welcome to my third annual goals and wishes video!
I made one a few months into my youtube journey
from January 2017
and then another one January 2018
reacting to the first one
so today I'm reacting to my reacting with video!
And we're going to see what I managed to achieve in 2018
And what I'm aiming for in 2019...
But!
It's not all roses... Oh no!
On this channel you get full open and honest chronic illness realism
with nice lipstick
Over the last few months I have been struggling a lot with my health
it's felt a lot like one thing after another after another
just like on top of me
you know when you get five colds in a row so it all just merges into one big cold?
that's me
I'm the big cold
but with hemiplegic migraines, dislocating hips and the norovirus
just keeping life chronically exciting!
I took three weeks off during November to try and recover
which is why this 'start of the year' video is three weeks late!
It's not at all because I forgot about it until someone reminded me on Twitter!
ahem
So in this video I need to look back at last year's five goals,
see what came true and what didn't
and then give you my five goals for this year
those of you who have been around for a while have obviously seen some of these things coming true
but if you're just joining the channel or you've been watching for
a few videos that haven't yet subscribed and do please go ahead and do so
you'll be able to watch me impressively achieve or catastrophically fail...
or both!
let's start with last year's video...
[2018 Jessica] hello lovely people and welcome to 2018!
I don't know why I clap like a seal, I just do!
firstly I still clap like a seal and
I wish I could remember which lipstick I'm wearing because it's gorgeous
Please, you can play along with this go back have a look at the comments tell me if
it came true and then tell me down below in the comments of this video
did that make sense...?
yes let's do that again
tell me in the comments if your prediction in last year's video came true
and if you're new then please write your predictions down below and we'll revisit them this time next year
[2017 Jessica] Hi future me!
[2018 Jessica] Hi past me!
[2019 Jessica] Hi past mes
Glad I got better at colour-correcting my videos...
Number one! we're gonna start with something frivolous...
"grow my hair"
Yes! okay glad I'm starting with this one
as something I actually managed to easily achieve
not that you can tell because my hair is curled...
so I'm not going to cut my hair for all of 2018
No, I did actually get it trimmed, that I'll give you...
my plan is when we have babies I will have really long hair!
I'm very unclear as to why I have tied long hair to having babies...
but there we go!
But yes my hair is longer now
I still want to grow it because I would like to recapture the heady days of my preteen
life in which I had waist length incredibly straight blonde hair
but in the wavy redhead version please.
Number 2! continue to write more. Just... more.
Maybe actually finish one of those books
Yes! Ha! I have also achieved this one
thank you to those of you who reminds me daily on Twitter about writing
Kiko, I'm looking at you.
I have written every day, even if just some days it was a sentence
of dialogue that I liked or the outline of the particular scene,
descriptive paragraph of a room that something happened in
yeah... I have been writing many things
and I just need to do something with it.
one thing I haven't shared publicly yet
is that I managed to get a book agent and have meetings with some publishers
but it was about a non-fiction book rather than the stories
I've been working on for years, which are all fiction...
and nothing came from it,
because they said my online platform wasn't big enough!
Which- excuse you!-
shouldn't it be about my writing ability?!
anyway, right now don't have an agent anymore
but I feel I learnt a lot in the process:
both that I want to go more in the direction of fictional books
which, I'll be honest, I already knew...
and about what I would want any non-fiction book I made to look like and to be about
A bit more about that in my '2019 goals'!
number 3 this sort of goes along with the exercise thing but not really
"increase general muscle tone"
no no
No!
Wha-?!
Why would I even...?!
NO.
Wow, I am overly optimistic sometimes
I have done absolutely nothing that constitutes any form of planned working out!
Other than casually swimming most days when were in Malaysia for two months
like I have it I have a vague memory actually of Claud and I joining a gym for two hot second in 2019
But then I realised that was a really silly idea
As much as I would like to believe that working out will improve my body and energy levels
It won't!
Yes, healthy bodies do need exercise
Yes, the more you do with them the stronger they get.
That's not my body though.
I have limited energy and I would rather do something productive with it
like writing or recording a video than being active in a way that means I'll be
wiped out for a few days
what was I thinking?!
I also have mixed connective tissue disease hypermobility type
and last week I just located my hip by sitting cross-legged on the sofa and leaning down to pick up a sock from the
I'm clearly not the Yoga type
I really enjoy swimming and I would like
to do more of it but leaving my house and getting changed are both things that
require a lot of energy for me...
“Getting changed requires a lot of energy?”
yes.
I also faint if I change temperature quickly
And I've fainted way too many
times in a swing pool changing room it's disgusting that floor is not sanitary
so clearly the only option is to turn my entire downstairs into an indoor swimming pool(!)
number four get even better at making videos
okay I'm too British just that I've achieved it
but I'm too Jessica to say I haven't
[ding]
I've sped-up my editing for one, despite the fact I made my last month's
worth of videos with a broken microphone the audio is definitely improved from
last year again really sorry the microphone thing I hope it sounds better
right now but editing when deaf is hard- shocker!
we should be on the right track now
In 2018 I spent two months with my wonderful wife in beautiful Malaysia
concentrating on nothing but making videos and honestly it was such an
amazing creative experience that I'll never forget I really think we both
improved on editing and filming... I have a clear vision in my
my mind's eye of exactly what I want this channel and individual videos to look like
I've tried to put some more of my personality into the editing style
and I hope you can tell that!
I'm really proud of the bad baking video I
edited as part of Christmastide where Claude and I basically just had a lot of
fun failing at things
I think it's probably up to you to be the judges
though so if you've enjoyed watching my videos for a while you've seen an
improvement please do let me know
and number five I'm gonna go with another subscriber prediction
This year though, were not going to get quite so-
we're not going to get quite so overexcited!
I'm going to say...
I mean to be honest at this point I'm gonna be shocked if 300 happens
so the first time I made this video I said I was really hoping to be on 20k by the end of the year
and I was thinking in November that it wasn't going to happen, because I was on 15k-ish and it was such slow climb...
and then I ended the year with 200K!
And then last year I said:
400,000?
No! That's too much...
no, that's too big!
I'm doing it again, see?!
I have a thing and then I pull it back...!
Three. Okay, we're gonna settle: 350!
Boom!
Hello 400K!
honestly, I genuinely continue to be flawed and humbled by your kindness when it comes
to watching, liking and sharing my videos
I would not have got here without you
whether you've been watching for a while or you've only just joined I'm honestly
so happy to have you be a part of this community!
another big part of 2018 when it came to the channel was the launch the Kellgren-Fozard Club!
which is part of the YouTube channel membership system
it's like patreon but integrated into the platform
basically having the club, where people pay a set amount each
month for access to behind-the-scenes videos, posts and chats means I have a
slightly more stable monthly income from Adsense
Oh Adsense... (!)
Allowing me to panic less and actually give myself breaks
it's okay, Jessica, the healthy people give themselves breaks you can chill sometimes too
Alright, now, time for things I hope will happen in 2019
I would love to say: not get sick, have more energy, finally wake up with naturally curly hair...
but I am going to be reasonably realistic!
Number 1 Move house- yes!
Kellgren-Fozard Club members already know this as I mentioned it in our Christmas livestream!
Which, by the way, is so fun!
but we're playing to move house this year!
Currently we live in a two-bedroom house in the city in a
terraced house and our only bathroom is upstairs
we are paying the benefit of being able to walk into the centre of town
but I can't walk any more than three minutes without needing a sit down
so we drive in anyway...
so we're going to move somewhere a little further out to where maybe it takes us an extra 10 minutes to
drive into town but we can have an accessible house with a bathroom
upstairs and downstairs and maybe a room downstairs that can be my bedroom when
I'm ill or my legs aren't working...
if you don't know I have condition that occasionally
paralyzed in my limbs yeah
I have to commando crawl up and down stairs in this house
sometimes though I'm just stuck upstairs away from the kitchen and
have to rely on other people for sustenance
We would also like a bigger garden for the dogs
so when I’m unwell I can just open the door and they can go play by themselves.
why don't I throw the ball but from inside the kitchen
Number 2!
Fix your eyebrows Jessica!
Fun fact, I don't have eyebrows
okay, I do; miniature ones.
if you are wondering why my eyebrows look different in this video to the one
last year and the one before that...
they're fake!
I started losing hairs on the outside of my eyebrows a few years ago, I guess,
and they've been shrinking in width ever since...
so I draw them on.
Apparently differently...
every year
tune in next year to see what the hell my 2020 eyebrows will look like.
Hopefully more consistent to be honest.
Don't worry too much about it though,
my grandmother had about three hairs by the time she was 40
so... I've still got another decade.
I am considering getting them micro-bladed
ie semi-permanently tattooed onto my face,
because I spend a lot of money on eyebrow pencils
and it's difficult for people to know I'm shocked without wearing makeup
if you have a connective tissue issue and you've had
your eyebrows micro-bladed or actually any other type of tattoo
please do let me know if it interacted negatively.
I need to focus group...
Unless your name is Stevie Boebi- I cannot use a lone person as a focus group, Stevie!
Although... damn how eyebrows are amazing...
Number three! Get a talent agent!
there comes a point in one's career where you realize that waking up daily to 40 demanding new
emails is perhaps a bit much and that potentially being without any legal
training you can't actually deal with multinational corporations contracts and
not come out on the losing end...
also I have big plans for the future...
I want to publish books about queer, disabled people having adventures!
I want to design a clothing line of hugely skirted dresses!
I want to present historical documentaries in period costume!
I want to rule the world!
In a nice way, obviously...
I think by finding a lovely agent I'll be able to achieve all
of those things and still make the videos that I really enjoy!
I found someone I really like, a very ethical company,
and I don’t obviously want to say any names until we’ve actually signed contracts…
But it's looking really promising!
Please cross your fingers for me!
Number four! Release merch that people like!
Basically, I'm releasing merch but the hope is that you actually like it...
I commissioned a lovely artist, Ashe, more commonly known as Marsupial Pudding,
to make my little coat of arms that I'm going to put on various things in a variety of ways...
It is so gorgeous, I love it!
The more eagle-eyed of you may have noticed that it's
actually already in my new channel art today which has just changed.
The line is going to include t-shirts, hoodies, phone cases, a mug, pillow, a little tote bag...
a number of things!
It will ship worldwide, and I'm try to keep everything as affordable as possible,
making sure that there are different price points.
The store is going to launch on my birthday!
25th of January!
And you should be able to see all of the items on a little shelf beneath all my videos here on
YouTube so, if you're watching after the 25th, they're down there!
but I'll obviously also be posting the link to the store in my Instagram and Twitter bios so don't
worry you won't miss anything
I'm going to post some teasers all next week, on my Twitter:
@JessicaOOTC -that's short for 'Jessica Out Of The Closet'
Kellgren-Fozard Club members have of course already seen everything!
And were super helpful with decisions, that I had to make in the process.
Thank you, Clubbies!
If you want to join the club all you have to do is click the
join button below or if your browser phone or smoke signal doesn't support
the feature you can click the top link in the description to go to the same place
I'm also gonna put a link to Ash's website in the description so you can
check out other wonderful artistic things she's done
Number five! Subscriber Prediction!
On to the big one: what do I hope to gain in subscriber numbers this year?
just how large can we grow our community?
So, first year I hoped for a gain of 17,000
And I got 197,000
the second year I aimed for 150k more but instead doubled...
so this year...?
100k?
Can we make it to half a million?!
Here's hoping...
Sounds good, doesn't it?
honestly though, I am genuinely happy every time I see I've got one new subscriber
I just it means a lot to me to me that people are able to connect with my words and feelings...
I read as many comments as I can and sometimes I just cry
because I am so happy that I am able to relate to people
disabilities and chronic health conditions can be incredibly isolating
so my online world means a lot to me
and by watching this video you are a part of that
so thank you thank you for all the wonderful
things you brought into my life just by watching and sharing my videos
it means everything to me
thank you