- I just saw some abs and pecs.
This is all I've seen.
(static hisses) (tone beeps)
It's my birthday!
It's almost the anniversary of when I climbed
out of the lady door, I'm sorry.
And I decided, 'cause I've got no friends,
to trust you guys with my credit card
and buy me some presents, which sounds very sad.
I do have a few friends.
(stamp thuds)
I trust you guys have got me some things
that you think I would really love.
(dreamy music) Hmm.
I got a little minion to look at all your tweets,
wrap up some of the best things,
and now they are on my floor.
Before we get started, new merch alert.
If you want something for your shelf,
there's now a little Phil that can live on it.
My Youtooz is here, and he wants to come into your house.
Free him!
We've been working on this since pre-quiff,
so thanks to the guys for being accommodating
with changing my hair.
Oh, look at him. He's so cute!
He's got the little lion. He's got the golden pig.
He's available for a limited time on youtooz.com.
So go get a little Phil. He'll watch over everything you do.
That sounded weird. He'll enjoy your company. (laughs)
Right, it's time to live in the present
and open some presents.
I like that Dan has used
all of the leftover Christmas paper.
This is the problem with having a January birthday.
This one is from Kay or Kai.
(paper rustling)
Feel soft. Is it gonna be a wearable?
Oh yes. Ooh, nice color.
We've got some pale blue poking out.
Oh, (laughs) I can see a wolf.
I'm already excited. (laughs)
"Human by chance. Alpha by choice."
I like that you think I'm an alpha. (laughing)
I have to put this on immediately.
I love it, thank you. (bell dings)
I feel like it's giving me a newfound confidence.
Hey, wanna join my pack?
But yeah, seriously, I'm never gonna take this off.
This one is an exciting texture sensation.
I do not know what's going on here.
There's a bulbous bit here.
Ooh! (gift squeaking)
Give it a squeeze. Lucy, have you made my life more juicy?
Oh, my god! it's a Kirby Otomone.
How do you say it? Om, Otama, Otamatone!
This is so cool! I can now do duets with Dan.
Thank you. I genuinely love this.
I'm so excited. I've dragged in Daniel.
- Why am I here?
- Because I'm doing a jam session.
- [Dan] I wrapped in peace.
- Join me. - Oh, god.
(goofy Otamatone music)
- I thought it was great!
(Daniel laughing)
That was totally worth it.
Now, let's do Shakira.
(goofy Otamatone music)
♪ Shakira, Shakira ♪
(both laughing)
Let's just spent an hour doing that.
- [Dan] You do not know what hell you've just unleashed.
- This has really improved my life,
and something that could improve your life is Opera browser.
Thank you for sponsoring this video, you legendary people.
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Firstly, you've got your little friend Aria,
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like, who is taller, Phil Lester, or a giraffe?
Oh, a giraffe by eight to 13 feet.
Honestly refreshing to have someone look down on me.
Giraffe daddy.
And if you're a bit confused like me,
you can highlight any text online,
and it'll tell you some more information,
like this boar vessel.
Wait, that was from 2018? Time has no meaning.
Also, if you've got 900 tabs open
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Plus its has WhatsApp, TikTok, Instagram built right in
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I love this snapshot feature as well,
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- [Dan] Sorry, Phil.
- So you might as well give it a go.
It's completely free. Click the link below.
Check out Opera browser, and have a smooth browsing life.
Thanks, guys.
Next up, we got Brianna.
It feels like a small bottle of alcohol
or something, hopefully.
Whatcha got for me, Brianna?
Dan has really used all the sticky tape in the world.
Oh, my god, (laughs) edible glue.
I mean, I need it, to be fair.
I believe they make this for people like me.
If you're new to Phil, I did almost die
from eating Super Glue, so I deserve this.
I gotta give it a taste test. Oh, my god, it's so gloopy.
(suspenseful music)
Oh, that doesn't taste nice.
It may be edible, but it's not delicious.
(laughing) It's a bit salty.
It's not sticking my esophagus together, though.
That's a plus. I don't the instructions of this.
I would not recommend eating glue in any form.
Thank you. I deserve that.
Next up we have, who are you, Miriam.
I trust you to get me something good, please.
Oh, no, I can. (laughing)
I just saw some abs and pecs. This is all I've seen.
I feel like I'm gonna have to start censoring in a second.
Oh, my god, oh, my god. It's Kilty Pleasures! (laughing)
I never got my guy delivering a Christmas tree in a kilt,
but now I can have one all year round.
Oh, my god, "Like my kilt? Wait until you see my bagpipe."
(spring boings) This is incredible!
Ooh, it's safe for YouTube and work.
There's no peaches or bagpipes in the shot.
Oh, hello, May.
Okay, my favorite quotes are, "Objects under kilt
may be larger than they appear." (laughing)
"Can you handle my big sword?"
And "Let's play some Highland games!" Sure.
Levi, tell me why this is gonna be the best gift of my life.
Takeaway Dice! Oh, that's such a good idea.
"Never argue about takeaway again."
This is a Dan and Phil issue where we could spend an hour
debating on where we're gonna get food.
So now you've saved the day. This is such a good idea.
Tonight we are eating tacos.
Oh, I'm in the mood for tacos. It knew.
It's too powerful.
(Phil crunching)
You may think it's weird I like tacos
if I don't like cheese, but there's so many amazing tacos
that are not cheese based.
There's a whole world of tacos out there
that need to get into my mouth.
Who are you? Bean, all right, this must be a drink.
This feels like a can of coke or something.
If this is soup, I'm gonna call the authorities.
Don't mess with me, Bean. Happy birthday to me.
Oh, it's a can of, oh, my god, it's a Pokemon drink.
Ah, that's cute. It matches my T-shirt.
No! This is worse than soup! (jarring music)
Sea salt cheese flavor? How could you do this to me?
A fizzy cheese drink. Why are you doing this to me, Pokemon?
I've never been so excited and then so scared
(laughing) in the course of five seconds.
Do I really have to do this?
- [Dan] Yes.
♪ Da-da da-da-da-da da-da ♪
- Bottoms up.
(can tab snaps)
Ooh, this opens unusually. It's steaming.
(sniffs) It smells a bit cheesy. Oh, please, no. (laughing)
Smells a bit like cream soda,
but there's a bit of a twang, like a vinegar-y twang to it.
I'm scared. All right, okay, three, two.
Count me down, three, two, ah, three, two, one.
(suspenseful music)
Okay, it's not too bad. We're all right.
(jarring music)
Oh, strange aftertaste.
It's kind of like a cream soda, but less sweet.
Ugh, I don't like it. I don't love it.
There is a bit of cheesiness there.
It's kind of like a salty creme caramel
or like a salty cheesecake, cheesecake energy.
We're giving it 2 1/2 stars. (wagging tongue)
Hmm, cleanse my palette.
Ooh, this is a heavy boy. Jordan, you got me a brick.
Why is my first instinct to hit someone with a brick
rather than build a little house with it?
Do we need a psychological evaluation?
Feel like this has been a selection
of tricks and treats so far.
Is this gonna be a treat? Ooh, purple.
Ooh, it's "Buffy" themed! Whatever it is, I love it.
Buffy Tarot Card and Guide Book. But this is amazing!
Oh, thank you, Jordan.
"Buffy's" my favorite TV show,
and my grandma did pass on her psychic talents.
So I do love a deck, a deck, a dick
(laughs) of tarot cards as well.
Should we do the next year?
Oh, they're each individually drawn
with the different characters.
This is great. I'm gonna picture the rest of 2024.
What's it got in store for me, Buffy?
All right, so before now, 2023, we have the Three of Stakes,
which is Vampire Willow.
Ooh, I had a "temporary delay with some of my objectives."
Then in the present we have The Chariot is Cordelia.
"You brought your inner bitch back." (laughs)
Maybe that's the gaming channel.
The gaming channel is my bitch.
And into the future, it's,
oh, upside down, the Ace of Stakes.
Oh, apparently I'm gonna be "extra open-minded,
follow my dream, no matter how impossible it seems."
Stab me in the heart.
I almost missed this one, Nina, the tiniest gift of all.
What is this even gonna be? A bee.
Unknown fact about me? I love a tiny gift.
Little things bring me joy. Size doesn't matter, guys.
Let's have a look.
Oh, my god, it's a tiny golden pig!
You now have a tiny son.
- [Pig] Don't talk to me and my son ever again.
- All right, what we got here, Cockaba? Cockbee, Cockbee.
Cock, Coco! (laughing) Blame Dan's handwriting there.
In what universe is that an O, Daniel?
♪ What we go from Coco ♪
♪ What we got in the box ♪
Oh, no, I feel like this is a cardboard cut-out of someone.
Please don't be me.
Oh, my god! (jarring music)
(laughing) It's Josh Hutcherson.
♪ Boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo ♪
♪ Boo-boo-boo-boo-boo ♪
Hello. (laughs) Can't believe I own this.
Thank you so much.
This is a truly iconic item for my home,
and it's life size as well.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I said small things, the best packages.
I'm horrible and lanky. He's got it all going on.
♪ Pia Las Vegas ♪
What is wrong with me today? What the frick is this?
What is that? Is that hand?
Is this compressed human skin? What is this?
I'm really worried this is gonna be a sex doll.
(packaging crackling)
Ooh, it's expanding. It was flat-packed.
Oh, my god. No, no. (laughing)
Imagine getting on a plane with this. Oh, that man boob.
Oh, my god, it is very comfortable actually.
Yes, the hand, oh, you can just hold the hand
and drift off to sleep.
I like that they've crafted a soft nipple as well.
I think if I lay on it,
I'd get the nipple bit to go into my ear,
just an extra texture sensation.
I'm gonna unironically get on a plane with this.
I don't care. I love it, thank you.
Just try to interlock fingers with it. (laughs)
What should we call it?
I'm not gonna name it after a celebrity.
That would be weird. Blake, stroke my neck, Blake.
Oh, Blake, you're giving me a good neck rub there.
Yeah, keep it going. Ooh, that actually does feel good.
No, don't leave. Don't leave me!
Honestly, I would recommend this. It is so soft.
I can't wait to explain this
to anyone that comes to my house.
Here you go, high five. Finally, I don't want it to end.
I love opening presents. I could do this all day.
We have Atticus. What's it gonna be?
Give us something wholesome to finish us off.
Oh, my god, oh, my god. No!
"Get In My Swamp." It's a sexy Shrek book!
Is this Shrek porn? No, right, okay, random page.
Oh, my god, she's having sex with a centaur.
No. Is this Donkey?
"I rised up against his human half"? (laughing)
Donkey, no! Oh, my god, she's getting with Shrek.
"His tongue is rough, probably the size of my hand.
He devours me as if it's his last meal." (laughs)
Ooh, "His fangs bite my earlobe.
I've never been impaled by such a monster."
No! (laughing) (jarring music)
This is filth! Why would you give me this?
This is definitely going next to the toilet
in the guest bathroom.
Thank you. I can't, (laughing) that's enough.
You've ruined it again. Birthday canceled.
You surprised me in ways I didn't think were possible.
I did not think I'd be reading Shrek smut on this fine day,
but here we are.
- [Dan] What a goddamn mess. What is wrong with you?
- I replaced you. Now it's Phil and Josh.
- [Dan] I'm just-
- [Phil] Josh and Phil?
- [Dan] You horrify me.
- Phil and Josh.
- [Dan] Subscribe to DanAndPhilGAMES.
- And to celebrate my birthday, again,
on my actual birthday, we are doing a charity live stream
for the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund.
So you should come join us.
- [Dan] And hopefully we will have better internet.
- Yeah. - Than the last time
we tried to stream the gaming channel.
- Yes. - And less lady doors.
- Maybe. I can't promise anything.
- [Dan] No!
- It's at 8:00 PM UK time.
So come join us. Have some cake.
We'll press it into the computer,
and you can lick your screen.
- [Dan] No one's gonna come now.
- No. - Birthday alone, devastation
as far as the eye can see. - Hey, your present to me
should be cleaning this up.
- [Dan] Hell, are you joking? No!
Leaving you to tidy this up. - Help, help.
- [Dan] Goodbye, little goblin freak.
- Thank you (laughs) for joining me
on this birthday extravaganza.
Give me a thumbs up, 'cause it's my birthday.
That can be your gift to me.
Leave me a comment with the weirdest gift
you've got for your birthday.
Thank you so much to Opera browser
for sponsoring this video.
If you wanna improve your browsing experience,
you can click the link below.
It's completely free. Why not check it out?
Shout out to all the other January birthday people
that no one really has time for.
I'm here for you.
Hope you have a lovely day, and I'll see you next time.
(Phil howling)