hi there you've reached hannah you know what to do hey hannah it's me um just
calling with some good news you know that crossword puzzle that we started in january
and you were like it's totally impossible well i finished it and i have it here so um just
let me know if you want me to mail it over or i could scan it into a pdf an email uh hey hannah
it's me the craziest thing just happened i saw a corgi that was a puppy it was so small
anyway uh i was hoping you could talk about the breakup 2d dive i have some questions
hey it's me um i don't know if you're not picking up because you're at work
or because you told me to stop calling anyway um if you could give me a call back and let me know
hello hannah hannah why would it be hannah jesus christ aaron
okay it's 2017. people don't just show up they text or call yeah i did call you you're not
picking up it's 2017. people don't just i don't know they don't just show up let me up no why
because i know that you're gonna stage an emotional intervention
yeah i absolutely am gonna stage an emotional intervention i'm not ready yet i brought macaroons
hey you did not bring macaroons no that was a lie but i brought josh hey everyone oh
josh why is josh here hey love you too uh he's here because he's also your best friend and
because society has done men a total disservice by not expecting them to deal with emotional
situations so i'm re-socializing josh he'll be shadowing me today yeah it's a pleasure to be here
let's get started oh erin what have you been doing in here
she's still listed as my emergency contact so i keep secretly hoping that i have to go to
the hospital because i get food poisoning and then i'm gonna see her and there they're there
you're a good girl and i'm your friend and everyone likes being home kate okay josh
you're going to want to start with a simple statement of fact and then follow it up with
a statement of why that concerns you for example aaron it has been four months since the breakup
and it concerns me that you're still isolating yourself you drive
aaron it smells like [ __ ] in here and i think something died
okay inelegant but he does have a point
eureka what is this oh my god microwave lasagna microwave lasagna you're a chef aaron
i'm a caterer there's a difference anyway i'm not working right now i took maternity leave excuse me
i'm pregnant it's sadness
no oh you sweet pathetic little thing okay okay let's go listen you've got two options okay i
will leave right now and you can keep moping but we're just gonna do this again in three weeks
okay or you can get up go outside and find a goddamn rebound okay can i be dismissed yes
all right let's do this let's fix your life
not ready yes you are yes you are no i know it's uneven oh my god
oh my god erin what happened i threw my phone in the pond and then i changed my mind
okay here we're gonna find you a rebound okay here just
okay well you're very pretty so just smile okay how about her straight uh hurt straight
her straight oh her for sure erin she likes the idea but she would never commit you know her
no i can just tell kate i don't want to be with anyone except hannah
okay i know that it feels that way but that's like some cognitive bias where
you can only envision a future that resembles your past that's not the way that life works
well picking up people on a park bench is also not what actual life is like oh i know this is
a dating app kate come on look i set up your profile for you and i am days deep in a couple
flirtations one of them got highly intimate so i thought i would pass it on to you okay that's the
intimate one oh my god she's cute look at that zooming on that huh okay all right okay okay
there are real beauties out there
okay she's legit cute though are you sure she's straight oh yeah she's with the guy
episode one i know you see six beats you see me just
see i'm sorry episode one scene six b take two
start singing please shut up no hey stop smiling hey hey hey hey hey
oh and she's good she's mean too but she's funny mean but she's me let's get a smoothie
she's really young actually but i just found that out so we should actually just
go ahead and delete that one all right here we go
she's funny she's very mean but she's funny and she's no she's very mean
but she's funny kate it's 2010 people don't just show up they text first or call
i did call you it's not 2010. you weirdo i'm so disoriented
all right let's get started this is a it's 2016 [ __ ] hell [ __ ] that's the real world go digital