The non-stop razzmatazz.
Please don't start crying again.
I shan't.
That was too horrifying.
You're making good money now.
You're making the big scratch that's what the kids call it.
How do you know, it's true.
Oh come on you're making movies with Gwyneth Paltrow.
I don't think that everybody knows it though
because then it's like, you ever see the movie Ransom?
[Conan] Yeah.
They'll smuggle me and they won't,
they'll get the money, and they won't give me back alive.
Chop off my head and stuff me in a hole.
That's a pleasant thought.
I mean, basically my life is the same,
except I live in the same shack
but I build a big wall around it.
And I bought a robot to protect me.
I had it designed.
[Conan] You had a robot designed?
It's a human-shaped robot.
I designed it after Shaq O'Neil.
And he has laser vision and.
No one's buying it.
(crowd laughing)
You're just lying to me now.
It's true.
It's all true.
You know it's you, last time you were here
which was just a couple of weeks ago.
Yeah, it's not been long enough.
It's not been long enough.
You were here with your partner Kyle.
Yeah.
And you guys sang a number.
Yeah.
And I was thinking, you know as happy as I am to see you,
it's too bad he's not here because then you guys
could do a number for us.
I could break off a solo.
Do you want?
(crowd cheering)
I do a really good Seal.
You do a what?
Seal.
You do Seal?
♪ There's so much a man can tell you ♪
♪ So much he can say ♪
♪ You remain my power my pleasure my pain ♪
♪ Baby ♪
(crowd cheering)
[Conan] Wow!
I'll stop there.
♪ To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny ♪
♪ Won't you tell me baby ♪
Let's stop there.
That's really it.
(crowd cheering)
Wow, it's, Seal doesn't do all that though.
No.
Seal would be a bigger star if he acted out
the way you do.
It's true.
Maybe we can work together.
He'll be my new partner.
No, Cage shreds.
I shouldn't have even busted out that without Cage.
Yeah, you did the right thing though.
Well Shallow Hal opens this Friday.
It's gonna be a big movie.
You and Gwyneth Paltrow, you've arrived my friend.
Thank you kind sir.
Thank you very much for being here too.
Thank you.
Always nice to have you here.
Jack Black.